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About Google Book Search Google's mission is to organize the world's information and to make it universally accessible and useful. Google Book Search helps readers discover the world's books while helping authors and publishers reach new audiences. You can search through the full text of this book on the web at |http: //books .google .com/I RADCLIFFE COLLEGE LIBRARY PROPERTY OF en ^Jt Mtifrp for t^t €tAltip0tt S^ttjestntctton of ll^ometi. PRESENTED -BT-Tpn^^ PROPERTY OF Cl^e Soctetij for tlje Collegiate instruction of tPomen. BOOKS ON THE ANTI-SLAVERY STRUGGLE, GIVEN TO THE LIBRARY AS A MEMORIAL TO WM. P. ATKINSON, LIFE-LONG ABOLITIONIST, BY HIS SON, 1891. The Arthur and ElizabMh SCHLESINGER LIBRARY on the History of Women in America f^- A- i INOIDBNTS iir T^B LIFE OF A SLAVE GIRL. WRITTEN BY HEBSELF. ** Northerners know nothing at all aboot Slarery. Thej think it is perpetnal bondage only. Tliey have no conception of the depth of degradatvm ioTolred in that word, Slavxrt ; if they had, they would nerer cease their clTorts nntil ao horrible a system was overthrown." A WoMAW or NoBTH Caboliva. ** Rise np, ye women that are at ease 1 Hear my Totoei ye careless danghters I GiTe ear unto my speech." Isaiah \ fiDITED BY L. MARIA CHILD. BOS TO X: PUBLISHED FOR THE AUTHOR. 1861. ^ >¥iy Entered, according to Act of Congress, in tlie year 1860, hy h. MARIA CHILD, In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of 5 v6-^ BTERIOTTPED AT TBI BOITOir d^JBLEOTTPS POUNDRT. Preface by the Author. Readeb, be assured this narrative is no fiction. I am aware that some of my adventures may seem in- credible; but they are, nevertheless, strictiy true. I have not exaggerated the wrongs inflicted by Sla- very; on the contrary, my descriptions Mi &r short of the &cts. I have concealed the names of placesi and given persons fictitious names. I had no motive for secrecy on my own account, but I deemed it kind and considerate towards others to pursue Uiis course. I wish I were more competent to the task I have undertaken. But I trust my readers will excuse de- ficiencies in consideration of circumstances. I was bom and reared in Slavery; and I remained in a Slave State twenty-seven years. Since I have been at the North, it has beeh necessary for me to work diligently for my own support, and the education of my children. This has not left me much leisure to make up for the loss of early opportunities to im- prove myself; and it has compelled me to write these pages at irregular intervals, whenever I could snatch an hour from household duties. 1* (5) 6 Prcfecc by the Author. When I first aniyed in Philadelphia, Bishop Paine advised me to publish a sketch of my life, but I told him I was altogether incompetent to such an undartakibg. Though I have improved my mind somewhat since that time, I still remain of the same opinion; but I trust my motives will excuse what might otherwise seem presumptuous. I have not written my experiences in order to attract attention to myself; on the contrary, it would have been more pleasant to me to have been silent about my own history. Neither do I care to excite sympathy for my own sufferings. But I do earnestly desire to arouse the women of the North to a realizing sense of the condition of two millions of women at the South, still in bondage, suffering what I suffered, and most of them far worse. I want to add my testimony to that of abler pens to convince the people of the Free States what Slavery really is. Only by experience can any one realize how deep, and dark, and foul is that pit of abominations. May the blessing of God rest on this imperfect effort in behalf of my perse- cuted people! Linda Bbbnt. Introduction by the Editor. The author of the following autobiography is per- sonally known to me, and her conversation and man- ners inspire me with confidence. During the last seventeen years, she has lived the greater part of the time with a distinguished family in New York, and has so deported herself as to be highly esteemed by them.* This fact is sufficient, without further cre- dentials of her character. I believe those who know her will not be disposed to doubt her veracity, though some incidents in her story are more ro- mantic than fiction. At her request, I have revised her manuscript; but such changes as I have made have been mainly for pui-poses of condensation and orderly arrangement. I have not added any thing to the incidents, or changed the import of her very pertinent remarks. With trifling exceptions, both the ideas and the language are lier own. I pruned excrescences a little^ but otherwise I had no reason for changing her lively and dramatic way of telling her own story. The names of both persons and places are known to me; but for good reasons I suppress them. It will naturally excite surprise that a woman reared in Slavery should be able to write so well. But cir- (7) 8 Introduction by the Editor. camstances will expldn this. In the first place, na- ture endowed her with quick perceptions. Secondly, the mistress, with whom she lived till she was twelve years old, was a kind, considerate fiiend, who taught her to read and spell. Thirdly, she was placed in fa- vorable circumstances after she came to the North; having frequent intercourse with intelligent persons; who felt a friendly interest in her welfare, and were disposed to give her opportunities for self-improvement. I am well aware that many will accuse me of in- decorum for presenting these pages to the public; for the experiences of this intelligent and much-injured woman belong to a class which some call delicate subjects, and others indelicate. This peculiar phase of Slavery has generally been kept veiled; but the pub- lic ought to be made acquainted with its monstrous features, and I willingly take the responsibility of pre- senting them with the veil withdrawn. I do this for the sake of my sisters in bondage, who are suffering wrongs so foul, that our ears are too delicate to listen to them. I do it with the hope of ^arousing con- scientious and reflecting women at the North to a sense of their duty in the exertion of moral influ- ence on the question of Slavery, on all possible occa- sions. I do it with the hope that every man who reads this narrative will swear solemnly before God that, so far as he has power to prevent it, no fugi- tive from Slavery shall ever be sent back to suffer in that loathsome den of corruption and cruelty. L. Mabia Child. Contents. rxam Childhood 11 The New Master and Mistress 17 The Slaves' New Year's Day 25 The Slate who dared to feel like a Man 28 The Trials of Girlhood. 44 The Jealous Mistress 49 The Lover 58 "What Slaves are taught to think of the North. . . 67 Sketches of neighborino Slaveholders 71 A Perilous Passage in the Slave Girl's Life 82 The new Tib to Life 90 Pear of Insurrection. 97 The Church and Slavery 105 Another Link to Life. 117 Continued Persecutions 122 Scenes at the Plantation 131 The Flight 145 Months of Peril 150 The Children Sold 160 New Perils 167 The Loophoie of Betreat. 173 (9) 10 Contents. CHmitncAS FB S T ivi T U tg • ... 179 Still nr P&ison 183 Thb Candidatb pos Conoebm 189 CoMPBTinoK IN Cumrnio 193 IXPOETANT EbA IN KT BbOTHBB'S LiTB 201 Nbw Dbstination fob thb Childbbn 207 AuBT Nanct 217 Pbbpabationb fob Esoapb. • • 224 nobtkwabd bovnd • 237 Inoidbntb in Pbilabblpkia. 242 Thb Mbbtino op Motkbb and Dauoktbb 249 A HoxB Found 254 Thb Old Bnbmt again • • • • 268 PeBJUDICB AOAIN8T CoLOB 264 Thb BEaib-bbbadth Escapb ^ 268 A Visit to England 276 Benbvbd Intitation to go Sotjth. • • • \ • . • • 279 Thb CoNPBiigioN 282 Thb FuorriYB Slatb Law • . • • 286 Fbbb at Last 293 APPENDIX. •••• 804 INCIDENTS IN THE LIFE OF A SLAYE GIRL, SEVEN YEARS CONCEALED. I. CHILDHOOD. I WAS born a slave ; but I never knew it till six years of happy childhood had passed away. My father was a carpenter, and considered so intelligent and skilful in his trade, that, when buildings out of the common line were to be erected, he was sent for from long distances, to be head workman. On condition of paying his mistress two hundred dollars a year, and supporting himself, he was allowed to work at his trade, and manage his own affairs. His strongest wish was to purchase his children; but, though he several times offered his hard earnings for that pur- pose, he never succeeded. In complexion my parents were a light shade of brownish yellow, and were terme<^ mulattoes. They lived together in a comfort- able home ; and, though we were all slaves, I was so fondly shielded that I never dreamed I was a piece (11) 12 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. of merchandise, trusted to them for safe keeping, and liable to be demanded of them at any moment. I had one brother, William, who was two years younger than myself — a bright, affectionate child. I had also a great treasure in my maternal grandmother, who was a remarkable woman in many respects. She was the daughter of a planter in South Carolina, who, at bis death, left her mother and his three children free, with money to go to St. Augustine, where they had relatives. It was during the Revolutionary War ; and they were captured on their passage, carried back, and sold to different purchasers. Such was the story my grandmother used to tell me ; but I do not remember all the particulars. She was a little girl when she was captured and sold to the keeper of a large hotel. I have often heard her tell how hard she fared during childhood. But as she grew older she evinced so much intelligence, and was so faithful, that her master and mistress could not help seeing it was for their interest to take care of such a valuable piece of prop- erty. She became an indispensable personage in the household, officiating in all capacities, from cook and wet nurse to seamstress. She was much praised for her cooking ; and her nice crackers became so famous in the neighborhood that many people were desirous of obtaining them. In consequence of numerous re- quests of this kind, she asked permission of her mis- tress to bake crackers at night, after all the household work was done ; and she obtained leave to do it, pro- vided she would clothe herself and her children from the profits. Upon these terms, after working hard all day for her mistress, she began her midnight bakings, Childhood. 13 assisted by her two oldest children. The business proved profitable ; and each year she laid by a little, which was saved for a fund to purchase her children. Her master died, and the property was divided among his heirs. The widow had her dower in the hotel, which she continued to keep open. My grandmother remained in her service as a slave ; but her children were divided among her master's children. As she had five, Benjamin, the youngest one, was sold, in order that each heir might have an equal portion of dollars and cents. There was so little difference in our ages that he seemed more like my brother than my uncle. He was a bright, handsome lad, nearly white ; for he inherited the complexion my grand- mother had derived from Anglo-Saxon ancestors. Though only ten years old, seven hundred and twenty dollars were paid for him. His sale was a terrible blow to my grandmother ; but she was naturally hope- ful, and she went to work with renewed energy, trust- ing in time to be able to purchase some of her children. She had laid up three liundred dollars, which her mistress one day begged as a loan, promising to pay her soon. The reader probably knows that no promise or writing given to a slave is legally binding ; for, according to Southern laws, a slave, bein^ property, can hold no property. When my grandmother lent her hard earnings to her mistress, she trusted solely to her honor. The honor of a slaveholder to a slave ! To this good grandmother I was indebted for many comforts. 'My brother Willie anS I often received portions of the crackers, cakes, and preserves, she made to sell ; and after we ceased to be children wo 14 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. were indebted to her for many more important ser* vices. Such were the unnsuallj fortunate circumstances of my early childhood. When I was six years old, mj mother died ; and then, for the first time, I learned, by the talk around me, that I was a slave. My another's mistress was the daughter of my grandmother's mis- tress. She was the foster sister of my mother ; they were both nourished at my grandmotlier's breast. In fact, my mother had been weaned at three months old, that the babe of the mistress might obtain suffi- cient food. They played together as children ; and, when they became women, my mother was a most faithful servant to her whiter foster sister. On her death-bed her mistress promised that her children should never suffer for any thing ; and during her lifetime she kept her word. They all spoke kindly of my dead mother, who had been a slave merely in name, but in nature was noble and womanly. I grieved for her, and my young mind was troubled with the thought who would now take care of me and my little brother. I was told that my home was now to be with her mistress ; and I found it a happy one. No toilsome or disagreeable duties were imposed upon me. My mistress was so kind to me that I was always glad to do her bidding, and proud to labor for her as much as my young years would permit. I would sit by her side for hours, sewing diligently, with a heart as free from care as that of any free-born white child. When she thought I was tired, she would send me out to run and jump; and away I bounded, to gather berries or flowers to decorate her room. Those were Childhood. 15, happ7 days — too happj to last. The slave child had no thought for the morrow ; but there came that blight, which too surely waits on every human being born to be a chattel. When I was nearly twelve years old, my kind mis- tress sickened and died. As I saw the cheek grow paler, and the eye more glassy, how earnestly I prayed in my heart that she might live ! I loved her ; for she had been almost like a mother to me. My prayers were not answered. She died, and they buried her in the little churchyard, where, day after day, my tears fell upon her grave. I was sent to spend a week with my grandmother. I was now old enough to begin to think of the future ; and again and again I asked myself what they would do with me. I felt sure I should never find another mistress so kind as the one who was gone. She had promised my dying mother that her children should never suffer for any thing ; and when I remembered that, and recalled her many proofs of attachment to me, I could not help having some hopes that she had left me free. My friends were almost certain it would be so. They thought she would be sure to do it, on account of my mother's love and faithful service. But, alas ! we all know that the memory of a faithful slave does not avail much to save her children from the auction block. After a brief period of suspense, the will of my mistress was read, and we learned that she had be- queathed me to her sister's daughter, a child of five years old. So vanislied our hopes. My mistress had taught me the precepts of God's Word : " Thou shalt 16 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. love thy neighbor as thyself/' " Whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so unto them." But I was her slave, and I suppose she did not recognize me as her neighbor. I would give much to blot out from my memory that one great wrong. As a child, I loved my mistress ; and, looking back on the happy days I spent with her, I try to think with less bitterness of this act of injustice. While I was with her, she taught mo to read and spell ; and for this privilege, which so rarely falls to the lot of a slave, I bless her memory. She possessed but few slaves ; and at her death those were all distributed among her relatives. Rve of them were my grandmother's children, and had shared the same milk that nourished her mother's children. Notwithstanding my grandmother's long and faithful service to her owners, not one of her chil- dren escaped the auction block. These God-breathing machines are no more, in the sight of their masters, than the cotton they plant, or the horses they tend. The New Mafter and Miftress. 17 II. THE NEW MASTER AND MISTRESS. Du. Flint, a physician in the neighborhood, liad married the sister of my mistress, and I was now the property of- their little daughter. It was not without murmuring that I prepared for my new home ; and what added to my unhappiness, was the fact that my brother William was purchased by the same family. My father, by his nature, as well as by the habit of transacting business as a skilful mechanic, had more of the feelings of a freeman than is common among slaves. My brother was a spirited boy; and being brought up under such influences, he early detested the name of master and mistress. One day, when his father and his mistress both happened to call him at the same time, he hesitated between the two; being perplexed to know which had the strongest claim upon his obedience. He finally concluded to go to his mis- tress. When my father reproved him for it, he said, "You botli called me, and I didn't know which I ought to go to first." " You are my child," replied our father, " and when I call you, you should come immediately, if you have to pass through fire and water." Poor Willie ! He was now to learn his first lesson of obedience to a master. Grandmother tried to cheer us with hopeful words, and they found an echo in the credulous hearts of youth. When we entered our new home we encountered 9* l8 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL cold looks, cold words, and cold treatment. We were glad when the night came. On my narrow hed I moaned and wept, I felt so desolate and alone. I had been there nearly a year, when a dear little friend of mine was buried. I heard her mother sob, as the clods fell on the coffin of her only child, and I turned away from the grave, feeling thankful that I still had something left to love. I met my grand- mother, who said, " Come with me, Linda; " and from her tone I knew that something sad had happened. She led me apart from the people, and then said, " My child, your father is dead." Dead! How could I believe it? He had died so suddenly I had not even heard that he was sick. I went home with my grandmother. My heart rebelled against God, who had taken from me mother, father, mistress, and friend. The good grandmother tried to comfort me. " Who knows the ways of God? " said she. " Perhaps they have been kindly taken from the evil days to come." Years afterwards I often thought of this. She promised to be a mother to her grandchildren, so far as she might be permitted to do so ; and strength- ened by her love, I returned to my master's. ,1 thought I should be allowed to go to my father's house the next morning ; but I was ordered to go for flowers, that my mistress's house might be decorated for an evening party. I spent the day gathering flowers and weaving them into festoons, while the dead body of my father was lying within a mile of me. What cared my owners for that ? he was merely a piece of property. Moreover, they thought he had spoiled his children, by teaching them to feel that they were human beings. \ The New Mafter and Miftress. 19 This was blasphemous doctrine for a slave to teach; presumptuous in him, and dangerous to the masters. The next day I followed his remains to a humble grave beside that of my dear mother. There were those who knew my father's worth, and respected his memory. My home now seemed more dreary than ever. Tlie laugh of the little slave-children sounded harsh and cruel. It was selfish to feel so about the joy of others. My brother moved about with a very grave face. I tried to comfort him, by saying, "Take courage, Willie ; brighter days will come by and by." " You don't know any thing about it, Linda,^' he re- plied. " We shall have to stay here all our days ; we shall never be free." I argued that we were growing older and stronger, and that perhaps we might, before long, be allowed to hire our own time, and then we could earn money to buy our freedom. William declared this was much easier to say than to do ; moreover, he did not intend to buy his freedom. We held daily controversies upon this subject. Little attention was paid to the slaves' meals in Dr. Flint's house. If they could catch a bit of food while it was going, well and good. I gave myself no trouble on that score, for on my various errands I passed my grandmother's house, where there was always some- thing to spare for me. I was frequently threatened with punishment if I stopped there ; and my grand- mother, to avoid detaining me, often stood at the gate with something for my breakfast or dinner. I was in- debted to her for all my comforts, spiritual or temporal. 20 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. It was her labor that supplied my scanty wardrobe. I have a vivid recollection of the linsey-woolsey dress given me every winter by Mrs. Flint. How I hated it! It was one of the badges of slavery. While my grandmother was thus helping to support me from her hard eai'uiugs, the three hundred dollars she had lent her mistress were never repaid. When her mistress died, her son-in-law. Dr. Flint, was ap- pointed executor. When grandmother applied to him for payment, he said Uie estate was insolvent, and the law prohibited payment. It did not, however, prohibit him from retaining the silver candelabra, which had been purchased with that money. I presume they will be handed down in the family, from generation to generation. My grandmother's mistress had always promised her that, at her death, she should be free ; and it was said that in her will she made good the promise. But when the estate was settled. Dr. Flint told the faithful old servant that, under existing circumstances, it was necessary she should be sold. On the appointed day, the customary advertisement was posted up, proclaiming that there would be a " public sale of negroes, horses, &c." Dr. Flint called to tell my grandmother that he was unwilling to wound her feelings by putting her up at auction, and that he would prefer to dispose of her at private sale. My grandmother saw through his hypocrisy ; she un- derstood very well that he was ashamed of the job. She was a very spirited woman, and if he was base enough to sell her, when her mistress intended she should be free, she was determined the public should A The New Mafter and Miftress. 21 know it. She had for a long time supplied many fam- ilies with crackers and preserres; consequently, ^' Aunt Marthy," as she was called, was generally known, and every body who knew her respected her intelligence and good character. Her long and faithful service in the family was also well known, and the intention of her mistress to leave her free. When the day of sale came, she took her place among the chattels, and at the first call she sprang upon the auction-block. Many voices called out, " Shame ! Shame ! Who is going to sell you^ aunt Marthy ? Don't stand there ! That is no place for yow." Without saying a word, she quietly awaited her fate. No one bid for her. At last, a feeble voice said, " Fifty dollars." It came from a maiden lady, seventy years old, the sister of my grandmother's deceased mistress. She had lived forty years under the same roof with my grandmother ; she knew how faithfully she had served her owners, and how cruelly she had been defrauded of her rights ; and she resolved to protect her. The auctioneer waited for a higher bid ; but her wishes were respected ; no one bid above her. She could neither read nor write ; and when the bill of sale was made out, she signed it with a cross. But what consequence was that, when she had a big heart overflowing with human kindness ? She gave the old servant her freedom. At that time, my grandmother was just fifty years old. Laborious years had passed since then ; and now my brother and I were slaves to the man who had defrauded her of her money, and tried to defraud her of her freedom. One of my mother's sisters, called Aunt Nancy, was also a slave in his family. She was a kind, good aunt to me ; and supplied the 22 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL place of both housekeeper and waiting maid to her mistress. She was, in fact, at the b^;inning and end of eTerj thing. Mrs. Flinty like many southern women, was totally deficient in enei^. She had not strength to super- intend her household afiairs ; but her nerres were so strong, that she could sit in her easy chair and see a woman whipped, till the blood trickled from every stroke of the lash. She was a member of the church ; but partaking of the Lord's supper did not seem to put her in a Christian frame of mind. If dinner was not served at the exact time on that particular Sunday, she would station herself in the kitchen, and wait till it was dished, and then spit in all the kettles and pans that had been used for cooking. She did this to prevent the cook and her children from eking out their meagre fare with the remains of the gravy and other scrapings. The slaves could get nothing to eat except what she chose to give them. Provisions were weighed out by the pound and ounce, three times a day. I can assure you she gave them no chance to eat wheat bread from her flour barrel. She knew how many biscuits a quart of flour would make, and exactly what size they ought to be. Dr. Mint was an epicure. The cook never sent a dinner to his table without fear and trembling ; for if there happened to be a dish not to his liking, he would either order her to be whipped, or compel her to eat every mouthful of it in his presence. The poor, hun- gry creature might not have objected to eating it ; but she did object to having her master cram it down her throat till she choked. They had a pet dog, that was a nuisance in the house. The New Mafter and Miftrefs, 23 Tlie cook was ordered to make some Indian mush {or him. He refused to eat, and when his head was held OTer it, the froth flowed from his mouth into the basin. He died a few minutes after. When Dr. Flint came in, he said the mush had not been well cooked, and that was the reason the animal would not eat it. He sent for the cook, and compelled her to eat it. He thought that the woman's stomach was stronger than the dog's ; but her sufferings afterwards proved that he was mistaken. This poor woman endured many cruel- ties from her master and mistress ; sometimes she was locked up, away from her nursing baby, for a whole day and night. When I had been in the family a few weeks, one of the plantation slaves was brought to town, by order of his master. It was near night when he arrived, and Dr. Flint ordered him to be taken to the work house, and tied up to the joist, so that his feet would just escape the ground. In that situation he was to wait till the doctor had taken his tea. I shall never forget that night. Never before, in my life, had I heard hundreds of blows fall, in succes- sion, on a human being. His piteous groans, and his "0, pray don't, massa," rang in my ear for months afterwards. There were many conjectures as to the cause of this terrible punishment. Some said master accused him of stealing corn ; others said the slave had quarrelled with his wife, in presence of the overseer, and had accused his master of being the father of her child. They were both black, and the child was very fair. I went into the work house next morning, and saw the cowhide still wet with blood, and the boards all covered with gore. The poor man lived, and con- tinued to quarrel with his wife. A few months after- 24 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Gir. wards Dr. Flint handed them both over to a slave- trader. The gailty man put their value into his pocket, and had the satisfaction of knowing that thej were out of sight and hearing. When the mother was delivered into the trader's hands, she said, ''You promised to treat me well." To which he replied, " You have let your tongue run too far ; damn you ! *' She had forgotten that it was a crime for a slave to tell who was the father of her child. From others than the master persecution also comes in such cases. I once saw a young slave girl dying soon after the birth of a child nearly white. In her agony she cried out, '' Lord, come and take me ! " Her mistress stood by, and mocked at her like an incarnate fiend. " You suffer, do you ? " she ex- claimed. '' I am glad of it. You deserve it all, and more too." The girl's mother said, " The baby is dead, thank God; and I hope my poor child will soon be in heaven, too." " Heaven ! " retorted the mistress. " There is no such place for the like of her and her bastard." The poor mother turned away, sobbing. Her dying daughter called her, feebly, and as she bent over her, I heard her say, " Don't grieve so, mother ; God knows all about it ; and he will have mercy upon me." Her sufferings, afterwards, became so intense, that her mistress felt unable to stay; but when she left the room, the scornful smile was still on her lips. Seven children called her mother. The poor black woman had but the one child, whose eyes she saw closing iu death, while she thanked God for taking her away from the greater bitterness of life. The Slaves' New Year's Day. 25 III. THE SLAVES' NEW YEAK'S DAY. Dr. Flint owned a fine residence in town, several farms, and about fifty slaves, besides liiring a number by the year. . Hiring-day at the south takes place on the 1st of January. On the 2d, the slaves are expected to go to their new masters. On a farm, they work until the corn and cotton are laid. They then have two holi- days. Some masters give them a good dinner under the trees. This over, they work until Christmas eve. If no heavy charges are meantime brought against them, they are given four or five holidays, whichever the master or overseer may think proper. Then comes New Year's eve ; and they gather together their little alls, or more properly speaking, their little nothings, and wait anxiously for the dawning of day. At the appointed hour the grounds are thronged with men, women, and children, waiting, like criminals, to hear their doom pronounced. The slave is sure to know who is the most humane, or cruel master, within forty miles of him. It is easy to find out, on that day, wljo clothes and feeds his slaves well ; for he is surrounded by a crowd, begging, " Please, massa, hire me this year. I will work very hard, massa." If a slave is unwilling to go with his new master, he is whipped, or locked up in jail, until he consents to go, and promises not to run away during the year. 8 26 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. Should he chance to change his mind, thinking it jus- tifiable to violate an extorted promise, woe unto him if he is caught ! The whip is used till the blood flows at his feet ; and his stiffened limbs are put in chains, to be dragged in the field for days and days ! If he lives until tlie next year, perhaps the same man will hire him again, without even giving him an opportunity of going to the hiring-ground. After those for hire are disposed of, those for sale are called up. O, you happy free women, contrast yowr New Year's day with that of the poor bond-woman 1 With you it is a pleasant season, and the light of the day is blessed. Friendly wishes meet you every where, and gifts are showered upon you. Even hearts that have been estranged from you soften at this season, and lips that have been silent echo back, ^^ I wish you a happy New Year." Children bring their little offer- ings, and raise their rosy lips for a caress. They are your own, and no hand but that of death can take them from you. But to the slave mother New Year's day comes laden with peculiar sorrows. She sits on her cold cabin floor, watching the children who may all be torn from her the next morning ; and often does she wish that she and they might die before the day dawns. She may be an ignorant creature, degraded by the system that has brutalized her from childhood ; but she has a mother's instincts, and is capable of feeling a mother's agonies. On one of these sale days, I saw a mother lead seven children to the auction-block. She knew that wme of them would be taken from her ; but they took all. The The Slaves' New Year's Day. 27 children were sold to a slave-trader, and their mother was bought by a man in her own town. Before night her children were all far away. She begged the trader to tell her where he intended to take them ; this he refused to do. How could he, when he knew he would sell them, one by one, wherever he could command the highest price ? I met that mother in the street, and her wild, haggard face lives to-day in my mind. She wrung her hands in anguish, and exclaimed, " Gone ! All gone ! Why don't God kill me ? " I had no words wherewith to comfort her. Instances of this kind are of daily, yea, of hourly occurrence. Slaveholders have a method, peculiar to their insti- tution, of getting rid of old slaves, whose lives have been worn out in their service. I knew an old woman, who for seventy years faithfully served her master. She had become almost helpless, from hard labor and disease. Her owners moved to Alaljama, and the old black woman was left to be sold to any body who would give twenty dollars for her. > 28 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. IV. THE SLAVE WHO DARED TO FEEL LIKE A MAN. Two years had passed since I entered Dr. Flint's family, and those years had brought much of the knowledge that comes from experience, though they had aiforded little opportunity for any other kinds of knowledge. My grandmother had, as much as possible, been a mother to her orphan grandchildren. By perse- verance and unwearied industry, she was now mistress of a snug little home, surrounded with the necessaries of life. She would have been happy could her chil- dren have shared them with her. There remained but three children and two grandchildren, all slaves. Most earnestly did she strive to make us feel that it was the will of God : that He had seen fit to place us under such circumstances ; and though it seemed hard, we ought to pray for contentment. It was a beautiful faith, coming from a mother who could not call her children her own. But I, and Ben- jamin, her youngest boy, condemned it. We reasoned that it was much more the will of God that we should be situated as she was. We longed for a home like hers. There we always found sweet balsam for our troubles. She was so loving, so sympathizing ! She always met us with a smile, and listened with patience to all our sorrows. She spoke so hopefully, that un- The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man. 29 consciously the clouds gave place to sunshine. There was a grand big oven there, too, that baked bread and nice things for the town, and we knew there was al- ways a choice bit in store for us. But, alas ! even the charms of the old oven failed to reconcile us to our hard lot. Benjamin was now a tall, handsome lad, strongly and gracefully made, and with a spirit too bold and daring for a slave. My brother William, now twelve years old, had the same aversion to the word master that he had when he was an urchin of seven years. I was his cpnfidant. He came to me with all his troubles. I remember one instance in particular. It was on a lovely spring morning, and when I marked the sunlight dancing here and there, its beauty seemed to mock my sadness. For my master, whose restless, craving, vicious nature roved about day and night, seeking whom to devour, had just left me, with stinging, scorching words; words that scathed ear and brain like fire. O, how I despised him ! I tliought how glad I should be, if some day when he walked the earth, it would open and swallow him up, and disencumber the world of a plague. When he told me that I was made for his use, made to obey his command in every thing ; that I was noth- ing but a slave, whose will must and should surrender to his, never before had my puny arm felt half so strong. So deeply was I absorbed in painful reflections after- wards, that I neither saw nor heard the entrance of any one, till the voice of William sounded close beside me. ^' Linda," said ho, ^' what makes you look so sad ? 3* 30 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. I love you. 0, Linda, isn't this a bad world ? Every body seems so cross and unhappy. I wish I had died when poor father did." I told him that every body was not cross, or un- happy ; that those who had pleasant homes, and kind friends, and who were not afraid to love them, were happy. But we, who were slave-children, without father or mother, could not expect to be happy. We must be good ; perhaps that would bring us content- ment. " Yes," he said, " I try to be good ; but what's the use ? They are all the time troubling me." Then he proceeded to relate his afternoon's difficulty with young master Nicholas. It seemed that the brother of master Nicholas had pleased himself with making up stories about William. Master Nicholas said he should be flogged, and he would do it. Whereupon he went to work ; but William fought bravely, and the young master, finding he was getting the better of him, undertook to tie his hands behind him. He failed in that likewise. By dint of kicking and fisting, William came ojit of the skirmish none the worse for a few scratches. He continued to discourse on his young master's meanness ; how he whipped the little boys, but was a perfect coward when a tussle ensued between him and white boys of his own size. On such occasions he always took to his legs. William had other charges to make against him. One was his rubbing up pennies with quicksilver, and passing them ofi* for quarters of a dollar on an old man who kept a fruit stall. William was often sent to buy fruit, and he earnestly inquired The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man. 31 of me what he ought to do under such circumstances. I told him it was certainly wrong to deceive the old man, and that it was his duty to tell him of the imposi- tions practised by his young master. I assured him the old man would not be slow to comprehend the whole, and there the matter would end. William thought it might with the old man, but not with him. He said he did not mind the smart of the whip, but he did not like the idea of being whipped. While I advised him to be good and forgiving I was not unconscious of the beam in my own eye. It was the very knowledge of my own shortcomings that urged me to retain, if possible, some sparks of my brother's God-given nature. I had not lived fourteen years in slavery for nothing. I had felt, seen, and heard enough, to read the characters, and question the motives, of those around me. The war of my life had begun ; an'd though one of God's most powerless crea- tures, I resolved never to be conquered. Alas, for me ! If there was one pure, sunny spot for me, I believed it to be in Benjamin's heart, and in another's, whom I loved with all the ardor of a girl's first love. My owner knew of it, and sought in every way to render me miserable. He did not resort to corporal punish- ment, but to all the petty, tyrannical ways that human ingenuity could devise. I remember the first time I was punished. It was in the month of February. My grandmother had taken my old shoes, and replaced them with a new pair. I needed them; for several inches of snow had fallen, and it still continued to fall. When I walked 32 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. through Mrs. Flint's room, their creaking grated harshly on her refined nerves. She called me to her, and asked what I had about me that made such a horrid noise. I told her it was my new shoes. ^^ Take them off," said she ; ^^ and if jou put them on again, 1*11 throw them into the fire." I took them off, and my stockings also. She then sent me a long distance, on an errand. As I went through the snow, my bare feet tingled. That night I was very hoarse ; and I went to bed thinking the next day would find me sick, perhaps dead. Wliat was my grief on waking to find myself quite well ! I had imagined if I died, or was laid up for some time, that my mistress would feel a twinge of remorse that she had so hated ^^ the little imp," as she styled me. It was my ignorance of that mistress that gave rise to such extravagant imaginings. Dr. Flint occasionally had high prices Offered for me ; but he always said, '^ She don't belong to me. She is my daughter's property, and I have no right to sell her." Good, honest man ! My young mistress was still a child, and I could look for no protection from her. I loved her, and she returned my affection. I once heard her father allude to her attachment to mo ; and his wife promptly replied that it proceeded from fear. This put unpleasant doubts into my mind. Did the child feign what she did not feel ? or was her mother jealous of the mite of love she bestowed on me? I concluded it must be the latter. I said to myself, " Surely, little children are true." One afternoon I sat at my sewing, feeling unusual depression of spirits. My mistress had been accusing The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man. 33 me of an offence, of which I assured her I -was per- fectly innocent ; but I saw, by the contemptuous curl of her lip, that she believed I was telling a lie. I wondered for what wise purpose God was leading me through such thorny paths, and whether still darker days were in store for me. As I sat musing thus, the door opened softly, and William came in. " Well, brother," said I, " what is the matter this time ? " " Linda, Ben and his master have had a dread- ful time ! " said he. My first thought was that Benjamin was killed. " Don't be frightened, Linda," said William ; " I will tell you all about it." It appeared that Benjamin's master had sent for him, and he did not immediately obey the summons. When he did, his master was angry, and began to whip him. He resisted. Master and slave fought, and finally the master was thrown. Benjamin had cause to tremble ; for he had thrown to the ground his master — one of the richest men in town. I anxiously awaited the result. That night I stole to my grandmother's house, and Benjamin also stole thither from his master's. My grandmother had gone to spend a day or two with an old friend living in the country. " I have come," said Benjamin, " to tell you good by. I am going away." I inquired where. " To the north," he replied. I looked at him to see whether he was in earnest. I saw it all in his firm, set mouth. I implored him not 34 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL to go, but he paid no heed to my words. He said he was no longer a boy, and every day made his yoke more galling. He had raised his hand against his master, and was to be publicly whipped for the offence. I reminded him of the poverty and hardships he must encounter among strangers. I told him he might be caught and brought back; and that was terrible to think of. He grew vexed, and asked if poverty and hardshipsj with freedom, were not preferable to our treatment in slavery. " Linda," he continued, " we are Aoga here ; foot-balls, cattle, every thing that's mean. No, I will not stay. Let them bring me back. We don't die but once." He was right; but it was hard to give him up. " Go," said I, " and breatyour mother's heart." I repented of my words ere they were out. ^^ Linda," said he, speaking as I had not heard him speak that evening, " how could you say that ? Poor mother ! be kind to her, Linda ; and you, too, cousin Fanny." Cousin Fanny was a friend who had lived some years with us. Farewells were exchanged, and the bright, kind boy, endeared to us by so many acts of love, vanished from our sight. It is not necessary to state how he made his escape. Suffice it to say, he was on his way to New York when a violent storm overtook the vessel. The captain said he must put into the nearest port. This alarmed Ben- jamin, who was aware that he would be advertised in every port near his own town. His embarrassment was The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man. 35 noticed by the captain. To port they went.- There the advertisement met the captain's eye. Benjamin so exactly answered its description, that the captain laid hold on him, and bound him in chains. Thd storm passed, and they proceeded to New York. Before reaching that port Benjamin managed to get off his chains and throw them overboard. He escaped from the vessel, but was pursued, captured, and carried back to his master. When my grandmother returned home and found her youngest child had fled, great was her sorrow; but, with characteristic piety, she said, " God's will be done.'* Each morning, she inquired if any news had been heard from her boy. Yes, news was heard. The master was rejoicing over a letter, announcing the cap- ture of his human chattel. That day seems but as yesterday, so well do I re- member it. I saw him led through the streets in chains, to jail. His face was ghastly pale, yet full of determination. He liad begged one of the sailors to go to his mother's house and ask her not to meet liim. He said the sight of her distress would take from him all self-control. She yearned to see him, and she went ; but she screened herself in the crowd, that it might be as her child had said. , We were not allowed to visit him; but we had known the jailer for years, and he was a kind-hearted man. At midnight he opened the jail door for my grandmother and myself to enter, in disguise. When we entered the cell not a sound broke the stillness. *' Benjamin, Benjamin ! " whispered my grandmother. No answer. ^' Benjamin! " she again faltered. There 36 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. was a jingle of chains. The moon had just risen, and cast an uncertain light through the bars of the win- dow. We knelt down and took Benjamin's cold hands in oufs. We did not speak. Sobs were heard, and Benjamin's lips were unsealed; for his mother was weeping on his neck. How vividly does memory bring back that sad night! Mother and son talked together. He asked her pardon for the su£fering he had caused her. She said she had nothing to forgive ; she could not blame his desire for freedom. He told her that when he was captured, he broke away, and was about casting himself into the river, when thoughts of her came over him, and he desisted. She asked if he did not also think of God. I fancied I saw his face grow fierce in the moonlight. He answered, ^^ No, I did not think of him. When a man is hunted like a wild beast he forgets there is a God, a heaven. He forgets every thing in his struggle to get beyond the reach of the bloodhounds." " Don't talk so, Benjamin," said she. " Put your trust in God. Be humble, my child, and your master will forgive you." "Forgive me for what^ mother? For not letting him treat me like a dog ? No ! I will never humble myself to him. I have wo;'ked for him for nothing all my life, and I am repaid with stripes and imprison- ment. Here I will stay till I die, or till he sells me." The poor mother shuddered at his words. I think ' he felt it; for when he next spoke, his voice was calmer. " Don't fret about me, mother. I ain't worth it," said he. " I wish I had some of your goodness. You bear every thing patiently, just as though yoa thought it was all right. I wish I could." The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man, 37 She told him she had not always been so ; once, she was like him ; but when sore troubles came upon her, and she had no arm to lean upon, she learned to call on Grod, and he lightened her burdens. She besought him to do likewise. We overstaid our time, and were obliged to hurry from the jail. Benjamin had been imprisoned three weeks, when my grandmother went to intercede for him with his master. He was immovable. He said Benjamin should serve as an example to the rest of his slaves ; he should be kept in jail till he was subdued, or be sold if he got but one dollar for him. However, he afterwards relented in some degree. The chains were taken off, and we were allowed to visit him. As his food was of the coarsest kind, we carried him as often as possible a warm supper, accompanied with some little luxury for the jailer. Three months elapsed, and there was no prospect of release or of a purchaser. One day he was heard to sing and laugh. This piece of indecorum was told to his master, and the overseer was ordered to re-chain him. He was now confined in an apartment with other prisoners, who were covered with filthy rags. Benjamin was chained near them, and was soon covered with vermin. He worked at his chains till he suc- ceeded in getting out of them. He passed them through the bars of the window, with a request that they should be taken to his master, and he should be in- formed that he was covered with vermin. This audacity was punished with heavier chains, and prohibition of our visits. 4 38 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. M7 grandmother continued to send him fresh changes of clothes. The old ones were burned up. The last night we saw him in jail his mother still begged him to send for his master, and beg his pardon. Neither persuasion nor argument could turn hin from his purpose. He calmly answered, '^ I am waiting his time." Those chains were mournful to hear. Another three months passed, and Benjamin left his prison walls. We that loved him waited to bid him a long and last farewell. A slave trader had bought him. You remember, I told you what price he brought when ten years of age. Now he was more than twenty years old, and sold for tliree hundred dol- lars. The master had been blind to his own interest. Long confinement had made his face too pale, his form too thin ; moreover, the trader had heard some- thing of his character, and it did not strike him as suitable for a slave. He said he would give any price if the handsome lad was a girl. We thanked God that he was not. Gould you have seen that mother clinging to her child, when they fastened the irons upon his wrists ; could you have heard her heart-rending groans, and seen her bloodshot eyes wander wildly from face to face, vainly pleading for mercy ; could you have wit- nessed that scene as I saw it, you would exclaim,* Slavery is damnable ! Benjamin, her youngest, her pet, was forever gone ! She could not realize it. She had had an interview with the trader for the purpose of ascertaining if Benjamin could be purchased. She was told it was The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man. 39 impossible, as he had given bonds not to sell him till he was out of the state. He promised that he would not sell him tiH he reached New Orleans. With a strong arm and unvaried trust, my grand- mother began her work of love. Benjamin must be free. If she succeeded, she knew they would still be sepa- rated ; but the sacrifice was not too great. Day and night she labored. The trader's price would treble that he gave ; but she was not discouraged. She employed a lawyer to write to a gentleman, whom she knew, in New Orleans. She begged him to interest himself for Benjamin, and he willingly favored her request. When he. saw Benjamin, and stated his business, he thanked him; but said he preferred to wait a while before making the trader an offer. He knew he had tried to obtain a high price for him, and had invariably failed. This encouraged him to make another effort for freedom. So one morning, long be- fore day, Benjamin was missing. He was riding over the blue billows, bound for Baltimore. For once his white face did him a kindly service. They had no suspicion that it belonged to a slave; otherwise, the law would have been followed out to the letter, and the thin^ rendered back to slavery. The brightest skies are often overshadowed by the dark- est clouds. Benjamin was taken sick, and compelled to remain in Baltimore three weeks. His strength was slow in returning ; and his desire to continue his journey seemed to retard his recovery. How could he get strength without air and exercise? He resolved to venture on a short walk. A by-street was selected, where he thought himself secure of not being met by 40 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. any one that knew him; but a voice caUed out, « Halloo, Ben, my boy ! what are you doing here ? " His first impulse was to run ; but hi^ leg» trembled so that he could not stir. He turned to confront his antagonist, and behold, fliere stood his old master's next door neighbor ! He thought it was all over with him now ; but it proved otherwise. That man was a miracle. He possessed a goodly number of slaves, and yet was not quite deaf to that mystic clock, whose ticking is rarely heard in the slaveholder's breast. " Ben, you are sick," said he. « Why, you look like a ghost. I guess I gave you something of a start. Never mind, Ben, I am not going to touch you. You had a pretty tough time of it, and you may go on your way rejoicing for all me. But I would advise you to get out of this place plaguy quick, for there are several gentlemen here from our town." He de- scribed the nearest and safest route to New York, and added, " I shall be glad to tell your mother I have seen you. Good by, Ben." Benjamin turned away, filled with gratitude, and surprised that the town he hated contained such a gem — a gem worthy of a purer setting. This gentleman was a Northerner by birth, and had married a southern lady. On his return, he told my grandmother that he had seen her son, and of the ser- vice he had rendered him. Benjamin reached New York safely, and concluded to stop there until he had gained strength enough to proceed further T+ 1.. \q *v ^ ^ ?u 5 onlv • • happened that my grandmother's ^s mistress. Through God's providence, The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man. 41 the brothers met. You may be sure it was a happy meeting. " Phil," exclaimed Benjamin, ",I am here at last." Then he told him how near he came to dying, almost in sight of free land, and how he prayed that he might live to get one breath of free air. He said life was worth something now, and it would be hard to die. In the old jail he had not valued it ; once, ho was tempted to destroy it; but something, he did not know what, had prevented him ; perhaps it was fear. He had heard those who profess to be re- ligious declare there was no heaven for self-murderers; and as his life had been pretty hot here, he did not de- sire a continuation of the same in another world. ^'If I die now," he exclaimed, '' thank God, I shall die a freeman! " He begged my uncle Phillip not to return south; but stay and work with him, till they earned enough to buy those at home. His brother told him it would kill their mother if he deserted her in her trouble. She had pledged her house, and with difficulty had raised money to buy him. Would he be bought ? " No, never ! " he replied. " Do you suppose, Phil, when I have got so far out of their clutches, I will give t\iem one red cent ? No ! And do you suppose I would turn mother out of her home in lier old age ? That I would let her pay all those hard-earned dollars for me, and never to see me ? For you know she will stay south as long as her other children are slaves. * What a good mother ! Tell her to buy i/ou, Phil. You have been a comfort to her, and I have been a trouble. And Linda, poor Linda ; what'U become of her ? Phil, you don't know what a life they lead her. She has told 4* 42 Incidents in the life of a Slave Girl. me something about it, and I wish old Flint was dead^ or a betterunan. When I was in jail, he asked her if she didn't want Am to ask mj master to forgive me, and take me home again. She told him, No ; that I didn't want to go back. He got mad, and said we were all alike. I never despised my own master half as much as I do that man. There is many a worse slaveholder than my master ; but for all that I would not be his slave." While Benjamin was sick, he had parted with nearly all his clothes to pay necessary" expenses. But he did not part with a little pin I fastened in his bosom when we parted. It was the most valuable thing I owned, and I thought none more worthy to wear it. He had it still. His brother furnished him with clothes, and gave him what money he had. They parted with moistened eyes ; and as Benjamin turned away, he said, " Phil, I part with all my kin- dred." And so it proved. We never heard from him again. Uncle Phillip came home; and the first words he uttered when he entered the house were, " Mother, Ben is free ! I have seen him in New York." She stood looking at him with a bewildered air. " Mother, don't you believe it ? " he said, laying his hand softly upon her shoulder. She raised her hands, and ex- claimed, " God be praised ! Let iis thank him." She dropped on her knees, and poured forth her heart in prayer. Then Phillip must sit down and repeat to her every word Benjamin had said. He told her all ; only ho forbore to mention how sick and pale her darling The Slave who Dared to Feel like a Man. 43 looked. Why should he distress her when she could do him no good ? The brave old woman still toiled on, hoping to res- cue some of her other children. After a while she succeeded in buying Phillip. She paid eight hundred dollars, and came home with the precious document that secured his freedom. The happy mother and son sat together by the old hearthstone that night, telling how proud they were of each other, and how they would prove to the world that they could take care of themselves, as .they had long taken care of others. • We all concluded by saying, ^' He that is wilUnff to be a slave, let him be a slave." 44 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL V. THE TRIALS OF GIRLHOOD. During the first years of my service in Dr. Flint's family, I was accustomed to share some indulgences with the children of my mistress. Though this seemed to me no more than right, I was grateful for it, and tried to ment the kindness by the faithful discharge of my duties. But I now entered on my fifteenth year — a sad epoch in the life of a slave girl. My master began to whisper foul words in my ear. Young as I was, I could not remain ignorant of their import. I tried to treat them with indiflFerence or contempt. The master's age, my extreme youth, and the fear that his conduct would be reported to my grandmother, made him bear this treatment for many months. He was a crafty man, and resorted to many means to accomplish his purposes. Sometimes he had stormy, terrific ways, that made his victims tremble ; some- times he assumed a gentleness that he thought must surely subdue. Of the two, I preferred his stormy moods, although they left me trembling. He tried his utmost to corrupt the pure principles my grandmother had instilled. He peopled my young mind with un- clean images, such as only a vile monster could think of. I turned from him with disgust and hatred. But he was my master. I was compelled to live under the same roof with him — where I saw a man forty years my senior daily violating the most sacred command- The Trials of Girlhood. 45 ments of nature. He told me I was his property^- that I must be subject to his will in all things. My soul revolted against the mean tyranny. But where could I turn for protection ? No matter whether the slave girl be as black as ebony or as fair as her mis- tress. In either case, there is no shadow of law to protect her from insult, from violence, or even from death ; all these are inflicted by fiends who bear the shape of men. The mistress, who ought to protect the helpless victim, has no other feelings towards her but those of jealousy and rage. The degradation, the wrongs, the vices, that grow out of slavery, are more than I can describe. Tiiey are greater than you would willingly believe. Surely, if you credited one half the truths that are told you concerning the helpless mil- lions suffering in this cruel bondage, you at the north would not help to tighten the yoke. You surely would refuse to do for the master j on your own soil, the moan and cruel work which trained bloodhounds and the lowest class of whites do for him at the south. Every where the years bring to all enough of sin and sorrow ; but in slavery the very dawn of life is darkened by these shadows. Even the little child, who is accustomed to wait on her mistress and her children, will learn, before she is twelve years old, why it is that her mistress hates such and such a one among the slaves. Perhaps the child's own mother is among those hated ones. She listens to violent outbreaks of jealous passion, and cannot help under- standing what is the cause. She will become prema- turely knowing in evil things. Soon she will learn to tremble when she hears her master's footfall. She 46 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. will be compelled to realize that she is no longer a child. If God has bestowed beauty upon her, it will prove her greatest curse. That which commands ad- miration in the white woman only hastens the degrar dation of the female slave. I know that some are too much brutalized bj slavery to feel the humiliation of their position ; but many slaves feel it most acutely, and shrink from the memory of it. I cannot tell how much I suffered in the presence of these wrongs, nor how I am still pained by the retrospect. My master met me at every turn, reminding me that I belonged to him, and swearing by heaven and earth that he would compel me to submit to him. If I went out for a breath of fresh air, after a day of unwearied toil, his footsteps dogged me. If I knelt by my mother's grave, his dark shadow fell on me even there. The light heart which nature had given me became heavy with sad forebodings. The other slaves in my master's house noticed the change. Many of them pitied me ; but none dared to ask the cause. _ They had no need to inquire. They knew too well the guilty practices under that roof ; and they were aware that to speak of them was an offence that never went unpunished. I longed for some one to confide in. I would have given the world to have laid my head on my grand- mother's faithful bosom, and told her all my troubles. But Dr. Flint swore he would kill me, if I was not as silent as the grave. Then, although my grandmother was all in all to me, I feared her as well as loved her. I had been accustomed to look up to her with a re- spect bordering upon awe. I was very young, and felt shamefaced about telling her such impure things, The Trials of Girlhood. 47 especially as I knew her to be very strict on such sub- jects. Moreover, she was a woman of a high spirit. She was usually very quiet in her demeanor ; but if her indignation was once roused, it was not very easily quelled. I had been told that she once chased a white gentleman with a loaded pistol, because he insulted one of her daughters. I dreaded the conse- quences of a violent outbreak ; and both pride and fear kept me silent. But though I did not confide in my grandmother, and even evaded her vigilant watch- fulness and inquiry, her presence in the neighborhood was some protection to me. Though she had been a slave. Dr. Flint was afraid of her. He dreaded her scorching rebukes. . Moreover, she was known and patronized by many people ; and he did not wish to have his villany made public. It was lucky for me that I did not live on a distant plantatioji, but in a town not so large that the inhabitants were ignorant of each other's affairs. Bad as are the laws and cus- toms in a slaveholding community, the doctor, as a professional man, deemed it prudent to keep up some outward show of decency. 0, what days and nights of fear and sorrow that man caused me ! Reader, it is not to awaken sym- pathy for myself that I am telling you truthfully what I suffered in slavery. I do it to kindle a flame of compassion in your hearts for my sisters who are still in bondage, suffering as I once suffered. I once saw two beautiful childi-en playing together. One was a fair white child ; the other was her slave, and also her sister. W#en I saw them embracing each other, and heard their joyous laughter, I turned 48 • Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. sadly away from the lovely sight. I foresaw the inev- itable blight that would fall on thfe little slave's heart. I knew how soon her laughter would be changed to sighs. The fair child grew up to be a still fairer woman. From childhood to womanhood her pathway was blooming with flowers, and overarched by a sunny sky. Scarcely one day of her life had been clouded when the sun rose on her happy bridal morning. How had those years dealt with her slave sister, the little plajrmate of her childhood ? She, also, was very beautiful ; but the flowers and simshine of love were not for her. She drank the cup of sin, and shame, and misery, whereof her persecuted race are com- pelled to drink. In view of these things, why are ye silent, ye free men and women of the north ? Why do your tongues falter in maintenance of the right ? Would that I had more ability ! But my heart is so full, and my pen is so weak! There are noble men and women who plead for us, striving to help those who cannot help themselves. God bless them ! God give them strength and courage to go on ! God bless those, every where, who are laboring to advance the cause of humanity ! The Jealous Miftrefs. . 49 VI. THE JEALOUS MISTRESS. I WOULD ten thousand times rather that my children should be the half-starved paupers of Ireland than to be the most pampered among the slaves of America. I would rather drudge out my life on a cotton planta- tion, till the grave opened to give me rest, than to live with an unprincipled master and a jealous mistress. The felon's home in a penitentiary is preferable. He may repent, and turn from the error of his ways, and so find peace ; but it is not so with a favorite slave. She is not allowed to have any pride of character. It is deemed a crime in her to wish to be virtuous. Mrs. Flint possessed the key to her husband's char- acter before I was born. She might have used this knowledge to counsel and to screen the young and the innocent among her slaves ; but for them she had no sympathy. They were the objects of her constant sus- picion and malevolence. She watched her husband with unceasing vigilance ; but he was well practised in means to evade it. What he could not find opportu- nity to say in words he manifested in signs. He in- vented more than were ever thought of in a deaf and dumb asylum. I let them pass, as if I did not under- stand what he meant ; and many were the curses and threats bestowed on me for my stupidity. One day he caught me teaching myself to write. He frowned, as if he was not well pleased ; but I suppose he came to 6 50 Incidents In the Life of a Slave Girl. the conclusion that such an accomplishment might help to advance his favorite scheme. Before long, notes were often slipped into my hand. I would re- turn them, saying, " I can't read them, sir." " Can't you ? " he replied ; " then I must read them to you." He always finished tlio reading by asking, '^ Do you understand ? " Sometimes he would complain of the heat of the tea room, and order his supper to be placed on a small table in the piazza. He would seat himself there with a well-satisfied smile, and tell me to stand by and brush away the fiies. He would eat very slowly, pausing between the mouthfuls. These inter- vals were employed in describing the happiness I was so foolishly throwing away, and in threatening me with the penalty that finally awaited my stubborn dis- obedience. He boasted much of the forbearance he had exercised towards me, and reminded me that there was a limit to his patience. When I succeeded in avoiding opportunities for him to talk to me at home, I was ordered to come to his office, to do some errand. When there, I was obliged to stand and listen to such language as he saw fit to address to me. Sometimes I so openly expressed my contempt for him that he would become violently enraged, and I wondered why he did not strike me. Circumstanced as he was, he probably thought it was better policy to be forbearing. But the state of things grew worse and worse daily. In desperation I told him that I must and would apply to my grandmother for protection. He threatened me with death, and worse than death, if I made any com- plaint to her. Strange to say, I did not despair. I was naturally of a buoyant disposition, and always I The Jealous Mistrefs. had a hope of somehow getting out of his clutches. Like many a poor, simple slave before me, I trusted that some threads of joy would yet be woven into my dark destiny. I had entered my sixteenth year, and every day it became more apparent that my presence was intoler- able to Mrs. Flint. Angry words frequently passed between her and her husband. He had never punished me himself, and he would not allow any body else to punish me. In that respect, she was never satisfied ; I but, in her angry moods, no terms were too vile for her to bestow upon me. Yet I, whom she detested so bitterly, had far more pity for her than he had, whose duty it was to make her life happy. I never wronged her, or wished to wrong her ; and one word of kind- I ness from her would have brought me to her feet. After repeated quarrels between the doctor and his wife, he announced his intention to take his youngest daughter, then four years old, to sleep in his apart- ment. It was necessary that a servant should sleep in the same room, to be on hand if the child stirred. I was selected for that office, and informed for what purpose that arrangement had been made. By man- aging to keep within sight of people, as much as pos- sible, during the day time, I had hitherto succeeded in eluding my master, though a razor was often held to my throat to force me to change this line of policy. At night I slept by the side of my great aunt, where I felt safe. He was too prudent to come into her room. She was an old woman, and had been in the family many years. Moreover, as a married man, and a pro- fessional man, he deemed it necessary to save appear- 52 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. ances in some degree. But lie resolved to remove the obstacle in the way of his scheme ; and he thought he had planned it so that he should evade suspicion. He was well aware how much I prized my refuge by the side of my old aunt, and he determined to dispossess me of it. The first night the doctor had the little child in his room alone. The next morning, I was ordered to take my station as nurse the following night. A kind Providence interposed in my favor. j During the day Mrs. Flint heard of this new arrange- ' ment, and a storm foUoweRl. I rejoiced to hear it { rage. After a while my mistress sent for me to come to her room. Her first question was, " Did you know you were to sleep in the doctor's room ? " " Yes, ma'am.*' " Who told you ? " ■ " My master." | " Will you answer truly all the questions I ask ? " j " Yes, ma'am." " Tell me, then, as you hope to be forgiven, are you innocent of what I have accused you ? " " I am." She handed me a Bible, and said, " Lay your hand on your heart, kiss this holy book, and swear before God that you tell me the truth." I took the oath she required, and I did it with a clear conscience. " You have taken God's holy word to testify your innocence,'*' said she. " If you have deceived me, be- ware ! Now take this stool, sit down, look me directly in the face, and tell me all that has passed between your master and you." I" The Jealous Mistrefs. 53 I did as she ordered. As I went on with my ac- count her color changed frequently, she wept, and sometimes groaned. She spoke in tones so sad, that I was touched by her grief. The tears came to my eyes ; but I was soon convinced that her emotions arose from anger and wounded pride. She felt thct her marriage vows were desecrated, her dignity in- "f*sulted ; but she had no compassion for tllfe poor vic- tim of her husband's perfidy. She pitied herself as a martyr; but she was incapable of feeling for the condition of shame and misery in which her unfor- tunate, helpless slave was placed. Yet perhaps she had some touch of feeling for me ; for when the conference was ended, she spoke kindly, and promised to protect me. I should have been much comforted by this assurance if I could have had confidence in it ; but my experiences in slavery had filled me with distrust. She was not a very refined woman, and had not much control over her passions. I was an object of her jealousy, and, consequently, of her hatred ; and I knew I could not expect kindness or confidence from her under the circumstances in which I was placed. I could not blame her. Slave-' holders' wives feel as other women would under sim- ilar circumstances. The fire of her temper kindled from small sparks, and now the flame became so in- tense that the doctor was obliged to give up his intended arrangement. I knew I had ignited the torch, and I expected to suffer for it afterwards ; but I felt too thankful to my mistress for the timely aid she rendered me to care much about that. She now took me to sleep in a 6* 54 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. xoom adjoining hor own. There I was an object of* her especial care, though not of her especial comfort, for she spent many a sle^less night to watch over me. Sometimes I woke up, and found her bending over me. At other times she whispered in my ear, as though it was her husband who was speaking to me, and listened to hear what I would answer. If slie startled me, on such occasions, she would glide stealth- ily away ; and the next morning she would tell me I bad been talking in my sleep, and ask who I was talk- ing to. At last, I began to be fearful for my life. It had been often threatened ; and you can imagine, bet- ter than I can describe, what an unpleasant sensation it must produce to wake up in the dead of night and find a jealous woman bending over you. Terrible as this experience was, I had fears that it would give place to one more terrible. My mistress grew weary of her vigils ; they did not prove satisfactory. She changed her tactics. She now tried the trick of accusing my master of crime, in my presence, and gave my name as the author of the accusation. To my utter astonishment, he replied, ** I don't believe it ; but if she did acknowledge it, you tortured her into exposing me." Tortured into expos- ing him! Truly, Satan had no diiSSculty in distin- guishing the color of his soul! I understood his object in making this false representation. It was to show me that I gained nothing by seeking the protec- tion of my mistress ; that tlie power was still all in his own hands. I pitied Mrs. Flint. She was a second wife, many years the junior of her husband ; and the hoary-headed miscreant was enough to try the patience The Jealous Mistrefs. 55 of a wiser and better woman* She was completely foiled, and knew not how to proceed. She would gladly have had me flogged for my supposed false oath ; but, as I have already stated, the doctor never allowed any one to whip me. The old sinner was politic. The application of the lash might have led to remarks that would have exposed him in the eyes of his children and grandchildren. How often did I re- joice that I lived in a town where all the inhabitants knew each other ! If I had been on a remote planta- tion, or lost among the multitude of a crowded city, I should not be a living woman at this day. The secrets of slavery are concealed like those of the Inquisition. My master was, to my knowledge, the father of eleven slaves. But did the mothers dare to tell who was the father of their children ? Did the other slaves dare to allude to it, except in whispers among themselves ? No, indeed ! They knew too well the terrible consequences. My grandmother could not avoid seeing things which excited her suspicions. She was uneasy about me, and tried various ways to buy me ; b\it the never- changing answer was always repeated : " Linda does not belong to me. She is my daughter's property, and I have no legal right to sell her." The conscientious man ! He was too scrupulous to sell me ; but he had no scruples whatever about committing a much greater wrong against the helpless young girl placed under his guardianship, as his daughter's property. Sometimes my persecutor would ask me whether I would like to be sold. I told him I would rather be sold to any body than to lead such a life as I did. On such occa- 56 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. sioAS he would assume the air of a very injured mdividualy and reproach me for my ingratitude* <^ Did I not take you into the house, and make 70a the companion of my own children ? ^ he would say. " Have I ever treated you like a negro ? I have never allowed you to be punished, not even to please your mistress. And this is the recompense I get, you un- grateful girl ! " I answered that he had reasons of his own for screening me from punishment, and that the course he pursued made my mistress hate me and per- secute me. If I wept, he would say, ^^ Poor child ! Don't cry ! don't cry ! I will make peace for you with your mistress. Only let me arrange matters in my own way. Poor, foolish girl ! you don't know what is for your own good. I would cherish you. I would make a lady of you. Now go, and think of all I have promised you." I did think of it. Reader, I draw no imaginary pictures of southern homes. I am telling you the plain truth. Yet when victims make their escape from tliis wild beast of Slavery, northerners consent to act the part of blood- hounds, and hunt the poor fugitive back into his den, "full of dead men's bones, and all uncleanness." Nay, more, they are not only willing, but proud, to give their daughters in marriage to slaveholders. The poor girls have romantic notions of a sunny clime, and of the flowering vines that all the year round shade a happy home. To what disappointments are they des- tined ! The young wife soon learns that the husband in whose hands she has placed her happiness pays no regard to liis marriage vows. Children of every shade The Jealous Mistrefs. 57 of complexion play with her own fair babies, and too well she knows that they are born unto him of his own household. Jealousy and hatred enter the flowery home, and it is ravaged of its loveliness. Southern women often many a man knowing that he is the father of many little slaves. They do not trouble themselves about it. They regard such chil- dren as property, as marketable as the pigs on \ the plantation ; and it is seldom that they do not make them aware of' this by passing them into the slave- ' trader's hands as soon as possible, and thus getting them out of their sight. I am glad to say there are some honorable exceptions. I have myself known two southern wives who ex- horted their husbands to free those slaves towards whom they stood in a " parental relation ; " and their request was granted. These husbands blushed before the superior nobleness of their wives' natures. Though they had only counselled them to do that which it was their duty to do, it commanded their respect, and ren- dered their conduct more exemplary. Concealment was at an end, and confidence took the place of dis- trust. Though this bad institution deadens the moral sense, even in white women, to a fearful extent, it is not alto- gether extinct. I have heard southern ladies say of Mr. Such a one, " He not only thinks it no disgrace to be the father of those little niggers, but he is not ashamed to call himself their master. I declare, such things oiight not to be tolerated in any decent so- ciety ! " 58 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL THE LOVER. Why does the slave ever love ? Why allow the tenr drils of the heart to twine around objects which may at anj moment be wrenched away by the hand of vio- lence ? When separations come by the hand of death, the pious soul can bow in resignation, and say, ^^ Not my will, but thine be done, Lord ! " But when the ruthless hand of man strikes the blow, regardless of the misery he causes, it is hard to be submissive. I did not reason thus when I was a young girl. Youth will be youth. I loved, and I indulged the hope that the dark clouds around me would turn out a bright lining. I forgot that in the land of my birth the shadows are too dense for light to penetrate. A land *' Where laughter is not mirth ; nor thought the mind ; Nor words a language ; nor e'en men mankind. Where cries reply to curses, shrieks to blows. And each is tortured in his separate hell." There was in the neighborhood a young colored car- penter; a free born man. We had been well ac- quainted in childhood, and frequently met together afterwards. We became mutually attached, and he proposed to marry me. I loved him with all the ardor of a young girl's first love. But when I reflected that I was a slave, and that the laws gave no sanction to the marriage of such, my heart sank within me. My lover wanted to buy me ; but I knew that Dr. Flint The Lover. 59 was too wilful and arbitrary a man to consent to that arrangement. From him, I was sure of experiencing all sorts of opposition, and I had nothing to hope from my mistress. She would have been delighted to have got rid of me, but not in that way. It would have relieved her mind of a burden if she could have seen me sold to some distant state, but if I was married near home I should be just as much in her husband's power as I had previously been, — for the husband of a slave has no power to protect her. Moreover, my mish tress, like many others, seemed to think that slaves had no right to any family ties of their own ; that they were created merely to wait upon the family of the mistress. I once heard her abuse a young slave girl, who told her that a colored man wanted to make her his wife. " I will have you peeled and pickled, my lady," said she, " if I ever hear you mention that sub- ject again. Do you suppose that I will have you tend- ing my cliildren with the children of that nigger ? " The girl to whom she said this had a mulatto child, of course not acknowledged by its father. The poor black man who loved her would have been proud to acknowledge his helpless offspring. Many and anxious were the thoughts I revolved in my mind. I was at a loss what to do. Above all things, I was desirous to spare my lover the insults that had cut so deeply into my own soul. I talked with my grandmother about it, and partly told her my fears. I did not dare to tell her the worst. She had long suspected all was not right, and if I confirmed her sus- picions I knew a storm would rise that would prove the overthrow of all my hopes. 6o Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. This love-dream had been my support through many trials ; and I could not bear to run the risk of having it suddenly dissipated. There was a lady in the neigh- borhood, a particular friend of Dr. Flint's, who often visited the house. I had a great respect for her, and she had always manifested a friendly interest in me. Grandmother thought she would have great influence with the doctor. I went to this lady, and told her my story. I told her I was aware that my lover's being a free-born man would prove a great objection ; but he wanted to buy me ; and if Dr. Flint would consent to that arrangement, I felt sure he would be willing to pay any reasonable price. She knew that Mrs. Flint disliked me ; therefore, I ventured to suggest that per- haps my mistress would approve of my being sold, as that would rid her of mo. The lady listened with kindly sympathy, and promised to do her utmost to promote my wishes. She had an interview with the doctor, and I believe she pleaded my cause earnestly ; but it was all to no purpose. How I dreaded my master now ! Every minute I expected to be summoned to his presence ; but the day passed, and I heard nothing from him. The next morning, a message was brought to me: '^Master wants you in his study." I found the door ajar, and I stood a moment gazing at the hateful man who claimed a right to rule me, body and soul. I entered, and tried to appear calm. I did not want him to know how my heart was bleeding. He looked fixedly at me, with an expression which seemed to say, "I have half a mind to kill you on the spot." At last he broke the silence, and that was a relief to both of us. The Lover. ^ 6i. " So you want to be married, do you ? " said he, " and to a free nigger." " Yes, sir." " Well, I'll soon convince you whether I am your master, or the nigger fellow you honor so highly. If you must have a husband, you may take up with one of my slaves." What a situation I should be in, as the wife of one of his slaves, even if my heart had been interested ! I replied, " Don't you suppose, sir, that a slave can have some preference about marrjring ? Do you sup- pose that all men are alike to her ? " " Do you love this nigger ? " said he, abruptly. « Yes, sir." " How dare you tell me so ! " he exclaimed, in great wrath. After a slight pause, he added, " I supposed you thought more of yourself; that you felt above the insults of such puppies." "I replied, "If he is a puppy I am a puppy, for we are both of the negro race. It is right and honor- able for us to love each other. The man you call a puppy never insulted me, sir ; and he would not love me if he did not believe me to be a virtuous woman." He sprang upon me like a tiger, and gave me a stunning blow. It was the first time he had ever struck me ; and fear did not enable me to control my anger. When I had recovered a little from the eflFects, I exclaimed, " You have struck me for answering you honestly. How I despise you ! " There was silence for some minutes. Perhaps he was deciding what should be my punishment ; or, per- haps, he wanted to give me time to reflect on what I 6 62 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. had said, and to whom I had said it. Finally, he asked, " Do you know what you have said ? " " Yes, sir ; but your treatment drove me to it." " Do you know that I have a right to do as I like with you, — that I can kill you, if I please ? " " You have tried to kill me, and I wish you had ; but you have no right to do as you like with me." "Silence!" he exclaimed, in a thundering voice. " By heavens, girl, you forget yourself too far ! Are you mad ? If you are, I will soon bring you to your senses. Do you think any other master would bear what I have borne from you this morning? Many masters would have killed you on the spot. How would you like to be sent to jail for your insolence ? " " I know I have been disrespectful, sir," I replied ; " but you drove me to it ; I couldn't help it. As for the jail, there would be more peace for me there than there is here." " You deserve to go there," said he, " and to be under such treatment, that you would forget the mean- ing of the word peace. It would do you good. It would take some of your high notions out of you. But I am not ready to send you there yet, notwith- standing your ingratitude for all my kindness and for- bearance. You have been the plague of my life. I have wanted to make you happy, and I have been re- paid with the basest ingratitude ; but though you have proved yourself incapable of appreciating my kind- ness, I will be lenient towards you, Linda. I will give you one more chance to redeem your character. If you behave yourself and do as I require, I will forgive you and treat you as I always have done ; but if you The Lover. 63 disobey me, I will punish you as I would the meanest slave on my plantation. Never let me hear that fel- low's name mentioned again. If I ever know of your speaking to him, I will cowhide you both ; and if I catch him lurking about my premises, I will shoot him as soon as I would a dog. Do you hear what I say ? I'll teach you a lesson about marriage and freo niggers ! Now go, and let this be the last time I have occasion to speak to you on this subject." Reader, did you ever hate ? I hope not. I never did but once ; and I trust I never shall again. Some- body has called it " the atmosphere of hell ; " and I believe it is so. For a fortnight the doctor did not speak to me. He thought to mortify me; to make me feel that I had disgraced myself by receiving the honorable addresses of a respectable colored man, in preference to the base proposals of a white man. But though his lips dis- dained to address me, his eyes were very loquacious. No animal ever watched its prey more narrowly than he watched me. He knew that I could write, though he had failed to make me read his letters ; and he was now troubled lest I should exchange letters with another man. After a while he became weary of silence ; and I was sorry for it. One morning, as he passed through the hall, to leave the house, he con- trived to thrust a note into my hand. I thought I had better read it, and spare myself the vexation of having him read it to me. It expressed regret for the blow he had given me, and reminded me that I myself was wholly to blame for it. He hoped I had become con- vinced of the injury I was doing myself by incurring 64 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL his displeasure. He wrote that he had made tip his mind to go to Louisiana ; that he should take several slaves with him, and intended I should be one of the number. My mistress would remain where she was ; therefore I should have nothing to fear from that quarter. If I merited kindness firom him, he assured mo that it would be lavishly bestowed. He begged me to think over the matter^.and answer the following day. The next morning I was called to carry a pair of scissors to his room. I laid them on the table, with the letter beside them. He thought it was my answer, j and did not call me back. I went as usual to attead ! my young mistress to and from school. He met me in the street, and ordered me to stop at his office on my way back. When I entered, he showed me his I letter, and asked me why I had not answered it. I replied, ^^ I am your daughter's property, and it is in your power to send me, or take me, wherever you please." He said he was very glad to find me so will- ing to go, and that we should start early in the autumn. He had a large practice in the town, and I rather thought he had made up the story merely to frighten me. However that might be, I was determined that I would never go to Louisiana with him. Summer passed away, and early in the autumn Dr. Flint's eldest son was sent to Louisiana to examine the country, with a view to emigrating. That news did not disturb me. I knew very well that I should not be sent with him. That I had not been taken to the planta- tion before this time, was owing to the fact that his son was there. He was jealous of his son ; and jeal- ousy of the overseer had kept him from punishing me by The Lover. 65 sending me into the fields to work. Is it strange that I was not proud of these protectors ? As for the over- seer, he was a man for whom I had less respect than I had for a bloodhound. Young Mr. Flint did not bring back a favorable re- port of Louisiana, and I heard no more of that scheme. Soon after this, my lover met me at the corner of the street, and I stopped to speak to him. Looking up, I saw my master watching us from his window. I hurried home, trembling with fear. I was sent for, im- mediately, to go to his room. He met me with a blow. " When is mistress to be married ? " said he, in a sneering tone. A shower of oaths and imprecations followed. How thankful I was that my lover was a free man! that my tyrant had no power to flog him for speaking to me in the street ! Again and again I revolved in my mind how all this would end. There was no hope that the doctor would consent to sell me on any terms. He had an iron will, and was determined to keep me, and to con- quer me. My lover was an intelligent and religious man. Even if he could have obtained permission to marry me while I was a slave, the marriage would give him no power to protect me from my master. It would have made him miserable to witness the in- sults I should have been subjected to. And then, if we had children, I knew they must " follow the con- dition of the mother." What a terrible blight that would be on the heart of a free, intelligent father! For his sake, I felt that I ought not to link his fate with my own unhappy destiny. He was going to Savannah to see about a little property left him by an uncle ; and 6* 66 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL hard as it was to bring my feelings to it, I eamestlj entreated him not to come back. I advised him to go to the Free States, where his tongae would not be tied, and where his intelligence would be of more avail to him. He left me, still hoping the day would come when I could be bought. With me the lamp of hope had gone out. The dream of my girlhood was over. I felt lonely and desolate. Still I was not stripped of all. I still had my good grandmother, and my affectionate brother. When he put his arms round my neck, and looked into my eyes, as if to read there the troubles I dared not tell, I felt that I still had something to love. But even that pleasant emotion was chilled by the reflection that he might be torn from me at any moment, by some sud- den freak of my master. If he had known how we loved each other, I think he would have exulted in separating us. We often planned together how we could get to the north. But, as William remarked, such things arc easier said than done. My movements were very closely watched, and we had no means of getting any money to defray our expenses. As for grandmother, she was strongly opposed to her chil- dren's undertaking any such project. She had not for- gotten poor Benjamin's sufferings, and she was afraid that if another child tried to escape, he would have a similar'or a worse fate. To me, nothing seemed more dreadful than my present life. I said to myself, *' William must be free. He shall go to the north, and I will follow him." Many a slave sister has formed the same plans. What Slaves are Taught of the North. 67 VIII. WHAT SLAVES ARE TAUGHT TO THINK OP THE NORTH. Slaveholders pride themselves upon being honor- able men ; but if you were to hear the enormous lies they tell their slaves, you would have small respect for their veracity. I have spoken plain English. Pardon me. I caimot use a milder term. When they visit tl;ie north, and return home, they tell their slaves of the runaways they have seen, and describe them to be in the most deplorable condition. A slaveholder once told me that he had seen a runaway friend of mine in New York, and that she besought him to take her back to her master, for she was literally dying of starva- tion ; that many days she had only one cold potato to eat, and at other times could get nothing at all. He said he refused to take her, because he knew her master would not thank him for bringing such a mis- erable wretch to his house. He ended by saying to me, " This is the punishment she brought on herself for running away from a kind master." This whole story was false. I afterwards staid with that friend in New York, and found her in comfort- able circumstances. She had never thought of such a thing as wishing to go back to slavery. Many of the slaves believe such stories, and think it is not worth while to exchange slavery for such a hard kind of free- dom. It is diflScult to persuade such that freedom 68 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl could make them useful men, and enable tliem to pro- tect tlieir wives and children. If those heathen in our Christian land had as much teaching as some Hindoos, they would think otherwise. Tlicy would know tliat lihcrty is more vahiablo than life. They would begin to understand their own capabilities, and exort tticiu- selvcs to become men and women. But while the Free States sustain a law which hurls fugitives back into slavery, how can the slaves resolvo to become men ? There are some who strive to pro- tect wives and daughters from the insults of tlieir masters ; hut those who liave such sentiments have had advantages above the general mass of slaves. Tliey have been partially civilized and Christianized by favoi^ able circumstances. Some are bold enough to utter such sentiments to their masters. 0, that there were niore of tliem ! Some poor creatures have been so brutalized by the ,6b that they will sneak out of the way to give tlieir lastors free access to tlieir wives and daughters. Do )u think tliis proves the black man to belong to aa iferior order of beings ? What would you be, if you Eld been born and brought up a slave, with gencr- jons of slaves for ancestors ? I admit that the black tan is inferior. But what is It tliat makes him so ? ; is the ignorance in wliich white men compel him to ve ; it is the torturing whip that lashes manhood out " him ; it is the fierce bloodhounds of the South, aad le scarcely less cruel human bloodhounds of the orth, who enforce the Fugitive Slave Law. They do le work. Southern gentlemen indulge in the most contempt- What Slaves are Taught of the North. 69 nous expressions about the Yankees, while they, on their part, consent to do the vilest work for them, such as the ferocious bloodhounds and the despised negro- hunters are employed to do at home. When south- erners go to the north, they are proud to do them honor ; but the northern man is not welcome south of Mason and Dixon's line, unless he suppresses every thought and feeling at variance with their " peculiar institution." Nor is it enough to be silent. The mas- ters are not pleased, unless they obtain a greater de- gree of subservience than that ; and they are gener- ally accomodated. Do they respect the northerner for this ? I trow not. Even the slaves despise " a northern man with southern principles ; '' and that is the class they generally see. When northerners go to the south to reside, they prove very apt scholars. They soon imbibe tlie sentiments and disposition of their neighbors, and generally go beyond their teachers. Of the two, they are proverbially the hardest masters. They seem to satisfy their consciences with the doc- trine that God created the Africans to be slaves. What a libel upon the heavenly Father, who " made of one blood all nations of men ! " And then who are Afri- cans ? Who can measure the amount of Anglo-Saxon blood coursing in the veins of American slaves ? I have spoken of the pains slaveholders take to give their slaves a bad opinion of the north ; but, notwith- standing this, intelligent slaves are aware that they have many friends in the Free States. Even the most ignorant have some confused nbtions about it. They knew that I could read ; and I was often asked if I had seen any thing in the newspapers about white folks 70 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. over in the big north, who were trjing to get their freedom for them. Some believe that the abolitionists have ah^ady made them fi^e, and that it is established by law, but that their masters prevent the law from going into effect. One woman begged me to get a newspaper and read it over. She said her husband told her that the black people had sent word to the queen of 'Merica that they were all slaves ; that she didn't brieve it, and went to Washington city to see the president about it. They quarrelled; she drew her sword upon him, and swore that he should help her to make them all free. That poor, ignorant woman thought that America was governed by a Queen, to whom the President was subordinate. I wish the President was subordinate to Queen Justice. Sketches of Neighboring Slaveholders. 71 IX. SKETCHES OP NEIGHBOEING SLAVEHOLDERS. There was a planter in the country, not far from us, whom I will call Mr. Litch. He was an ill-bred, un- educated man, but very wealthy. He had six hun- dred slaves, many of whom he did not know by sight. His extensive plantation was managed by well-paid overseers. There was a jail and a whipping post on his grounds ; and whatever cruelties were perpetrated there, they passed without comment. He was so effectually screened by his great wealth that he was called to no account for his crimes, not even for murder. Various were the punishments resorted to. A fa- vorite one was to tie a rope round a man's body, and suspend him from the ground. A fire was kindled over him, from which was suspended a piece of fat pork. As this cooked, the scalding drops of fat con- tinually fell on the bare flesh. On his own plantation, he required very strict obedience to the eighth com- mandment. But depredations on the neighboi's were allowable, provided the culprit managed to evade de- tection or suspicion. If a neighbor brought a charge of theft against any of his slaves, he was browbeaten by the master, who assured him that his slaves had enough of every thing at home, and had no induce- ment to steal. No sooner was the neighbor's back turned, than the accused was sought out, and whipped 72 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL for his lack of discretion. If a slave stole from him even a pound of meat or a peck of corn, if detection followed, he was put in chains and imprisoned, and so kept till his form was attenuated by hunger and snf-' fering. A freshet once bore his wine cellar and meat house miles away from the plantation. Some slaves followed, and secured bits of meat and bottles of wine. Two were detected ; a ham and some liquor being found in their huts. They were summoned by their master. No words were used, but a club felled them to the 'ground. A rough box was their coflSn, and their interment was a dog's burial. Nothing was said. Murder was so common on his plantation that he feared to be alone after nightfall. He might have believed in ghosts. His brother, if not equal in wealth, was at least equal in cruelty. His bloodhounds were well trained. Their pen was spacious, and a terror to the slaves. They were let loose on a runaway, and, if they tracked him, they literally tore the flesh from his bones. Wlien this slaveholder died, his shrieks and groans were so fMghtful that they appalled his own friends. His last words were, " I am going to hell ; bury my money with me." After death his eyes remained open. To press the lids down, silver dollars were laid on them. These were buried with him. Prom this circumstance, a rumor went abroad that his coffin was filled with money. Three times his grave was opened, and his coffin taken out. The last time, his body was found on the ground, and a flock of buzzards were pecking Sketches of Neighboring Slaveholders. 73 at it. He was again interred, and a sentinel set orer his grave. The perpetrators were never discovered. Cruelty is contagious in uncivilized communities. Mr. Conant, a neighbor of Mr. Litch, returned from town one evening in a partial state of intoxication. His body servant gave him some offence. He was divested of his clothes, except his shirt, whipped, and tied to a large tree in front of the house. It was a stormy night in winter. The wind blew bitterly cold, and tlie boughs of the old tree crackled under falling sleet. A member of the family, fearing he would freeze to death, begged that he might be taken down ; but the master would not relent. He remained there three hours ; and, when he was cut down, he was more dead than alive. Another slave, who stole a pig from this master, to appease his hunger, was terribly flogged. In desperation, he tried to run away. But at the end of two miles, he was so faint with loss of blood, he thought he was dying. He had a wife, and he longed to see her once more. Too sick to walk, he crept back that long distance on his hands and knees. When he reached his master's, it was night. He had not strength to rise and open the gate. He moaned, and tried to call for help. I had a friend living in the same family. At last his cry reached her. She went out and found the prostrate man at the gate. She ran back to the house for assistance, and two men returned with her. They carried him' in, and laid him on the floor. The back of his shirt was one clot of blood. By means of lard, my friend loosened it from the raw flesh. She bandaged him, gave him cool drink, and left him to rest. The master said he de- 7 74 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL served a hundred more lashes. When his own labor was stolen from him, he had stolen food to appease his hunger. This was his crime. Another neighbor was a Mrs. Wade. At no hour of the day was there cessation of the lash on her premises. Her labors began with the dawn, and did not cease till long after nightfall. The bam was her particular place of torture. There she lashed the slaves with the might of a man. An old slave of hers once said to me, '^ It is hell in missis's house. 'Pears I can never get out. Day and night I prays to die.*' The mistress died before the old woman, and, whea dying, entreated her husband not to permit any one of her slaves to look on her after death. A slave who had nursed her children, and had still a child in her care, watched her chance, and stole with it in her arms to the room where lay her dead mistress. She gazed a while on her, then raised her hand and dealt two blows on her face, saying, as she did so, " The devil is got you now ! " She forgot that the child was looking on. She had just begun to talk ; and she said to her father, ^' I did see ma, aiid mammy did strike ma, so,*' striking her own face with her little hand. The master was startled. He could not im- agine how the nurse could obtain access to the room where the corpse lay; for he kept the door locked. He questioned her. She confessed that what the child had said was true, and told how she had procured the key. She was sold to Georgia. In my childhood I knew a valuable slave, named Charity, and loved her, as all children did. Her young mistress married, and took her to Louisiana. Her Sketches of Neighboring Slaveholders. 75 little boj, James, was sold to a good sort of master. He became involved in debt, and James was sold again to a wealthy slaveholdpr, noted for his cruelty. With this man he grew up to manhood, receiving the treatment of a dog. After a severe whipping, to save himself from further infliction of the lash, with which he was threatened, he took to the woods. He was in a most miserable condition — cut by the cowskin, half naked, half starved, and without the means of procuring a crust of bread. Some weeks after his escape, he was captured, tied, and carried back to his master's plantation. This man considered punishment in his jail, on bread and water, after receiving hundreds of lashes, too mild for the poor slave's oflFence. Therefore he decided, after the overseer should have whipped him to his satis- faction, to have him placed between the screws of the cotton gin, to stay as long as he had been in the woods. This wretched creature was cut with the whip from his head to his feet, then washed with strong brine, to prevent the flesh from mortifying, and make it heal sooner than it otherwise would. He was then put into the cotton gin, whicli was screwed down, only allowing him room to turn on his side when he could not lie on his back. Every morning a slave was sent with a piece of bread and bowl of water, which were placed within reach of the poor fellow. The slave was charged, under penalty of severe punishment, not to speak to him. Pour days passed, and the slave continued to carry the bread and water. On the second morning, he found the bread gone, but the water untouched. 76 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL When he had been in the press four days and fire nights, the slare informed his master that the water had not been used for four mornings, and that a hor- rible stench came from the gin house. The overseer was sent to examine into it. When the press was unscrewed, the dead body was found partly eaten by rats and vermin. Perhaps the rats that devoured his bread had gnawed him before life was extinct. Poor Charity ! Grandmother and I often asked each other how her affectionate heart would bear the news, if she should ever hear of the murder of her son. We had known her husband, and knew that James was like him in manliness and intelligence. These were the qualities that made it so hard for him to be a plantar tion slave. They put him into a rough box, and buried him with less feeling than would have been manifested for an old house dog. Nobody asked any questions. He was a slave ; and the feeling was that the master had a right to do what he pleased with his own property. And what did he care for the value of a slave ? He had hundreds of them. When they had finished their daily toil, they must hurry to eat their little morsels, and be ready to extinguish their pine knots before nine o'cliKsk, when the overseer went his patrol rounds. He entered every cabin, to see that men and their wives had gone to bed together, lest the men, from over-fatigue, should fall asleep in the chim- ney corner, and remain there till the morning horn called them to tlTeir daily task. Women are consid- ered of no value, unless they continually increase their owner's stock. They are put on a par with animals. This same master shot a woman through the head, who — -*i Sketches of Neighboring Slaveholders. 77 had run away and been brought back to him. No one called him to account for it. If a slave resisted being whipped, the bloodhounds were unpacked, and set upon him, to tear his flesh from his bones. The master who did these things was highly educated, and styled a perfect gentleman. He also boasted the name and standing of a Christian, though Satan never had a truer follower. I could tell of more slaveholders as cruel as those I have described. They are nbt exceptions to the gen- eral rule. I do not say there are no humane slave- holders. Such characters do exist, notwithstanding the hardening influences around them. But they are " like angels' visits — few and far between," I knew a young lady who was one of these rare specimens. She was an orphan, and inherited as slaves a woman and her six children. Their father was a free man. They had a comfortable home of their own, parents and children living together. The mother and eldest daughter served their mistress during the day, and at night returned to their dwell- ing, which was on the premises. The young lady was very pious, and there was some reality in her religion. She taught her slaves to lead pure lives, and wished them to enjoy the fruit of their own industry. Her religion was not a garb put on for Sunday, and laid aside till Sunday returned again. The eldest daugh- ter of the slave mother was promised in marriage to a free man ; and the day before the wedding this good mistress emancipated her, in order that her marriage might have the sanction of law. Beport said that this young lady cherished an un- 7* yS Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. requited affection for a man who had resolved to marry for wealth. In the course of time a rich uncle of hers died. He left six thousand dollars to his two sons by a colored woman, and the remainder of his property to this orphan niece. The metal soon at- tracted the magnet. Tlie lady and her weighty purse became his. She offered to manumit her slaves — tell- ing them that her marriage might make unexpected changes in their destiny, and she wished to insure their happiness. They r he kept his word. On the fourth day after the birth of my babe, he entered my room suddenly, and commanded me to rise and bring my baby to him. The nurse who took care of me had gone out of the room to prepare some nourishment, and I was alone. There was no alternative. I rose, took iip my babe, and crossed the room to where he sat. " Now stand there," said he, " till I tell you to go back ! " My child bore a strong resemblance to her father, and to the deceased Mrs. Sands, her grandmother. He noticed this ; and while I stood before him, trembling with weakness, he heaped upon me and my little one every vile epithet he could think of. Even the grandmother in her grave did not escape his curses. In the midst of his vituperations I fainted at his feet. This recalled him to his senses. He took the baby from my arms, laid it on the bed, dashed cold water in my face, took me up, and shook me violently, to restore my consciousness before any one entered the room. Just then my grandmother 1 20 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL came in, and he hurried out of the house. I suffered in consequence of this treatment ; but I begged my friends to let me die, rather than send for the doctor. There was nothing I dreaded so much as his presence. My life was spared ; and I was glad for the sake of my little ones. Had it not been for these ties to life, I should have been glad to be released by death, though I had lived only nineteen years. Always it gave me a pang that my children had no lawful claim to a name. Their father offered his ; but, if I had wished to accept the offer, I dared not while my master lived. Moreover, I knew it would not be accepted at their baptism. A Christian name they were at least entitled to ; and we resolved to call my boy for our dear good Benjamin, who had gone far away from us. My grandmother belonged to the church ; and she was very desirous of having the children christened. I knew Dr. Flint would forbid it, and I did not- venture to attempt it. But chance favored me. He was called to visit a patient out of town, and was obliged to be absent during Sunday. " Now is the time," said my grandmother ; " we will take the chil- dren to church, and have them christened.*' When I entered the church, recollections of my mother came over me, and I felt subdued in spirit. There she had presented me for baptism, without any reason to feel ashamed. She had been married, and had such legal rights as slavery allows to a slave. The vows had at least been sacred to her^ and she had never violated them. I was glad she was not alive, to know under what different circumstances her grand- Another Link to Life. 121 children were presented for baptism. Why had my lot been so different from my mother's ? Her master had died when she was a child ; and she remained with her mistress till she married. She was never in the power of any master ; and thus she escaped one class of the evils that generally fall upon slaves. When my baby was about to be christened, the former mistress of my father stepped up to me, and proposed to give it her Christian name. To this I added the surname of my father, who had himself no legal right to it ; for my grandfather on the paternal side was a white gentleman. What tangled skeins are tlie genealogies of slavery ! I loved my father ; but it mortified me to be obliged to bestow his name on my children. When we left the church, my fatlier's old mistress invited me to go home with her. She clasped a gold chain round my baby's neck. I thanked her for this kindness ; but I did not like the emblem. I wanted no chain to be fastened on my daughter, not even if its links were of gold. How earnestly I prayed that she might never feel the weight of slavery's chaini whose iron entereth into the soul ! 11 122 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL XV. CONTINUED PERSECUTIONS. Mt children grew finely ; and Dr. Flint would often say to me, with an exulting smile, ^^ These brats will bring me a handsome sum of money one of these days/* I thought to myself that, God being my helper, tliey should never pass into his hands. It seemed to me I would rather see them killed than have them given up to his power. The money for the freedom of my- self and my children could be obtained ; but I de- rived no advantage from that circumstance. Dr. Flint loved money, but he loved power more. After much discussion, my friends resolved on making another trial. There was a slaveholder about to leave for Texas, and he was commissioned to buy me. He was to begin with nine hundred dollars, and go up to twelve. My master refused his offers. " Sir," said he, " she don't belong to me. She is my daughter's property, and I have no right to sell her. I mistrust that you come from her paramour. If so, you may tell him that he cannot buy her for any money ; neither can he buy her children." The doctor came to see me the next day, and my heart beat quicker as he entered. I never had seen the old man tread with so majestic a step. He seated him- self and looked at me with withering scorn. My chil- dren had learned to be afraid of him. The little one Continued Perfecutions. 123 would shut her eyes and hide her face on my shoulder whenever she saw him; and Benny, who was now nearly five years old, often inquired, " What makes that bad man come here so many times ? Does he want to hurt us ?" I would clasp the dear boy in my arms, trusting that he would be free before he was old enough to solve the problem. And now, as flie doctor sat there so grim and silent, the child left his play and came and nestled up by me. At last my tormentor spoke. " So you are left in disgust, are you ? " said he. *' It is no more than I expected. You remember I told you years ago that you would be treated so. So he is tired of you ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! The virtuous madam don't like to hear about it, does she ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! " There was a sting in his calling me virtuous madam. I no longer had the power of answering him as I had formerly done. He continued : " So it seems you are trying to get up another intrigue. Your new paramour came to me, and offered to buy you ; but you may be assured you will not succeed. You are mine ; and you shall be mine for life. There lives no human being that can take you out of slavery. I would have done it ; but you rejected my kind offer." I told him I did not wish to get up any intrigue ; that I had never seen the man who offered to buy mo. " Do you tell me I lie ? " exclaimed he, dragging me from my chair. " Will you say again that you never saw that man ? " I answered, " I do say so." He clinched my arm witli a volley of oaths. Ben began to scream, and I told him to go to his grand- mother. 124 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL " Don't yon stir a step, yoa little wretch ! " said ho. Tlie cliild drew nearer to me, and put his arms rouud IDC, as if he wanted to protect me. This was too much for mj enn^d master. He cauglit him up and hurled him across the room. I thought he was dead, and rushed towards him to take him up. "Not yet!" exclaimed the doctor. "Let him lie there till he comes to." " Let me go ! Let me go ! " I screamed, " or I will raise the whole house." I struggled and got away ; but he clinched me again. Somebody opened the door, and he released me. I picked up my insensible child, and when I turned my tormentor was gone. Anxiously I bent over tho little form, so pale and still ; and wlien the brown eyes at lost opened, I don't know whether I was very happy. All the doctor's former persecutions were renewed. He came morning, noon, and night. No jealous lover ever watched a rival more closely than he watched m« and the unknown slaveholder, with whom he accused me of wishing to get up an intrigue. When my grand- mother was out of the way he searched every room to find him. In one of his visits, he happened to find a young girl, whom he had sold to a trader a few days previous. His statement was, that he sold her because she had been too familiar with the overseer. She had had a bitter life with him, and was glad fo be sold. She had no mother, and no near ties. She had been torn from all her family years before. A few friends had entered into bonds for her safety, if the trader would allow her to spend with tliem tlie time that intervened betwe^i Continued Perfecutions. 125 her sale and the gathering up of his human stock. Such a favor was rarely granted. It saved the trader the expense of board and jail fees, and though the amount was small, it was a weighty consideration in a slave-trader's mind. Dr. Flint always had an aversion to meeting slaves after he had sold them. He ordered Rose out of the house ; but he was no longer her master, and she took no notice of him. For once the crushed Rose was the conqueror. His gray eyes flashed angrily upon her ; but that was the extent of his power. " How came this girl here ? '' he exclaimed. " What right had you to allow it, when you knew I had sold her ? " I answered " This is my grandmother's house, and Rose came to see her. I have no right to turn' any body out of doors, that comes here for honest purposes." He gave me the blow that would have fallen upon Rose if she had still been his slave. My grandmoth- er's attention had been attracted by loud voices, and she entered in time to see a second blow dealt. She was not a woman to let such an outrage, in her own house, go unrebuked. The doctor undertook to ex- plain that I had been insolent. Her indignant feelings rose higher and higher, and finally boiled over in words. " Get out of my house ! " she exclaimed. " Go home, and take care of your wife and children, and you will have enough to do, without watching my family." He threw the birth of my children in her face, and accused her of sanctioning the life I was leading. She told him I was living with her by compulsion of his wife ; that he needn't accuse her, for he was the one to blame ; he .was the o|ie who had caused all the 11* 126 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL trouble. Slie grew more and more excited as she went on. " I tell you what, Dr. Flint," said she, " 7011 ain't got many more years to live, and you'd better be saying your prayers. It will take 'em all, and more too, to wash the dirt ofif your soul." " Do you know whom you are talking to ? " he ex- claimed. She replied, " Yes, I know very well who I am talk- ing to." He left the house in a great rage. I looked at my grandmother. Our eyes met. Their angry expres- sion had passed away, but she looked sorrowful and weary — weary of incessant strife. I wondered that it did not lessen her love for me ; but if it did she never showed it. She was always kind, always ready to sympathize with my troubles. There might have been peace and contentment in that humble home if it had not been for the demon Slavery. The winter passed undisturbed by the doctor. The beautiful spring came ; and when Nature resumes her loveliness, the human soul is apt to revive also. My drooping hopes came to life again with the flowers. I was dreaming of freedom again ; more for my children's sake than my own. I planned and I planned. Ob- stacles hit against plans. There seemed no way of overcoming them ; and yet I hoped. Back came the wily doctor. I was not at home when he called. A friend had invited me to a small party, and to gratify her I went. To my great consternation, a messenger came in haste to say that Dr. Flint was at my grandmother's, and insisted on seeing me. They did not tell him where I was, or he would have come Continued Perfccutions. 127 and raised a disturbance in my friend*s house. They sent me a dark wrapper ; I threw it on and hurried home. My speed did not save me ; the doctor had gone away in anger. I dreaded the morning, but I could not delay it ; it came, warm and bright. At an early hour the doctor came and asked me where I had been last night. I told him. He did not believe me, and sent to my friend's house to ascertain the facts. He came in the afternoon to assure me he was satisfied that I had spoken the truth. He seemed to be in a facetious mood, and I expected some jeers were coming. " I suppose you need some recreation," said he, " but I am surprised at your being there, among those negroes. It was not the place for you. Are you (Mowed to visit such people ? " I understood this covert fling at the white gentleman who was my friend ; but I merely replied, " I went to visit my friends, and any company they keep is good enough for me.'* He went on to say, " I have seen very little of you of late, but my interest in you is unchanged. When I said I would have no more mercy on you I was rash. I recall my words. Linda, you desire freedom for your- self and your children, and you can obtain it only through me. If you agree to what I am about to pro- pose, you and they shall be free. There must be no communication of any kind between you and their father. I will procure a cottage, where you and the children can live together. Your labor shall be light, such as sewing for my family. Think what is offered you, Linda — a home and freedom! Let the past be forgotten. If I have been harsh with you at times, 1 28 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. your wilfulness drove me to it. You know I exact obedience from my own children, and I consider you as yet a child.'' He paused for an answer, but I remained silent. "Why don't you speak?" said he. "What more do you wait for ? " " Nothing, sir." " Then you accept my oflFer ? " « No, sir." His anger was ready to break loose ; but he succeeded in curbing it, and replied, " You have answered with- out thought. But I must let you know there are two sides to my proposition ; if you reject the bright side, you will be obliged to take the dark one. You must either accept my offer, or you and your children shall be sent to your young master's plantation, there to remain till your youiig mistress is married ; and your children shall fare like the rest of the negro children. I give you a week to consider of it." He was shrewd ; but I knew he was not to be trusted. I told him I was ready to give my answer now. " I will not receive it now," he replied. " You act too much from impulse. Remember that you and your children can be free a week from to-day if you choose." On what a monstrous chance hung the destiny of my children 1 I knew that my master's offer was a snare, and that if I entered it escape would be impos- sible. As for his promise, I knew him so well that I was sure if he gave me free papers, they would be so managed as to have no legal value. The alternative was inevitable. I resolved to go to the plantation. But then I thought how completely I should be in his Continued Perfecutions. 129 power, and the prospect was apalling. Even if I should kneel before him, and implore him to spare me, for the sake of my children, I knew he would spurn me with his foot, and my weakness would be his triumph. Before the week expired, I heard that yoimg Mr. Flint was about to be married to a lady of his own stamp. I foresaw the position I should occupy in his establishment. I had once been sent to the plantation for punishment, and fear of the son had induced the father to recall me very soon. My mind was made up ; I was resolved that I would foil my master and save my children, or I would perish in the attempt. I kept my plans to myself ; I knew that friends would try to dissuade me from them, and I would not wound their feelings by rejecting their advice. On the decisive day the doctor came, and said he hoped I had made a wise choice. " I am ready to go to the plantation, sir," I replied. " Have you thought how important your decision is to your children ? " said he. I told him I had. " Very well. 60 to the plantation, and my curse go with you," he replied. " Your boy shall be put to work, and he shall soon be sold ; and your girl shall be raised for the purpose of selling well. Go your own ways!" He left the room with curses, not to be re- peated. As I stood rooted to the spot, my grandmother came and said, " Linda, child, what did you tell him ? '* I answered that I was going to the plantation. " Must you go ? " said she. " Can't something be done to stop it ? " 130 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. • I told her it was useless to try ; but she begged me not to give up. She said she would go to the doctor, and remind him how long and how faithfully she had served in the family, and how she had taken her own baby from her breast to nourish his wife. She would tell him I had been out of the family so long they would not miss me ; that she would pay them for my time, and the money would procure a woman who had more strength for the situation than I had. I begged her not to go ; but she persisted in saying, " He will listen to me, Linda." She went, and was treated as I ex- pected. He coolly listened to what she said, but denied her request. He told her that what he did was for my good, that my feelings were entirely above my situa- tion, and that on the plantation I would receive treat- ment that was suitable to my behavior. My grandmother was much cast down. I had jnj secret hopes ; but I must fight my battle alone. I liad a woman's pride, and a mother's love for my children ; and I resolved that out of the darkness of this hour a brighter dawn should rise for them. My master had power and law on his side ; I had a determined will. There is might in each. Scenes at the Plantation. 131 XVI. SCENES AT THE PLANTATION. Early the next morning I left my grandmother's with my youngest child. My boy was ill, and I left him behind. I had many sad thoughts as the old wagon jolted on. Hitherto, I had suffered alone ; now, my little one was to be treated as a slave. As we drew near the great house, I thought of the time when I was formerly sent there out of revenge. I wondered for what purpose I was now sent. I could not tell. I resolved to obey orders so far as duty required ; but within myself, I determined to make my stay as short as possible. Mr. Flint was waiting to receive us, and told me to follow him up stairs to receive orders for the day. My little Ellen was left below in the kitchen. It was a change for her, who had always been so care- fully tended. My young master said she might amuse herself in the yard. This was kind of him, since the child was hateful to his sight. My task was to fit up the house for the reception of the bride. In the midst of sheets, tablecloths, towels, drapery, and carpeting, my head was as busy planning, as were my fingers with the needle. At noon I was allowed to go to Ellen. She had sobbed herself to sleep. I heard Mr. Flint say to a neighbor, " I've got her down here, and 111 soon take the town notions out of her head. My father is partly to blame for her nonsense. He ought to have broke her in long ago." The remark 132 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. was made within my hearing, and it would have been quite as manly to have made it to my face. He had said things to my face which might, or might not, have surprised his neighbor if he had known of them. He was " a chip of the old block." I resolved to give him no cause to accuse me of being too much of a lady, so far as work was con- cerned. I worked day and night, with wretchedness before me. When I lay down beside my child, I felt how much easier it would be to see her die than to see her master beat her about, as I daily saw him beat other little ones. The spirit of the mothers was so crushed by the lash, that they stood by, without courage to remonstrate. How much more must I suflFer, before I should be '.'broke in" to that degree? I wished to appear as contented as possible. Some- times I had an opportunity to send a few lines home ; and this brought up recollections that made it difficult, for a time, to seem calm and indifferent to my lot. Jfot- withstanding my efforts, I saw that Mr. Flint regarded me with a suspicious eye. Ellen broke down under the trials of her new life. Separated from me, with no one to look after her, she wandered about, and in a few days cried herself sick. One day, she sat under the window where I was at work, crying that weary cry which makes a mother's heart bleed. I was obliged to steel myself to bear it. After a while it ceased. I looked out, and she was gone. As it was near noon, I ventured to go down in search of her. The great house was raised two feet above the ground. I looked under it, and saw her about midway, fast asleep. I Scenes at the Plantation. 133 crept tinder and drew her out. As I held her in my arms, I thought how well it would be for her if she never waked up ; and I uttered my thought aloud. I was startled to hear some one say, " Did you speak to me ? " I looked up, and saw Mr. Flint standing be- side me. He said nothing further, but turned, frown- ing, away. That night he sent Ellen a biscuit and a cup of sweetened milk. This generosity surprised me. I learned afterwards, that in the afternoon he had killed a large snake, which crept from under the house ; and I supposed that incident liad prompted his unusual kindness. The next morning the old cart was loaded with shingles for town. I put Ellen into it, and sent her to her grandmother. Mr. Mint said I ought to have asked his permission. I told him the child was sick, and required attention which I had no time to give. He let it pass; for he was aware that I had accomplished much work in a little time. I had been three weeks on the plantation, when I planned a visit home. It must be at night, after every body was in bed. I was six miles from town, and the road was very dreary. I was to go with a young man, who, I knew, often stole to town to see his mother. One night, when all was quiet, we started. Fear gave speed to our steps, and we were not long in performing the journey. I arrived at my grandmother's. Her bed room was on the first floor, and the window was open, the weather being warm. I spoke to her and she awoke. She let me in and closed the window, lest some late passer-by should see me. A light was brought, and the whole household gathered round me, some smiling 12 134 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. and some crjring. I went to look at mj children, and thanked God for their happy sleep. The tears fell as I leaned over them. As I moved to leave, Benny stirred. I turned back, and whispered, '^Mother is here." After digging at his eyes with his little fist, they opened, and he sat up in bed, looking at me curiously. Having satisfied himself that it was I, he exclaimed, ^*0 mother! you ain't dead, are you? They didn't cut off your head at the plantation, did tliey ? " My time was up too soon, and my guide was waiting for me. I laid Benny back in his bed, and dried his tears by a promise to come again soon. Rapidly we retraced our steps back to the plantation. About half way we were met by a company of four patrols. Luckily we heard their horse's hoofs before they came in sight, and we had time to hide behind a large tree. They passed, hallooing and shouting in a manner that in- dicated a recent carousal. How thankful we were that they had not their dogs with them ! We hastened our footsteps, and when we arrived on the plantation we heard the sound of the hand-mill. The slaves were grinding their corn. We were safely in the house be- fore the horn summoned them to their labor. I divided my little parcel of food with my guide, knowing that \g had lost the chance of grinding his corn, and must toil all day in the field. Mr. Flint often took an inspection of the house, to see that no one was idle. The entire management of the work was trusted to me, because he knew noth- ing about it ; and rather than hire a superintendent he contejited himself with my arrangements. He had Scenes at the Plantation. 135; often urged upon his father the necessity of having me at the plantation to take charge of his affairs, and make clothes for the slaves; but the old man knew him too well to consent to that arrangement. When I had been working a month at the plantation, the great aimt of Mr. Flint came to make him a visit. This was the good old lady who paid fifty dollars for my grandmother, for the purpose of making her free, when slie stood on the auction block. My grand- mother loved this old lady, whom we all called Miss Fanny. She often came to take tea with us. On such occasions the table was spread with a snow-white cloth, and the china cups and silver spoons were taken from the old-fashioned buffet. There were hot muffins, tea rusks, and delicious sweetmeats. My grandmother kept two cows, and the fresh cream was Miss Fanny's delight. She invariably declared that it was the best in town. The old ladies had cosey times together. They would work and chat, and sometimes, while talking over old times, their spectacles would get dim with tears, and would have to be taken off and wiped. When Miss Fanny bade us good by, her bag was filled with grandmother's best cakes, and she was urged to come again soon. There had been a time when Dr. Flint's wife came to take tea with us, and when her children were also sent to have a feast of " Aunt Marthy's " nice cooking. But after I became an object of her jealousy and spite, she was angry with grandmother for giving a shelter to me and my children. She would not even speak to her in the street. This wounded my grandmother's feelings, for she could not retain ill will against the 136 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. woman Thorn Efae had noorished with her milk when a babe. The doctor's wife would gladly have preveiited our intercouree with Miss Faoiif if sbo could have doao it, but fortunately she was not dependent ou the bounty of the Flints. She bad enough to be inde- pendent; and that is more than can ever he gained from charity, however lavish it may be. Hiss Fanny was endeared to me by many recollec- tions, and I was rejoiced to see her at the plantation. The warmth of her lai^, loyal heart made the house socm pleasanter while she was in it. She staid a week, and I hod many talks with her. She said her prin- cipal object in coming was to see how I was treated, and whcthor any thing could be done for me. She in- quired whetlier she could help me in any way. I told her I believed not. She condoled with me in her own peculiar way ; saying she wished that I and all my grandmother's family were at rest iu our graves, for not until then should she feel any peace about us. The good old soul did not dream that I was planning to bestow peace upon her, with regard to myself and my children ; not by death, but by securing our freedom. Again and t^aJn I had traversed those drear miles, to and from the town ; and all the wa meditating upon some means of escape for myi my children. My friends had made every efl ingenuity could devise to efiFect our purchase, their plans had proved abortive. Dr. Flint wj cious, and determined not to loosen his grasp 1 I could have made my escape alono ; but it n for my helpless children than for myself that 1 Scenes at the Plantation. 137 for freedom. Though the boon would have been precious to me, above all price, I would not have taken it at the expense of leaving them in slavery. Every trial I endured, every sacrifice I made for their sakes, drew them closer to my heart, and gave me fresh courage to beat back the dark waves that rolled and rolled over me in a seemingly endless night of storms. The six weeks were nearly completed, when Mr. Flint's bride was expected to take possession of her new home. The arrangements were all completed, and Mr. Flint said I had done well. He expected to leave home on Saturday, and return with his bride the following Wednesday. After receiving various orders from him, I ventured to ask permission to spend Sun- day in town. It was granted ; for which favor I was thankful. It was tlie first I had ever asked of him, and I intended it should be the last. It needed more than one night to accomplish the project I had in view ; but the whole of Sunday would give me an opportunity. I spent the Sabbath with my grandmother. A calmer, more beautiful day never came down out of heaven. To me it was a day of conflicting emotions. Perhaps it was the last day I should ever spend under that dear, old sheltering roof! Perhaps these were the last talks I should ever have with the faithful old friend of my whole life ! Perhaps it was the last time I and my children should be together ! Well, better so, I thought, than that they should be slaves. I knew the doom that awaited my fair baby in slavery, and I de- termined to save her from it, or perish in the attempt. I went to make this vow at the graves of my poor 12* 138 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL parents, in the burying-ground of the slaves. " There the wicked cease from troubling, and there the weaiy be at rest. There the prisoners rest together ; thej hear not the voice of the oppressor ; the servant is free from his master." I knelt by the graves of mj parents, and thanked God, as I had often done before, that thej had not lived to witness my trials, or to mourn over my sins. I had received my mother's blessing when she died ; and in many an hour of trib- ulation I had seemed to hear her voice, sometimes chiding me, sometimes whispering loving words into my wounded heart. I have shed many and bitter tears, to think that when I am gone from my children they cannot remember me with such entire satisfaction as I remembered my mother. The graveyard was in the woods, and twilight was coming on. Nothing broke the death-like stillness ex- cept the occasional twitter of a bird. My spirit was overawed by the solemnity of the scene. For more than ten years I had frequented this spot, but never had it seemed to me so sacred as now. A black stump, at the head of my mother's grave, was all that re- mained of a tree my father had planted. His grave was marked by a small wooden board, bearing his name, the letters of which were nearly obliterated. I knelt down and kissed them, and poured forth a prayer to God for guidance and support in the perilous step I was about to take. As I passed the wreck of the old meeting house, where, before Nat Turner's time, the slaves had been allowed to meet for worship, I seemed to hear my father's voice come from it, bid- ding me not to tarry till I reached freedom or the Scenes at the Plantation. 139 grave* I rushed on with renovated hopes. My trust in Ood had been strengthened hj that prayer among the graves. My plan was to conceal myself at the house of a friend, and remain there a few weeks till the search was over. My hope was that the doctor would get dis- couraged, and, for fear of losing my value, and also of subsequently finding my children among the missing, he would consent to sell us; and I knew somebody would buy us. I had done all in my power to make my children comfortable during the time I expected to be separated from them. I was packing my things, when grandmother came into the room, and asked what I was doing. ^\ I am putting my things in or* der," I replied. I tried to look and speak cheerfully ; but her watchful eye detected something beneath the surface. She drew me towards her, and asked me to sit down. She looked earnestly at me, and said, " Linda, do you want to kill your old grandmother ? Do you mean to leave your little, helpless children ? I am old now, and cannot do for your babies as I once did for you." I replied, that if I went away, perhaps their fatlier would be able to secure their freedom. " Ah, my child," said she, " don't trust too much to him. Stand by your own children, and suffer with them till death. Nobody respects a mother who for- sakes her children ; and if you leave them, you will never have a happy moment. If you go, you will make me miserable tlie short time I have to live. You would be taken and brought back, and your sufferings would be dreadful. Remember poor Benjamin. Do 140 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL give it up, Linda. Try to bear a little longer. Things may turn out better than we expect." My courage failed me, in view of the sorrow I should briug on that faithful, loving old heart. I promised that I would try longer, and that I would take notliiug out of her house without her knowledge. Whenever the cliildren climbed on my knee, or laid tlicir heads on my lap, she would say, '^Poor little souls! what would you do without a mother? She don't love you as I do." And she would hug them to her own bosom, as if to reproach me for my want of affection ; but she knew all the while that I loved them better than my life. I slept with her that night, and it was the last time. The memory 0^ it haunted me for many a year. On Monday I returned to the plantation, and busied myself with preparations for the important day. Wed- nesday came. It was a beautiful day, and the faces of the slaves were as bright as the sunshine. The poor creatures were merry. They were expecting little presents from the bride, and hoping for better times under her administration. I had no such hopes for them. I knew that the young wives of slaveholders often thought their authority and importance would be best established and maintained by cruelty ; and what I had heard of young Mrs. Flint gave me no reason to expect that her rule over them would be less severe than that of the master and overseer. Truly, the colored race are the most cheerful and forgiving people on the face of the earth. That their masters sleep in safety is owing to their superabundance of heart ; and yet they look upon their sufferings with less Scenes at the Plantation. 141 pity than they would bestow on those of a horse or a dog. I stood at the door with others to receive the bride- groom and bride. She was a handsome, delicate-look- ing girl, and her face flushed with emotion at sight of her new home. I thought it likely that visions of a happy future were rising before her. It made me sad ; for I knew how soon clouds would come over her sun- shine. She examined every part of the house, and told me she was delighted with the arrangements I had made. I was afraid old Mrs. Flint had tried to prejudice her against me, and I did my best to please her. All passed off smoothly for me until dinner time arrived. I did not mind the embarrassment of wait* ing on a dinner party, for the first time in my life, half so much, as I did the meeting with Dr. Flint and bis wife, who would be among the guests. It was a mystery to me why Mrs. Flint had not made her ap- pearance at the plantation during all the time I was putting the house in order. I had not met her, face to face, for five years, and I had no wish to see her now. She was a praying woman, and, doubtless, considered my present position a special answer to her prayers. Nothing could please her better than to see me hum- bled and trampled upon. I was just where she would have me — in the power of a hard, unprincipled mas- ter. She did not speak to me when she took her seat at table ; but her satisfied, triumphant smile, when I handed her plate, was more eloquent than words. The old doctor was not so quiet in his demonstrations. He ordered me here and there, and spoke with pecu- 142 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. liar emphasis when he said ^* your mistress" I was drilled like a disgraced soldier. When all was over, and the last key turned, I songht my pillow, thank- ful that God had appointed a season of rest for the weary. The next day my *new mistress began her housekeep^ ing. I was not exactly appointed maid of all work ; but I was to do whatever I was told. Monday evening came. It was always a busy time. On that night the slaves received their weekly allowance of food. Three pounds of meat, a peck of corn, and perhaps a dozen herring were allowed to each man. Women received a poimd and a half of meat, a peck of com, and the same number of herring. Children over twelve years old had half the allowance of the women. The meat was cut and weighed by the foreman of the field hands, and piled on planks before the meat house. Then the second foreman went behind the building, and when the first foreman called out, " Who takes this piece of meat?" he answered by calling somebody's name. This method was resorted to as a means of preventing partiality in distributing the meat. The young mis- tress came out to see how things were done on her plantation, and she soon gave a specimen of her char- acter. Among those in waiting for their allowance was a very old slave, who had faithfully served the Flint family through three generations. When he hobbled up to get his bit of meat, the mistress said he was too old to have any allowance ; that when niggers were too old to work, they ought to be fed on grass. Poor old man ! He sufiered much before he found rest in the grave. Scenes at the Plantation. 143 My mistress and I got along very well together. At the end of a week, old Mrs. Flint made us another visit, and was closeted a long time with her daughter- in-law. I had my suspicions what was the subject of the conference. The old doctor's wife had been in- formed that I could leave the plantation on one condi- tion, and she was very desirous to keep me there. If she had trusted me, as I deserved to be trusted by her, she would have had no fears of my accepting that condition. When she entered her carriage to re- turn home, she said to young Mrs. Flint, " Don't neg- lect to send for them as quick as possible." My heart was on the watch all the time, and I at once concluded that she spoke of my^children. The doctor came the next day, and as I entered the room to spread the tea table, I heard him say, " Don't wait any longer. Send for them to-morrow." I saw through the plan. They thought my children's being there would fetter me to the spot, and that it was a good place to break us all in to abject submission to our lot as slaves. After the doctor left, a gentleman called, who had always man- ifested friendly feelings towards my grandmother and her family. Mr. Flint carried him over the plantation to show him the results of labor performed by men and women who were unpaid, miserably clothed, and half famished. The cotton crop was all they thought of. It was duly admired, and the gentleman returned with specimens to show his friends. I was ordered to carry water to wash his hands. As I did so, he said, " Linda, how do you like your new home ? " I told him I liked it as well as I expected. He replied, " They don't think you are contented, and to-morrow they are going 144 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL to bring your children to be with you. I am sorry for you, Liuda. I hope they will treat you kindly." 1 hurried from the room, unable to thank him. My suspicions were correct. My children were to be brought to the plantation to be ^' broke in." To this day I feel grateful to the gentleman who gave me this timely information. It nerved me to immediate action. The Flight. 14^ XVII. THE FLIGHT. Mr. Flint was hard pushed for house servants, and rather than lose me he had restrained his malice. I did my work faithfully, though not, of course, with a willing mind. They were evidently afraid I should leave them. Mr. Flint wished that I should sleep in the great house instead of the servants' quarters. His wife agreed to the proposition, but said I mustn't bring my bed into the house, because it would scatter feathers on her carpet. I knew when I went there that they would never think of such a thing as furnish- ing a bed of any kind for me and my little one. I therefore carried my own bed, and now I was forbidden to use it. I did as I was ordered. But now that I was certain my children were to be put in their power, in order to give them a stronger liold on me, I resolved to leave them that night. I remembered the grief this step would bring upon my dear old grand- mother; and nothing less than the freedom of my chil- dren would have induced me to disregard her advice. I went about my evening work with trembling steps. Mr. Flint twice called from his chamber door to in- quire why the house was not locked up. I replied that I had not done my work. "You have had time enough to do it," said he. " Take care how you answer me ! " I shut all . the windows, locked all the doors, and went up to the third story, to wait till midnight. How 13 146 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL # long thoee hours seemed, and how ferrentlv I prayed that Ood would not forsake me in this hour of utmost need ! I was about to risk every thing on the throw of a die ; and if I failed, O what would become of me and my poor children ? They would be made to suffer for my fault. At half past twelve I stole softly down stairs. I stopped on the second floor, thinking I heard a noise. I felt my way down into the parlor, and looked out of the window. The night was so intensely dark that I oould see nothing. I raised the window very sofUy and jumped out. Large drops of rain were falling, and the darkness bewildered me. I dropped on my knees, and breathed a short prayer to Ood for guidance and protection. I groped my way to the road, and rushed towards the town with almost lightning speed. I arrived at my grandmother's house, but dared not see her. She would say, " Linda, you are killing me ; ** and I kn^w that would unnerve me. I tapped softly at the window of a room, occupied by a woman, who had lived in the house several years. I knew she was a faithful friend, and could be trusted with my secret. I tapped several times before she heard me. At last she raised the window, and I whispered, ^' Sally, I have run away. Let me in, quick.'' She opened the door softly, and said in low tones, " For God's sake, don't. Your grandmother is trying to buy you and de chillem. Mr. Sands was here last week. He tole her he was going away on business, but he wanted her to go ahead about buying you and de chillem, and he would help her all he could. Don't run away, Linda. Your grandmother is all bowed down wid trouble now." The Flight. 147 I replied, " Sally, they are going to carry my chil- dren to the plantation to-morrow ; and they will never sell them to any body so long as they have me in their power. Now, would you advise me to go back ? " " No, chile, no," answered she. " Wlien dey finds you is gone, dey won't want de plague ob de chillern ; but where is you going to hide? Dey knows ebery inch ob dis house." I told her I had a hiding-place, and that was all it was best for her to know. I asked her to go into my room as soon as it was light, and take all my clothes out of my trunk, and pack them in hers ; for I knew Mr. Flint and the constable would be there early to search my room. I feared the sight of my children would be too much for my full heart ; but I could not go out into the uncertain future without one last look. I bent over the bed where lay my little Benny and baby Ellen. Poor little ones! fatherless and motherless! Memories of their father came over me. He wanted to be kind to them ; but they were not all to him, as they were to my womanly heart. I knelt and prayed for tlie innocent little sleepers. I kissed them lightly, and turned away. As I was about to open the street door, Sally laid her hand on my shoulder, and said, '^ Linda, is you gwine all alone ? Let me call your uncle." *' No, Sally," I replied, " I want no one to be brought into trouble on my account." I went fortli into the darkness and rain. I ran on till I came to the house of the friend who was to conceal me. Early the next morning Mr. Flint was at my grand- 148 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. mother^s inquiring for me. She told him she had not seen me, and supposed I was at the plantation. He watched her face narrowly, and said, " Don't you know any thing about her nmning off?" She assured him that she did not. He went on to say, " Last night slie ran off without the least provocation. We had treated her very kindly. My wife liked her. She will soon be found and brought back. Are her children with you ? " Wlictt told that they were, he said, " I am very glad to hear that. If they are here, she cannot be far off. It I find out that any of my niggers have had any thing to do with this damned business, I'll give 'em five hundred lashes." As he started to go to his iiBitlier's, he turned round and added, persuasively, ^^Let her be brought back, and she shall have her cliildren to live with her." The tidings made the old doctor rave and storm at a furious rate. It was a busy day for them. My grandmother's house was searched from top to bottom. As my trunk was empty, they concluded I had taken my clothes with me. Before ten o'clock every vessel northward bound was thoroughly examined, and the law against harboring fugitives was read to all on board. At night a watch was set over the town. Knowing how distressed my grandmother would be, I wanted to send her a message ; but it could not be done. Every one who went in or out of her house was closely watched. The doctor said he would take my children, unless she became responsible for them ; which of course she willingly did. The next day was spent in searching. Before night, the following ad- vertisement was posted at every corner, and in every public place for miles round : — The Flight 149 "$300 Reward! Ran away from the subscriber, an intelligent, bright, mulatto girl, named Linda, 21 years of age. Five feet four inches high. Dark eyes, and black hair inclined to curl ; but it can be made straight. Has a decayed spot on a front tooth. She can read and write, and in all probability will try to get to the Free States. All persons are for- bidden, imder penalty of the law, to harbor or employ said slave. $150 will be given to whoever takes her in the state, and $300 if taken out of the state and delivered to me, or lodged in jail. Db. Flint." 13* 150 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL XVIII. MONTHS OP PERIL. The se&rch for mo was kept up with more perse- yerenco than I had anticipated. I began to think that escape was impossible. I was in great anxiety lest I should implicate the friend who harbored me. I knew the consequences would be frightful ; and mueh as I dreaded being caught, even that seemed better than causing an innocent person to suffer for kindness to me. A week had passed in terrible suspense, when mj pur- suers came into such close yicinitj that I concluded they had tracked me to my hiding-place. I flew out of the house, and concealed myself in a thicket of bushes. There I remained in an agony of fear for two hours. Suddenly, a reptile of some kind seized my leg. In my fright, I struck a blow which loosened its hold, but I could not tell whether I had killed it ; it was so dark, I could not see what it was ; I only knew it was something cold and slimy. The pain I felt soon indicated that the bite was poisonous. I was compelled to leave my place of concealment, and I groped my way back into the house. The pain had become intense, and my friend was startled by my look of anguish. I asked her to prepare a poultice of warm ashes and vinegar, and I applied it to my leg, which was already much swollen. The application g^ve me some relief, but the swelling did not abate. The dread of being disabled was greater than the physical pain I endured. Months of Peril. 151 M7 friend asked an old woman, who doctored among the slaves, what was good for the bite of a snake or a lizard. She told her to steep a dozen coppers in vine- gar, over night, and apply the cankered vinegar to the inflamed part.* I had succeeded in cautiously conveying some mes- sages to my relatives. They were harshly threatened, and despairing of my having a chance to escape, they advised me to return to my master, ask his forgiveness, and let him make an example of me. But such coun- sel had no influence with me. When I started upon this hazardous undertaking, I had resolved that, come what would, there should be no turning back. " Give me liberty, or give me death," was my motto. When my friend contrived to make known to my relatives the painful situation I had been in for twenty-four hours, they said no more about my going back to my master. Something must be done, and that speedily ; but where' to turn for help, they knew not. God in his mercy ttiised up " a friend in need." Among the ladies who were acquainted with my grandmother, was one who had known her from child- hood, and always been very friendly to her. She had also known my mother and her children, and felt inter- ested for them. At this crisis of afiairs she called to see my grandmother, as she not unfrequently did. She observed the sad and troubled expression of her face, and asked if she knew where Linda was, and whether ♦ The poison of a snake is a powerful acid, and is counteracted by pow- erful alkalies, such as potash, ammonia, &c. The Indians are accustomed to apply wet ashes, or plunge the limb into strong lie. White men, em- ployed to lay out railroads in snaky places, often carry ammonia with them as an ai tidote. — Editor. 152 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL she was safe. My grandmother shook her head, with- out answering. ^^ Gome, Aunt Martha," said the kind ladj, ^^ tell me all about it. Perhaps I can do some- thing to help you." The husband of this lady held many slaves, and l)ought and sold slaves. She also hold a number in her own name ; but she treated them kindly, and would never allow any of them to be sold. She was unlike the minority of slaveholders' wives. My grandmother looked earnestly at her. Something in the expression of her face said ^^ Trust me ! " and she did trust. her. She listened attentively to the details of my story, and sat thinking for a while. At last she said, ^^ Aunt Martha, I pity you both. If you think there is any chance of Linda's getting to the Free States, I will conceal her for a time. But first you must solemnly promise tliat my name shall never be mentioned. If such a thing should become known, it would ruin me and my family. No one in my house must know of it, except the cook. She is so faithful that I would trust my own life with her ; and I know she likes Linda. It is a great risk ; but I trust no harm will come of it. Get word to Linda to be ready as soon as it is dark, before the patrols are out. I will send the housemaids on errands, and Betty shall go to meet Linda." The place where we were to meet was desig- nated and agreed upon. My grandmother was unable to thank the lady for this noble deed ; overcome by her emotions, she sank on her knees and sobbed like a child. I received a message to leave my friend's house at such an hour, and go to a certain place where a friend would be waiting for me. As a matter of prudence no names were mentioued. I had no means of conjectur- Months of Peril. 153 ing who I wfts to meet, or where I was going. I did not like to move thus blindfolded, but I had -no choice. It would hot do for me to remain where I was. I dis- guised myself, summoned up courage to meet the worst, and went to the appointed place. My friend Betty was there ; she was the last person I expected to see. We hurried along in silence. The pain in my leg was so intense that it seemed as if I should drop; but fear gave me strength. We reached the house and entered unobserved. Her first words were : " Honey, now you is safe. Dem devils ain't coming to search dis house. When I get you into missis' safe place, I will bring some nice hot supper. I specs you need it after all dis skeering.^' Betty's vocation led her to think eating the most important thing in life. Slie did not realize that my heart was too full for me to care much about supper. The mistress came to meet us, and led me up stairs to a small room over her own sleeping apartment. " You will be safe here, Linda," said she; "I keep this room to store away things that are out of use. The girls are not accustomed to be sent to it, and they will not suspect any thing unless they hear some noise. I always keep it locked, and Betty shall take care of the key. But you must be very careful, for my sake as well as your own ; and you must never tell my secret ; for it would ruin me and my family. I will keep the girls busy in the morning, that Betty may have a chance to bring your breakfast ; but it will not do for her to come to you again till night. I will come to see you sometimes. Keep up your courage. I hope this state of things will not last long." Betty came with the 154 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. ^ nice hot sapper/' and the mistress hastened down stairs to keep tilings straight till she returned. How my heart overflowed with gratitude ! Words choked in my throat ; but I could have kissed the feet of my benefactress. For that deed of Christian womuihood^ may Gk>d forever bless her ! I went to sleep that night with the feeling that I was for the present the most fortunate slave in town. Morning came and filled my little cell with light. I thanked the heavenly Father for this safe retreat. Opposite my window was a pile of feather beds. On the top of these I could lie perfectly concealed, and command a view of the street through which Dr. Mint passed to his office. Aiixious as I was, I felt a gleam of satisfaction when I saw him. Thus far I had out- witted him, and I triumphed over it. Who can blame slaves for being cunning ? They are constantly cono- pelled to resort to it. It is the only weapon of the weak and oppressed against the strength of their, tyrants. I was daily hoping to hear that my master had sold my children ; for I knew who was on the watch to buj them. But Dr. Flint cared even more for revenge than he did for money. My brother William, and the good aunt who had served in his family twenty years, and my little Benny, and Ellen, who was a little over two years old, were thrust into jail, as a means.of com- pelling my relatives to give some information about me. He swore my grandmother should never see one of them again till I was brought back. They kept these facts from me for several days. When I heard that my little ones were in a loathsome jail, my first impulse Months of Peril. 155 was to go to them. I was encoiinteriag dangers for tiie sake of freeing' them, and must I be the cause of their death ? The thought was agonizing. My benefac- tress tried to soothe me bj telling n>e that my aunt would take good care of the children while they remained in jail. But it added to my pain to think that the good old aunt, who had always been so kimd to her sister's orphan children, should be shut up in prison for no other crime than loving them I suppose my friends feared a reckless movement on my part, knowing, as they did, that my life was bound up in my children. I received a note from, my brother William. It was scarcely legible, and ran thus : " Wherever you are, dear sister, I beg of you not to come here. We are all much better off than you are. If you come, you will ruin us all. They would force you to tell where you had been, or they would kill you. Take the ad- vice of your friends ; if not for the sake of me and your children, at least for the sake of those you would ruin." Poor William ! He also must suffer for being my brother. I took his advice and kept quiet. My aunt was taken out of jail at the end of a month, because Mrs. Mint could not spare her any longer. She was tired of being her own housekeeper. It was quite too fatiguing to order her dinner and eat it too. My children remained in jail, where brother William did all he could for their comfort. Betty went to see them sometimes, and brought me tidings. She was not per- mitted to enter the jail ; but William would hold them up to the grated window while she chatted with them. When she repeated their prattle, and told me how they 156 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. wanted to see their ma, 1x17 tears would flow* Old Betty would exclaim, '^ Lors, chile ! what's you crying 'bout ? Dem young uns vil kill you dead. Don't be 80 chick'n hearted ! If you does, you vil nebber ^t thro' dis world." Good old soul ! She had gone through the world childless. She had never had little ones to clasp their arms round her neck ; she had never seen their solt eyes looking into hers ; no sweet little voices had called her mother ; she had never pressed her own infants to her heart, with tlie feeling that even in fetters there was something to live for. How could she realize my feelings ? Betty's husband loved children dearly, and wondered why God had denied them to him. He ex- pressed great sorrow when he came to Betty with the tidings that Ellen had been taken out of jail and carried to Dr. Flint's. She had the measles a short time before they carried her to jail, and the disease had left her eyes affected. The doctor had taken her home to attend to them. My children had always been afraid of the doctor and his wife. Tliey had never been inside of their house. Poor little Ellen cried all day to be carried back to prison. Tiie instincts of childhood are true. She knew she was loved in the jail. Her screams and sobs annoyed Mrs. Flint. Be- fore night she called one of the slaves, and said, '^ Here, Bill, carry this brat back to the jail. I can't stand her noise. If she would be quiet I should like to keep the little minx. She would make a handy wait- ing-maid for my daughter by and by. But if she staid here, with her white face, I suppose I should either kill her or spoil her. I hope the doctor will Months of Peril. 157 sell them as far as wind and water can carry them. As for their mother, her ladyship will find out yet what she gets by running away. She hasn't so much feeling for her children as a cow has for its calf. If she had, she would have come back long ago, to get them out of jail, and save all this expense and trouble. The good-for-nothing hussy ! When she is caught, she shall stay in jail, in irons, for one six months, and then be sold to a sugar plantation. I shall see her broke in yet. What do you stand there for. Bill ? Why don't you go off with the brat ? Mind, now, that you don't let any of the niggers speak to her in the street ! " When these remarks were reported to me, I smiled at Mrs. Mint's saying that she should either kill my child or spoil her. I thought to myself there was very little danger of the latter. I have always considered it as one of God's special providences that Ellen screamed till she was carried back to jail. That same night Dr. Flint was called to a patient, and did not return till near morning. Passing my grandmother's, he saw a light in the house, and thought to himself, "Perhaps this has something to do with Linda." He knocked, and the door was opened. ** What calls you up so early ? " said he. " I saw your light, and I thought I would just stop and tell you that I have found out where Linda is. I know where to put my hands on her, and I shall have her before twelve o'clock." When he had turned away, my grandmother and my uncle looked anxiously at each other. They did not know whether or not it was merely one of the doctor's tricks to frighten them. In their uncertainty, they thought it was best to have a 14 1^8 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. message conTeyed to my friend. Betty. Unwilling to alarm her mistress, Betty resolved to dispose of oie herself. She came to me, and told me to rise and dress quickly. We hurried down stairs, and across the yard, into the kitchen. She locked the door, and lifted up a plank in the floor. A buffido skin and a bit of carpet were spread for me to lie on, and a qiiilt thrown over me. ^^ Stay dar," said she, ^^ till I sees if dey know 'bout you. Dey say dey vil put thar bans on you afore tweWe o'clock. If dey did know whar you are, dey won't know now. Dey'll be disapinted dis time. Dat's all I got to say. If dey comes rumr magiu 'mong my tings, dey'll get one bressed sarssin from dis 'ere nigger." In my shallow bed I had but just room enough to bring my hands to my face to keep the dust out of my eyes ; for Betty walked over me twenty times in an hour, passing from the dresser to the fireplace. When she was alone, I could hear her pronouncing anathemas over Dr. Flint and all his tribe, every now and then saying, with a chuckling laugh, '^ Dis nigger's too cute for 'em dis time." When the housemaids were about, she had sly ways of drawing them out, that I might hear what they would say. She would repeat stories she had heard about my being in this, or that, or the other place. To which they would answer, that I was not fool enough to be staying round there; that I was in Philadelphia or New York before this time. When all were abed and asleep, Betty raised the plank, and said, ^^ Come out, chile; come out. Dey don't know nottin 'bout you. 'Twas only white folks' lies, to skeer de niggers." Some days after this adventure I had a much worse Months of Peril. 159 fright. As I sat very still in my retreat above stairs, cheerful visions floated through my mind. I thought Dr. Flint would soon get discouraged, and would be willing to sell my children, when he lost all hopes of making them the means of my discovery. I knew who was ready to buy them. Suddenly I heard a voice that chilled my blood. The sound was too familiar to me, it had been too dreadful, for me not to recognize at once my old master. He was in the house, and I at once concluded he had come to seize me. I looked round in terror. There was no way of escape. The voice receded. I supposed the constable was with him, and they were searching the house. In my alarm I did not forget the trouble I was bringing on my gener- ous benefactress. It seemed as if I were born to bring sorrow on all who befriended me, and that was the bitterest drop in the bitter cup of my life. After a while I heard approaching footsteps; the key was turned in my door. I braced myself against the wall to keep from falling. I ventured to look up, and there stood my kind benefactress alone. I was too much overcome to speak, and sunk down upon the floor. " I thought you would hear your master's voice," she said ; " and knowing you would be terrified, I came to tell you there is nothing to fear. You may even indulge in a laugh at the old gentleman's ex- pense. He is so sure you are in New York, that he came to borrow five hundred dollars to go in pursuit of you. My sister had some money to loan on interest. He has obtained it, and proposes to start for New York i to-night. So, for the present, you see you are safe. The doctor will merely lighten his pocket hunting after the bird he has left behind." i6o Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL THE CHILDREN SOLD. The doctor came back from New York, of coarse without accomplishing his purpose. He had expended considerable money, and was rather disheartened. My brother and the children had now been in jail two months, and that also was some expense. My friends thought it was a fayorable time to work on his dis- couraged feelings. Mr. Sands sent a speculator to offer him nine hundred dollars for my brother Wil- liam, and eight hundred for the two children. Th^se were high prices, as slaves were then selling ; but the offer was rejected. K it had been merely a question of money, the doctor would have sold any boy of Benny's age for two hundred dollars ; but he could not bear to give up the power of revenge. But he was hard pressed for money, and he revolved the matter in his mind. He knew that if he could keep Ellen till she was fifteen, he could sell her for a high price ; but I presume he reflected that she might die, or might be stolen away. At all events, he came to the conclusion that he had better accept the slave-trader's offer. Meeting him in the street, he inquired when he would leave town. "To-day, at ten o'clock," he replied. <*Ah, do you go so soon ? " said the doctor ; " I have been reflecting upon your proposition, and I have con- cluded to let you have the three negroes if you will say nineteen hundred dollars." After some parley, The Children Sold. i6i tiie trader agreed to his terms. He wanted the bill of sale drawn up and signed immediateTy, as he had a^ great deal to attend to during the short time he re- mained in town. The doctor went to the jail and told William he would take him back into his service if he would promise to behave himself; but he replied that ho would rather be sold. " And you shall be sold, you un- grateful rascal !'' exclaimed the doctor. In less than an hour the money was paid, the papers were signed^ s^led, and delivered, and my brother and children were in the hands of the trader. It was a hurried transaction ; and after it was over, tiie doctor's characteristic caution returned. He went back to the speculator, and said, ^^ Sir, I have come to lay you under obligations of a thousand dollars not to sell any of those negroes in this state." ^^ You come too late," replied the trader; ^^our bargain is closed." He had, in fact, already sold them to Mr. Sands, but he did not mention it. The doctor required him to put irons on '^ that rascal, Bill," and to pass through the back streets when he took his gang out of town. The trader was privately instructed to concede to his wishes. My good old aunt went to the jail to bid the children good by, supposing them to be the specu- lator's property, and that she should never see them again. As she held Benny in her lap, he said, ^' Aimt Nancy, I want to show you something." He led her to the door and showed her a long row of marks, say- ing, " Uncle Will taught me to count. I have made a mark for every day I have been here, and it is sixty days. It is a long time ; and the speculator is going to take me and Ellen away. He's a bad man. It's 14* i62 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL wrong for him to take grandmother's cliildren. I want to go to my mother." My grandmother was told that the children would be restored to her, but she was requested to act as if they were really to be sent away. Accordingly, she made up a bundle of clothes and went to the jail. When she arrived, she found William handcuffed among the gang, and the children in^the trader's cart. The scene seemed too much like reality. She was afraid there might have been some deception or mis- take. She fainted, and was carried home. When the wagon stopped at the hotel, several gentle- men came out and proposed to purchase William, but the trader refused their offers, without stating that he was already sold. And now came the trying hour for that drove of human beings, driven away like cattle, to be sold they knew not where. Husbands were torn from wives, parents from children, never to look upon each other again this side the grave. There was wringing of hands and cries of despair. Dr. Flint had the supreme satisfaction of seeing the wagon leave town, and Mrs. Flint had the gratification of supposing that my children were going "as far as wind and water would carry them." According to agreement, my uncle followed the wagon some miles, until they came to an old farm house. There the trader took tlie irons from William, and as he did so, he said, " You are a damned clever fellow. I should like to own you myself. Them gentlemen that wanted to buy you said you was a bright, honest chap, and I must git you a good home. I guess your old master will swear to-morrow, and call himself an old fool for The Children Sold. 163 selling tlie children. I reckon he'll never git their mammy back agin. I expect she's made tracks for the north. Good by, old boy. Bemember, I have done you a good turn. You must thank me by coax- ing all the pretty gals to go with me next fall. That's going to be my last trip. This trading in niggers is a bad business for a fellow that's got any heart. Move on, you fellows ! " And the gang went on, God alone knows where. Much as I despise and detest the class of slave-traders, whom 1 regard as the vilest wretches on earth, I must do this man the justice to say that he seemed to have some feeling. He took a fancy to William in the jail, and wanted to buy him. When he heard the story of my children, he was willing to aid them in getting out of Dr. Flint's power, even without charging the customary fee. My xmcle procured a wagon and carried William and the children back to town. Great was the joy in my grandmother's house ! The curtains were closed, and the candles lighted. The happy grand- mother cuddled the little ones to her bosom. They hugged her, and kissed her, and clapped their hands, and shouted. She knelt down and poured forth one of her heartfelt prayers of thanksgiving to God. The father was present for a while; and though such a " parental relation " as existed between him and my children takes slight hold of the hearts or consciences of slaveholders, it must be that he experienced some moments of pure joy in witnessing the happiness he had imparted. I had no share in the rejoicings of that evening. 164 Incidents in the life thing to remind him of his own doings. He looked back upon her, as if he would have been glad to strike her to the ground. I had my season of joy and thanksgiving. It was the first time since my childhood tiiat I had ex- perienced any real happiness. I heard of the old doctor's threats, but they no longer had the same power to trouble me. The darkest cloud that hung over my life had rolled away. Whatever slavery might do to me, it could not shackle my children. If I fell a sacrifice, my little ones were saved. It was well for me that my simple heart believed all that had been promised for their welfare. It is always better to trust than to doubt. New Perils. 167 NEW PERILS. The doctor, more exasperated than ever, again tried to revenge himself on my relatives. He arrested uncle Phillip on the charge of having aided my flight. He was carried before a court, and swore truly that lie , knew nothing of my intention to escape, and that he had not seen me since I left my master's plantation. The doctor then demanded that he should give bail for five hundred dollars that he would have nothing to do with me. Several gentlemen offered to be security for him ; but Mr. Sands told him he had better go back to jail, and he would see that he came out without giving bail. The news of his arrest was carried to my grand- mother, who conveyed it to Betty. In the kindness of her heart, she again stowed me away under the floor ; and as she walked back and forth, in the per- formance of her culinary duties, she talked apparently to herself, but with the intention that I should h^ar what was going on. I hoped that my imcle's imprisoi^ ment would last but few days ; still I was anxious. I thought it likely Dr. Mint would do his utmost to taunt and insult him, and I was afraid my uncle might lose control of himself, and retort in some way that would be construed into a punishable offenoe ; and I was well aware that in court his word would not be taken against any white man's. The search for m.e l68 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. was reDewed. Something had excited suspicions that I was in the yicinity. Tliey searched the house I was in. I heard their steps and their voices. At night, when all were asleep, Betty came to release me from my place of confinement. The fright I had under- gone, the constrained posture, and the dampness of the ground, made me ill for several days. My uncle was soon after taken out of prison ; but the movements of all my relatives, and of all our friends, were very closely watched. We all saw that I could not remain where I was much longer. I had already staid longer than was intended, and I knew my presence must be a source of perpetual anxiety to my kind benefactress. During this time, my friends "had laid many plans for my escape, but the extreme vigilance of my persecutors made it impossible to carry them into effect. One morning I was much startled by hearing some- body trying to get into my room. Several keys were tried, but none fitted. I instantly conjectured it was one of the housemaids ; and I concluded she must either have heard some noise in the room, or have noticed the entrance of Betty. When my friend came, at her usual time, I told her what had happened. " I knows who it was," said she. " Tend upon it, 'twas dat Jenny. Dat nigger allers got de debble in her." I suggested that she might have seen or heard something that excited her curiosity. «Tut! tut! chile!" exclaimed Betty, "she ain't seen notin', nor hearn notin'. She only 'spects some- ting. Dat's all. She wants to fine out who hab cut and make my gownd. But she won't nebber know. Dat's sartin. I'll git missis to fix her." New Perils. 169 I reflected a moment, and said, " Betty, I must leave here to-night." "Do as you tink best, ^oor chile,*' she replied. ** I'se mighty 'fraid dat 'ere nigger vill pop on you some time." She reported the incident to her mistress, and re^ oeivcd orders to keep Jenny busy in the kitchen till she could see my uncle Phillip. He told her he would eend a friend for me that very evening. She told him she hoped I was going to the north, for it was very dangerous for me to remain any where in the vicinity. Alas, it was not an easy thing, for one in my situation, to go to the north. In order to leave the coast quite clear for me, she went into the country to spend the day with her brother, and took Jenny with her. She was afraid to come and bid me good by, but she left a kind message with Betty. I heard her carriage roll from the door, and I never again saw her who had so generously befriended the poor, trembling fugitive ! Though she was a slaveholder, to this day my heart blesses her ! I had not the slightest idea where I was going. Betty brought me a suit of sailor's clothes, — jacket, trowsers, and tarpaulin hat. She gave me a small bundle, saying I might need it where I was going. In cheery tones, she exclaimed, " I'se so glad you is gwino to free parts ! Don't forget ole Betty. P'i'aps I'll come 'long by and by." ^ I tried to tell her how grateful I felt for all her kind- ness, but she interrupted me. " I don't want no tanks, honey. I'se glad I could help you, and I hope de good Lord vill open do path for you. I'se gwine wid 15 170 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL 70a to de lower gate. Put your bauds in your pock- ets, and walk ricketty, like de sailors." I performed to her satis&ction. At the gate I found Peter, a young colored man, waiting for me. I had known him for years. He had been an apprentice to my father, and had always borne a good character. I was not afiraid to trust to him. Betty bade me a hur- ried good by, and we walked ofif. ^^Take courage, Linda," said my friend Peter. ^^ I've got a dagger, and no man shall take you from me, unless he passes over my dead body." It was a long time since I had taken a walk out of doors, and the fresh air revived me. It was also pleas- ant to hear a human voice speaking to me above a whis- per. I passed several people whom I knew, but they did not recognize me in my disguise. I prayed inter- nally that, for Peter's sake, as well as my own, nothing might occur to bring out his dagger. We walked on till we came to the wharf. My aunt Nancy's husband was a seafaring man, and it had been deemed neces- sary to let him into our secret. He took me into his boat, rowed out to a vessel not far distant, and hoisted me on board. We three were the only occupants of the vessel. I now ventured to ask what they proposed to do with me. They said I was to remain on board till near dawn, and then they would hide me in Snaky Swamp, till my uncle Phillip had prepared a place of concealment for me. K the vessel had been bound north, it would have been of no avail to me, for it would certainly have been searched.. About four o'clock, we were again seated in the boat, and rowed three miles to the swamp. My fear of snakes had been New Perils. 171- « increased by the venomous bite I had receiyed, and I dreaded to enter this hiding-place. But I was in no situation to choose, and I gratefully accepted the best that my poor, persecuted Mends could do for me. Peter landed first, and with a large knife cut a path through bamboos and briers of all descriptions. He came back, took me in his arms, and carried me to a seat made among the bamboos. Before we reached it, we were covered with hundreds of mosquitos. In an hoar's time they had so poisoned my flesh that I was a pitiful sight to behold. As the light increased, I saw snake after snake crawling round us. I had been accustomed to the sight of snakes all my life, but these were larger than any I had ever seen. To this day I shudder when I remember that morning. As evening approached, the number of snakes increased so much that we were continually obliged to thrash them with sticks to keep them from crawling over us. The bam- boos were so high and so thick that it was impossible to see beyond a very short distance. Just before it became dark we procured a seat nearer to the entrance of the swamp, being fearful of losing our way back to the boat. It was not long before we heard the paddle of oars, and the low wliistle, which had been agreed upon as a signal. We made haste to enter the boat, and were rowed back to the vessel. I passed a wretched night ; for the heat of the swamp, the mosquitos, and the constant terror of snakes, had brought on a burn- ing fever. I had just dropped asleep, when they came and told me it was time to go back to that horrid swamp. I could scarcely summon courage to rise. But even those large, venomous snakes were less dread* 172 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. fill to my imagination than the white men in that community called civilized. This time Peter took a quantity of tobacco to burn, to keep off the mosqui- tos. It pi*oduced the desired effect on them, but gave me nausea and severe headache. At dark we returned to the vessel. I had been so sick during the day, that Peter declared I should go home that night, if the devil himself was on patrol. They told me a place of concealment had been provided for me at my grand- mother's. I could not imagine how it was possible to hide me in her house, every nook and corner of which was known to the Flint family. They told me to wait and see. We were rowed ashore, and went boldly through the streets, to my grandmother's. I wore my sailor's clothes, and had blackened my face with char- coal. I passed several people whom I knew. The father of my children came so near that I brushed against his arm ; biit he had no idea who it was. " You must make the most of this walk," said my friend Peter, " for you may not have another very soon." • I thought his voice sounded sad. It was kind of him to conceal from me what a dismal hole was to be my home for a long, long time. The Loophole of Retreat 173 XXI. THE LOOPHOLE OP RETREAT. A SMALL shed had been added to my grandmother's house years ago. Some boards were laid across the joists at the top, and between these boards and the roof was a very small garret, never occupied by any thing but rats and mice. It was a pent roof, covered with nothing but shingles, according to the southern cus- tom for such buildings. The garret was only nine feet long and seven wide. The highest part was three feet high, and sloped down abruptly to the loose board floor. There was no admission for either light or air. My uncle Philip, who was a carpenter, had very skil- fully made a concealed trap-door, which communicated with the storeroom. He had been doing this while I was waiting in the swamp. The storeroom opened upon a piazza. To this hole I was conveyed as soon as I entered the house. The air was stifling ; the dark- ness total. A bed had been spread on the floor. I could sleep quite comfortably on one side ; but the slope was so sudden that I could not turn on the other with- out hitting the roof. The rats and mice ran over my bed ; but I was weary, and I slept such sleep as the wretched may, when a tempest has passed over them. Morning came. I knew it only by the noises I heard ; for in my small den day and night were all the same. I suflered for air even more than for light. But I was* not comfortless. I heard the voices of my children. 15* 174 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL There was joy and there was sadness in the sound. It made my tears flow. How I longed to speak to them ! I was eager to look on their faces ; but there was no hole, no crack, through which I could peep. This con- tinued darkness was oppressive. It seemed horrible to flit or lie in a cramped position day after day, without one gleam of light. Yet I would have chosen this, rather than my lot as a slave, though white people considered it an easy one ; and it was so compared with the fate of others. I was never cruelly over-worked ; I was never lacerated with the whip from head to foot ; I was never so beaten and bruised that I could not turn from one side to the other ; I never had my heel-strings cut to prevent my running away ; I was never chained to a log and forced to drag it about, while I toiled in the fields from mormng till night ; I was never branded with hot iron, or torn by bloodhounds. On the con-- trary, I had always been kindly treated, and tenderly cared for, until I came into the hands of Dr. Flint. I had never wished for freedom till then. But though my life in slavery was comparatively devoid of hard- ships, God pity the woman who is compelled to lead 0ttch a life ! My food was passed up to me through the trap-door my uncle had contrived ; and my grandmother, my imcle Phillip, and aunt Nancy would seize such oppor- tunities as they could, to mount up there and chat with me at the opening. But of course this was not safe in the daytime. It must all be done in darkness. It was impossible for me to move in an erect position, but I 'crawled about my den for exercise. One day I hit my bead against something, and found it was a gimlet. The Loophole of Retreat 175 M7 uncle had left it sticking there when he made the trap-door. I was as rejoiced as Bobinson Crusoe could have been at finding such a treasure. It put a lucky thought into my head. I said to myself, " Now I will haye some light. Now I will see my children." I did not dare to begin my work during the daytime, for feai of attracting attention. But I groped round ; and hav- ing found the side next the street, where I could fre* quently see my children, I stuck the gimlet in and waited for evening. I bored three rows of holes, one above another ; then I bored out the interstices between. I thus succeeded in making one hole about an inch long and an inch broad. I sat by it till late into the night, to enjoy the little whiff of air that floated in. In the morning I watched for my children. The first person I saw in the street was Dr. Flint. I had a shuddering, superstitious feeling that it was a bad omen. Several familiar faces passed by. At last I heard the merry laugh of children, and presently two sweet little faces were looking up at me, as though they knew I was there, and were conscious of the joy they imparted. How I longed to teU them I was there ! My condition was now a littfe improved. But for week» I was tormented by hundreds of little red insects, fine as a needle's point, that pierced through my skin, and pro- duced an intolerable burning. The good grandmother gave me herb teas and cooling medicines, and finally I got rid of them. The heat of my den was intense^ for nothing but thin shingles protected me from the scorching summer's sun. But I had my consolations. Through my peeping-hole I could watch the children, and when they were near enough, I could hear their talk. 176 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. Aunt Nancj brought me all the news she could hear at Dr. Flint's. From her I 'learned that the doctor had written to New York to a colored woman, who had been born and raised in our neighborhood, and had breathed his coiitaraiiiatiug atmosphere. He offered her a reward if she could find out any thing about me. I know not what was the nature of her reply ; but he soon after started for New York in haste, saying to his &mily that he had business of importance to transact. I peeped at him as he passed on his way to the steam- boat. It was a satisfaction to hare miles of land and water between us, even for a little while ; and it was a still greater satisfaction to know that he believed me to be in the Free States. My little den seemed less dreary than it had done. He returned, as he did from hb former journey to New York, without obtaining any satisfactory information. When he passed our house next morning, Benny was standing at the gate. He had heard them say that he had gone to find me, and be called out, '^ Dr. Flint, did you bring my mother home ? I want to see her." The doctor stamped his foot at him in a rage, and^ exclaimed, *' Grct out of the way, you little damned rascal ! If you don't, I'll cut off your head." Benny ran terrified into the house, saying, " You can't put me in jail again. I don't belong to you now." It was well that the wind carried the words away &om the doctor's ear. I told my grandmother of it, when we had our next conference at the trap-door ; and begged of her not to allow the children to be impertinent to the irascible old man. Autumn came, with a pleasant abatement of heat. The Loophole of Retreat, 177 My eyes had become accustomed to the dim hght, and by holding my book or work in a certain position near the aperture I contrived to read and sew. That was a great relief to the tedious monotony of my life. But when winter came, the cold penetrated through the thin shingle roof, and I was dreadfully chilled. The winters there are not so long, or so severe, as in northern lati- tudes ; but the houses are not built to shelter from cold, and my little den was peculiarly comfortless. The kind grandmother brought me bed-clothes and warm drinks. Often I was obliged to lie in bed all day to keep com- fortable; but with all my precautions, my shoulders and feet were frostbitten. 0, those long, gloomy days, with no object for my eye to rest upon, and no thoughts to occupy my mind, except the dreary past and the un- certain future ! I was thankful when there came a day sufficiently mild for me to wrap myself up and sit at the loophole to watch the passers by. Southerners have the habit of stopping and talking in the streets, and I heard many conversations not intended to meet my ears. I heard slave-hunters planning how to catch some poor fugitive. Several times I heard allusions to Dr. Flint, myself, and the history of my children, who, perhaps, were playing near the gate. One would say, " I wouldn't move my little finger to catch her, as old Flint's property." Another would say, "I'll catch any nigger for the reward. A man ought to have what belongs to him, if he is a damned brute." The opin- ion was often expressed that I was in the Free States. Very rarely did any one suggest that I might be in tlio vicinity. Had the least suspicion rested on my grand- mother's house, it would have been burned to the ground. lyS Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. But it was the last place they thought of. Yet there was no place, where slavery existed, that could have afforded me so good a place of concealment. Dr. Flint and his family repeatedly tried to coax and bribe my children to tell something they had heard said about me. One day the doctor took them into a shop, and offered them some bright little silver pieces and gay handkerchiefs if they would tell where their mother was. Ellen shrank away from him, and would not speak ; but Benny spoke up, and said, ^^ Dr. Flint, I don't know where my mother is. I guess she's in New York ; and when you go there again, I wish you'd ask her to come home, for I want to see her ; but if you put her in jail, or tell her you'll cut her head off, I'll tell her to go right back.'* Chriftmas Feftivities. 179 XXII. CHRISTMAS FESTIVITIES. Chbistmas was approaching. Orandmother brought me materials, and I busied myself making some new garments and little playthings for my children. Were it not that hiring day is near at hand, and many fami- lies are fearfully looking forward to the probability of separation in a few days, Christmas might be a happy season for the poor slaves. Even slave mothers try to gladden the hearts of their little ones on that occasion. Benny and Ellen had their Christmas stockings filled. Their imprisoned mother could not have the privilege of witnessing their surprise and joy. But I had the pleasure of peeping at them as they went into the street with their new suits on. I heard Benny ask a little playmate whether Santa Claus brought him any thing. " Yes," replied the boy ; " but Santa Claus ain't a real man. It's the children's mothers that put things into the stockings." " No, that can't be," re- plied Benny, ^^ for Santa Claus brought Ellen and me these new clothes, and my mother has been gone this long time." How I longed to tell him that his mother made those garments, and that many a tear fell on them while she worked ! Every child rises early on Christmas morning to see the Johnkannaus. Without them, Christmas would l8o Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. be shorn of its greatest attraction. They consist of companies of slaves from the plantations, generally of the lower class. Two athletic men, in calico wrappers, have a net thrown over them, covered with all man- ner of bright-colored stripes. Cows' tails are fastened to their backs, and their heads are decorated with horns. A box, covered with sheepskin, is. called the gumbo box. A dozen beat on this, while others strike triangles and jawbones, to which bands of dancers keep time. For a month previous they are composing songs, which are sung on this occasion. These com- panies, of a hundred each, turn out early in the morn- ing, and are allowed to go round till twelve o'clock, begging for contributions. Not a door is left unvisited where there is the least chance of obtaining a penny or a glass of rum. They do not drink while they are out, but carry the rum home in jugs, to have a carousal. These Christmas donations frequently amount to twenty or thirty dollars. It is seldom that any white man or child refuses to give them a trifle. If he does, they regale his ears with the following song : — " Poor massa, so dey say ; Down in de heel, so dey say ; Got no money, so dey say ; Not one shiUin, so dey say ; Gk>d Almighty bress you, so dey say.*' Christmas is a day of feasting, both with white and colored people. Slaves, who are lucky enough to have a few shillings, are sure to spend them for good eating; and many a turkey and pig is captured, without say- ing, " By your leave, sir." Those who cannot obtain Chriftmas Feftivities, i8l these, cook a 'possum, or a raccoon, from which savory dishes can be made. My grandmother raised poultry and pigs for sale ; and it was her established custom to have both a turkey and a pig roasted for Christmas dinner. On this occasion, I was warned to keep extremely quiet, because two guests had been inyited. One was the town constable, arid the other was a free colored man, who tried to pass himself oflF for white, and who was always ready to do any mean work for the sake of currying favor with white people. My grandmother had a motive for inviting them. She managed to take them all over the house. All the rooms on the lower floor were thrown open for them to pass in and out ; and after dinner, they were invited up stairs to look at a fine mocking bird my uncle had just brought home. There, too, the rooms were all thrown open, that they might look in. When I heard them talking on the piazza, my heart almost stood still. I knew this colored man had spent many nights hunting for me. Every body knew he had the blood of a slave father in his veins ; but for the sake of passing himself oflF for white, he was ready to kiss the slaveholders' feet. How I despised him ! As for the constable, he wore no false colors. The duties of his office were despicable, but he was superior to his companion, inasmuch as he did not pretend to be what he was not. Any white man, who could raise money enough to buy §l slave, would have considered himself degraded by being a constable ; but the office enabled its possessor to exercise authority. If he found any slave out after nine o'clock, he could 16 l82 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. whip him as much as he liked ; and that was a privi- lege to be coveted. When the guests were ready to depart, mj grandmother gave each of them some of her nice pudding, as a present for their wives. Through mj peep-hole I saw them go out of the gate, and I was glad when it closed after them. So passed the first Christmas in mj den. ( Still in Prifon. 183 XXIII. STILL IN PRISON. When spring returned, and I took in the little patch of green the aperture commanded, I asked myself how- many more summers and winters I must be condemned to spend thus. I longed to draw in a plentiful draught of fresh air, to stretch my cramped limbs, to have room to stand erect, to feel the earth imder my feet again. My relatives were constantly on the lookout for a chance of escape ; but none offered that seemed prac- ticable, and even tolerably safe. The hot summer came again, and made the turpentine drop from the thin roof over my head. During the long nights I was restless for want of air, and I had no room to toss and turn. There was but one compensation ; the atmosphere was so stifled that even mosquitos would not condescend to buzz in it. With all my detestation of Dr. Flint, I could hard- ly wish him a worse punishment, either in this world or that which is to come, than to suffer what I suffered in one single summer. Yet the laws allowed him to be out in the free air, while I, guiltless of crime, was pent up here, as the only means of avoiding the cruelties the laws allowed him to inflict upon me ! I don't know what kept life within me. Again and again, I thought I should die before long ; but I saw the leaves of another autumn whirl through the air, and felt the touch of another winter. In summer the most terri- 184 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL ble tbuuder storms were acceptable, for tbe rain came through the roof, and I rolled up mj bed that it migbt cool the hot boards under it. Later in the season, storms sometimes wet my clothes through and through, and that was not comfortable when the air grew chilly. Moderate storms I could keep out by filling the chinks with oakum. But uncomfortable as my situation was, I had glimpses of things out of doors, which made me thank- ful for my wretched hiding-place. One day I saw a slave pass our gate, muttering, ^< It's his own, and he can kill it if he will.'' My grandmother told me that woman's history. Her mistress had that day seen her baby for the first time, and in the lineaments of its fair face she saw a likeness to her husband. She turned the bondwoman and her child out of doors, and for- bade her ever to return. The slave went to her mas- ter, and told him what had happened. He promised to talk with her mistress, and make it all right. The next day she and her baby were sold to a Georgia trader. Another time I saw a woman rush wildly by, pur- sued by two men. She was a slave, the wet nurse of her mistress's children. For some trifling offence her mistress ordered her to be stripped and whipped. To escape the degradation and the torture, she rushed to the river, jumped in, and ended her wrongs in death. Senator Brown, of Mississippi, could not be ignorant of many such facts as these, for they are of frequent occurrence in every Southern State. Yet he stood up in the Congress of the United States, and declared that slavery was ^^ a great moral, social, and political bless- Star in Prifon. 185 ing ; a blessing to the master^ and a blessing to the dave ! " I suffered much more during the second winter than I did during the first. Mj limbs were benumbed hj inaction, and the cold filled them with cramp. I had a very painful sensation of coldness in my head ; eyen my face and tongue stiffened, and I lost the power of speech. Of course it was impossible, under the cir- cumstances, to summon any physician. My brother William came and did all he could for me. Uncle Phillip also watched tenderly over me ; and poor grand- XEiother crept up and down to inquire whether there were any signs of returning life. I was restored to consciousness. by the dashing of cold water in my face^ and found myself leaning against my brother's arm, while he bent oyer me with streaming eyes. He after- wards told me he tliought I was dying, for I had been in an unconscious state sixteen hours. I next became delirious, and was in great danger of betraying myself and my Mends. To preyent this, they stupefied me with drugs. I remained in bed six weeks, weary in body and sick at heart. How to get medical adyice was the question. William finally went to a Thompso- nian doctor, and described himself as haying all my pains and aches* He returned with herbs, roots, and ointment. He was especially charged to rub on the ointment by a fire ; but how could a fire be made in my little den ? Oharcoal in a furnace was tried, but there was no outlet for the gas, and it nearly cost me my life. Afterwards coals, already kindled, were brought up in an iron pan, and placed on bricks. I was so weak, and it was so long since I had enjoyed the warmth of a fire, 16* i86 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL that those few coals actually made me weep. I think the medicines did me some good ; but mj recovery was very slow. Dark tlioughts passed through my mind as I lay there day after day. I tried to be thankful for my little cell, dismal as it was, and even to love it, as part of the price I had paid for the redemption of my children. Sometimes I thought God was a compassion- ate Father, who would forgive my sins for the sake of my sufferings. At other times, it seemed to me there was no justice or mercy in the divine government. I asked why the curse of slavery was permitted to exist, and why I had been so persecuted and wronged from youth upward. These things took the shape of mys- tery, which is to this day not so clear to my soul as I trust it will be hereafter. In the midst of my illness, grandmother broke down under the weight of anxiety and toil. The idea of losing her, who had always been my best friend and a mother to my children, was the sorest trial I had yet had. 0, how earnestly I prayed that she might re- cover ! How hard it seemed, that I could not tend upon her, who had so long and so tenderly watched over me ! One day the screams of a child nerved me with strength to crawl to my peeping-hole, and I saw my son covered with blood. A fierce dog, usually kept chained, had seized and bitten him. A doctor was sent for, and I heard the groans and screams of my child while the wounds were being sewed up. 0, what torture to a mother's heart, to listen to this and be unable to go to him ! But childhood is like a day m spring, alternately Still in Prifon. 187 shower and sunshine. Before night Bennj was bright and lively, threatening the destruction of the dog ; and great was his delight when the doctor told him the next day that the dog had bitten another boy and been shot. Benny recovered from his wounds ; but it was long before he could walk. When my grandmother's illness became known, many ladies, who were her customers, called to bring her some little comforts, and to inquire whether she had every thing she wanted. Aunt Nancy one night asked permission to watch with her sick mother, and Mrs. Flint replied, " I don't see any need of your go- ing. I can't spare you." But when she found other ladies in the neighborhood were so attentive, not wish- ing to be outdone in Christian charity, she also sallied forth, in magnificent condescension, and stood by the bedside of her who had loved her in her infancy, and who had been repaid by such grievous wrongs. She seemed surprised to find her so ill, and scolded uncle Phillip for not sending for Dr. Flint. She herself sent for him immediately, and he came. Secure as I was in my retreat, I should have been terrified if I had known he was so near me. He pronounced my grandmother in a very critical situation, and said if her attending physician wished it, he would visit her. Nobody wished to have him coming to the house at all hours, and we were not disposed to give him a chance to make out a long bill. As Mrs. Flint went out, Sally told her the reason Ben- ny was lame was, that a dog had bitten him. " I'm glad of it," replied she. " I wish he had killed him. It would be good news to send to his motiiei". Her day will come. l88 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL The dogs will grab her yet/' With these Christiaa words she and lier husband departed, and, to mj great satisfaction, returned no more. I heard from uncle Phillip, with feelings of unspeak- able joj and gratitude, that the crisis was passed and grandmother would live. I could now say from my heart, '^ Grod is merciful. He has spared me the an- guish of feeling that I caused her death." The Candidate for Congrefs. 189 XXIV. THE CANDIDATE FOR CONGRESS. The summer had nearly ended, when Dr. Mint made a third visit to New York, in search of me. Two candidates were running for Congress, and he returned in season to vote. The father of my children was the Whig candidate. The doctor had hitherto been a stanch Whig ; but now he exerted all his energies for the defeat of Mr. Sands. He invited large parties of men to dine in the shade of his trees, and supplied them with plenty of rum and brandy. If any poor fellow drowned his wits in the bowl, and, in the open- ness of his convivial heart, proclaimed that he did not mean to vote the Democratic ticket, he was shoved into the street without ceremony. The doctor expended his liquor in vain. Mr. Sands was elected; an event which occasioned me some anxious thoughts. He had not emancipated my chil- dren, and if he should die they would be at the mercy of his heirs. Two little voices, that frequently met my ear, seemed to plead with me not to let their father depart without striving to make their freedom secure. Years had passed since I had spoken to him. I had not even seen him since the night I passed him, un- recognized, in my disguise of a sailor. I supposed he would call before he left, to say something to my grand- mother concerning the children, and I resolved what course to take. 190 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. The day before his departure for Washington I made arrangements, towards evening, to get from my hiding-place into the storeroom below. I found my- self so stiff and clumsy that it was with great diffi- culty I could hitch from one resting place to another. When I reached the storeroom my ankles gave way under me, and I sank exhausted on the floor. It seemed as if I could never use my limbs again. But the purpose I had in view roused all the strength I had. I crawled on my hands and knees to the window, and, screened behind a barrel, I waited for his coming. The clock struck nine, and I knew the steamboat would leave between ten and eleven. My hopes were failing. But presently I heard his voice, saying to some one, ^ Wait for me a moment. I wish to see aunt Martha." When he came out, as he passed the window, I said, " Stop one moment, and let me speak for my children." He started, hesitated, and then passed on, and went out of the gate. I closed the shutter I had partially opened, and sank down behind the barrel. I had suf- fered much ; but seldom had I experienced a keener pang than I then felt. Had my children, then, be- come of so little consequence to him? And had he so little feeling for their wretched mother that he would not listen a moment while she pleaded for them? Painful memories were so busy within me, that I forgot I had not hooked the shutter, till I heard some one opening it. I looked up. He had come back. "Who called me?" said he, in a low tone. " I did," I replied. " Oh, Linda," said he, « I knew your voice ; but I was afraid to answer, lest my friend should hear me. Why do you come here ? Is it pos«» The Candidate for Congrefs. 191 able you risk yourself in this house ? They are mad to allow it. I shall expect to hear that you are all ruined." I did not wish to implicate him, by letting him know my place of concealment ; so I merely said, *' I thought you would come to bid grandmother good by, and so I came here to speak a few words to you about emancipating my children. Many changes may take place during the six months you are gone to Washington, and it does not seem right for you to expose them to the risk of such changes. I want noth* ing for myself; all I ask is, tliat you will free my diildren, or authorize some friend to do it, beforo you go." He promised he would do it, and also expressed a readiness to make any arrangements whereby I could be purchased. I heard footsteps approaching, and closed the shut* ter hastily. I wanted to crawl back to my den, without letting the family know what I had done ; for I knew they would deem it very imprudent. But he stepped back into the house, to tell my grandmother that he had spoken with me at the storeroom window, and to beg of her not to allow me to remain in the house over night. He said it was the height of madness for me to be there; that we should certainly all be ruined. Luckily, he was in too much of a hurry to wait for a reply, or the dear old woman would surely have told him all. I tried to go back to my den, but found it more difficult to go up than I had to come down. Now that my mission was fulfilled, the little strength that had supported me through it was gone, and I sank help- 192 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL less on the floor. My grandmother, alarmed at the risk I bad run, came into the storeroom in the dark, and locked the door behind her. ^^ Linda," she whis- pered, " where are you ? '* ^' I am here by the window," I replied. ^' I couldn't have him go away without emancipating the children. Who knows what may happen ? " ^^ Come, come, child," said she, ^^ it won't do for you to stay here another minute. YouVe done wrong ; but I can't blame you, poor thing ! " I told her I could not return without assistance, and die must call my uncle. Uncle Phillip came, and pity prevented him from scolding met He carried me back to my dungeon, laid me tenderly on the bed, gave me some medicine, and asked me if there was any thing more he could do. Then he went away, and I was left with my own thoughts — starless as the midnight dark- ness around me. My friends feared I should become a cripple for life ; and I was so weary of my long imprisonment that, had it not been for the hope of serving my children, I should have been thankful to die ; but, for their sakes, I was willing to bear on. Competition in Cunning. 193 XXV. COMPETITION IN CUNNING. Dr. Flint had not given me up. Every now and then he would say to my grandmother that I would yet come back, and voluntarily surrender myself; and that when I did, I could be purchased by my relatives, or any one who wished to buy me. I knew his cun- ning nature too well not to percieve that this was a trap laid for me ; and so all my friends understood it. I resolved to match my cunning against his cunning. In order to make hid believe that I was in New York, I resolved to write him a letter dated &om that place. I sent for my friend Peter, and asked him if he knew any trustworthy seafaring person, who would carry such a letter to New York, and put it in the post office there. He said he knew one that he would trust with his own life to the ends of the world. I reminded him that it was a hazardous thing for him to under- take. He said he knew it, but he was willing to do any thing to help me. I expressed a wish for a New York paper, to ascertain the names of some of the streets. He run his hand into his pocket, and said, " Here is half a one, that was round a cap I bought of a pedler yesterday." I told him the letter would be ready the next evening. He bade me good by, add- ing, "Keep up your spirits, Linda; brighter days will come by and by.'' My uncle Phillip kept watch over the gate until 17 194- Incidents in Ac Life of a Slave GirL our brief interview was over. Early the next monir* ing, I seated myself near the little aperture to examine the newspaper. It was a piece of the New York Her- ald ; and, for once, the paper that systematically abuses the colored people, was made to render them a service. Having obtained what information I wanted concern- ing streets and numbers, I wrote two letters, one to my grandmother, the other to Dr. Flint. I reminded him how he, a gray-headed man, had Ideated a helpless child, who had been placed in his power, and what years of misery he had brought upon her. To my grandmother, I expressed a wish to have my children sent to me at the north, where I could teach them to respect themselves, and set them a virtuous example ; which a slave mother was not allowed to do at the south. I asked her to direct her answer to a certain street in Boston, as I did not live in New York, though I went there sometimes. I dated these letters ahead, to allow for the time it would take to carry them, and sent a memorandum of the date to the messenger. When my friend came for the letters, I said, " God bless and reward you, Peter, for this disinterested kind- ness. Pray be careful. If you are detected, both you and I will have to suffer dreadfully. I have not a relative who would dare to do it for me." He replied, **You may trust to me, Linda. I donH forget that your father was my best friend, and I will be a friend to his children so long as God lets me live.'* It was necessary to tell my grandmother what I had done, in order that she might be ready for the letter, and prepared tQ hear what Dr. Flint might say about my being at the north. She was sadly troubled. Competition in Canning. \g^ She felt sure mischief would come of it. 1 also told my plan to aunt Nancy, in order that she might re* port to us what was said at Dr. Flint's house. I whispered it to her through a crack, and she whispered back, '' I hope it will succeed. I shan't mind being a slave all my life, if I can only see you and the children free." I had directed that my letters should be put into the New York post office on the 20th of the month. On &e evening of the 24th my aunt came to say that Dr. ¥Hnt and his wife had been talking in a low voice about a letter he had received, and that when he went to his office he promised to bring it when he came to tea. So I concluded I should hear my letter read the next morning. I told my grandmother Dr. Flint would be sure to come, and asked her to have him sit near a certain door, and leave it open, that I might hear what he said. The next morning I took my station within sound of that door, and remained motionless as a statue. It was not long before I heard the gate slam, and the well-known footsteps enter the house. He seated himself in the chair that was placed for him, and said, " Well, Martha, IVe brought you a letter from Linda. She has sent me a letter, also. I know exactly where to find her ; but I don't choose to go to Boston for her. ^ I had rather she would come back of her own accord, in a respectable manner. Her uncle Phillip is the best person to go for her. With him^ she would feel perfectly free to act. I am willing to pay his expenses going and re- turning. She shall be sold to her friends. Her children are free; at least I suppose they are; and 196 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL when you obtain her freedom, you'll make a happy fiunily. I suppose, Martha, you have no objection to my reading to you the letter Linda has written to you/* He broke the seal, and I heard him read it. The old villain ! He had suppressed the letter I wrote to grandmother, and prepared a substitute of his own, the purport of which was as follows : — ^^Dear Grandmother: I hare long wanted to write to you ; but the disgraceful manner in which I left you and my children made me ashamed to do it. If you knew how much I have suffered since I ran away, you would pity and foi^ye me. I have purchased free- dom at a dear rate. K any arrangement could be made for me to return to the south without being a slave, I woxdd gladly come. If not, I beg of you to send my children to the north. I cannot live any longer without them. Let me know in time, and I will meet them in New York or Philadelphia, which- ever place best suits my imcle's convenience. Write as soon as possible to your unhappy daughter, Linda." " It is very much as I expected it would be," said the old hypocrite, rising to go. "You see the foolish girl has repented of her rashness, and wants to re- turn. We must help her to do it, Martha. Talk with Phillip about it. If he will go for her, she will trust to him, and come back. I should like an answer to- morrow. Good morning, Martha." As he stepped out on the piazza, he stumbled over Competition in Cunning. 197 mj little girl. ^^ Ah, Ellen, is that you ? " he said, in his mo8t gracious manner. ^^ I didn't see you. How do you do ? '' " Pretty well, sir," she replied. " I heard you tell grandmother that my mother is coming home. I want to see her." "Yes, Ellen, I am going to bring her home very soon," rejoined he ; ^< and you shall see her as much as you like, you little curly-headed nigger." This was as good as a comedy to me, who had heard it all; but grandmother was frightened and distressed, because the doctor wanted my uncle to go for me. The next evening Dr. Flint called to talk tha matter over. My uncle told him that from what he had heard of Massachusetts, he judged he should be mobbed if he went there after a runaway slave. "All stuff and nonsense, Phillip ! " replied the doctor. " Do you suppose I want you to kick up a row in Boston I The business can all be done quietly. Linda writes that she wants to come back. You are her relative^ and she would trust you. The case would be different if I went. She might object to coming with me; and the damned abolitionists, if they knew I was hep master, would not believe me, if I told them she had begged to go back. They would get up a row ; and I should not like to see Linda dragged through the streets like a common negro. She has been very un- grateful to me for all my kindness ; but I forgive her, and want to act the part of a friend towards her. I have no wish to hold her as my slave. Her frienda can buy her as soon as she arrives liere." 17* 198 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL Finding that his arguments failed ia conTince my unde, the doctor '^ let the cat out of the bag," by say- ing that he had written to the mayor of Boston, to as- certain whether there was a person of my description at the street and number from which my letter was dated. He had omitted this date in the letter he had made up to read to my grandmother. K I had dated firom New York, the old man would probably have made another journey to that city. But even in that dark region, where knowledge is so carefully excluded firom the slave, I had heard enough about Massachu- setts to come to the conclusion that slaveholders did not consider it a comfortable place to go to in search of a runaway. That was before the Fugitive Slave Law was passed ; before Massachusetts had consented to become a ^' nigger hunter " for the south. My grandmother, who had become skittish by seeing her family always in danger, came to me with a very distressed countenance, and said, ^^ What will you do if the mayor of Boston lends him word that you haven't been there ? Then he will suspect the letter was a trick ; and maybe he'll find out something about it, and we shall all get into trouble. Linda, I wish you had never sent the letters." "Don't worry yourself, grandmother," said I. " The mayor of Boston won't trouble himself to hunt niggers for Dr. Flint. The letters will do good in the end. I shall get out of this dark hole some time or other." " I hope you will, child," replied the good, patient old friend. "You have been here a long time ; almost five years ; but whenever you do go, it will break your Competition in Cunning. 199 old grandmother's heart. I should be expecting every day to hear that you were brought back in irons and put in jail God help you, poor child! Let us be thankful that some time or other we shall go " where the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest." My heart responded, Amen. The fact that Dr. Mint had written to the mayor of Soston convinced me that he believed my letter to be genuine, and of course that he had no sus- picion of my being any where in the vicinity. It was a great object to keep up this delusion, for it made me and my friends feel less anxious, and it would be very convenient whenever there was a chance to escape. I resolved, therefore, to continue to write letters from the north from time to time. Two or three weeks passed, and as no news came from the mayor of Boston, grandmother began to listen to my entreaty to be allowed to leave my cell, sometimes, and exercise my limbs to prevent my becoming a cripple. I was allowed to slip down into the small storeroom, early in the morning, and remain there a little while. The room was all filled up with barrels, e&cept a small open space under my trap-door. This faced the door, the upper part of which was of glass, and purposely left un- curtained, that the curious might look in. The air of this place was close; but it was so much better than the atmosphere of my cell, that I dreaded to return. I came down as soon as it was light, and remained till eight o'clock, when people began to be about, and there was danger that some one might come on the piazza. I had tried various I 200 Incidents in the Li& ci a Skve Girl. applications ta bring wannth and feeling into my limbs, bnt without arail. They were so numb and stiff that it was a painfiil effturt to move; and had my enemies come upcm me during the first momingi^ I tried to exercise them a little in the small un- occupied space of the storeroom, it would bare beesi impossible for me to haye escaped. Important Era in niy Brother's Life. 2oi XXVI. IMPORTANT ERA. IN MY BROTHER'S LIPB. I MISSED the company and kind attentions of mj brother William, who had gone to Washington with his master, Mr. Sands. We received several letters from him, written without any allusion to me, but expressed in such a manner that I knew he did not forget me. I disguised my hand, and wrote to him in the same manner. It was along session; and when it closed, William wrote to inform us that Mr. Sands was going to the north, to be gone some time, and that he was to accompany him. I knew that his master had prom- ised to give him his freedom, but no time had been specified. Would William trust to a slave's chances ? I remembered how we used to talk together, in our young days, about obtaining our freedom, and I thought it very doubtful whether he would come back to us. Grandmother received a letter from Mr. Sands, say- ing that William had proved a most faithful servant, and he would also say a valued friend ; that no mother had ever trained a better boy. He said he had travelled through the Northern States and Canada ; and though the abolitionists had tried to decoy him away, they had never succeeded. He ended by saying they should be at home shortly. We expected letters from William, describing the novelties of his journey, but none came. In time, it was reported that Mr. Sands would return late in the 202 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL autumn, accompanied by a bride. Still no letters froia William. I felt almost sure I should never see him again on southern soil ; but had he no word of comfort to send to his friends at home ? to the poor captive in her dungeon? My thoughts wandered through the dark past, and over the uncertain future. Alone in mj eell, where no eye but Grod's could see me, I wept bit- ter tears. How earnestly I prayed to him to restore me to my children, and enable nsa to be a useful woman and a good mother ! At last the day arrived for the return of the travellers. Orandmother had made loving preparations to welcome her absent boy back to the old hearthstone. When the dinner table was laid, William's plate occupied its old place. The stage coach went by empty. My grands mother waited dinner. She thought perhi^s be was necessarily detained by his master. In my prison I , listened anxiously, expecting every moment to hear my dear brother's voice and step. In the course of the after^ noon a lad was sent by Mr. Sands to tell grandmother that William did not return with him ; that the aboli- tionists had decoyed him away. But he begged her not to feel troubled about it, for he felt confident she would see William in a few days. As soon as he had time to reflect he would come back, for he could never expect to be so well off at the north as he had been with him. If you had seen the tears, and heard the sobs, you would have thought the messenger had brought tidings of death instead of freedom. Poor old grandmother felt that she should never see her darling boy again. Aad I was selfish. I thought more of what I had lost, Important Era in my Brother's Life. 203 than of what my broiher had gained. A new anxiety began to trouble me. Mr. Sands had expended a ^ood deal of money, and would aaturally feel irritat- ed by the loss he had incurred. I greatly feared this might injure the prospects of my children, who were now becoming yaluable property. I longed to hare iheir emancipation made certain. The more so, be- cause their master and father was now married. I was too familiar with slayery not to know tliat promises made to slavas, though with kind intentions, and sin- cere at the time, depend upon many contingencies for their fulfilment. Much as I wished William to be free, the step he had taken made me sad and anxious. The following Sab- bath was calm and clear ; so beautiful that it seemed like a Sabbath in tlie eternal world. My grandmother brought the children out on the piazza, that I might hear flieir voices. She thought it would comfort me in my despondency ; and it did. They chatted mer- rily, as only children can. Benny said, " Grandmother, do you think uncle Will has gone for good ? Won't he ever come back again 7 May be hell find mother. If he does, wonH she be glad to see him ! Why donH you and uncle Phillip, and all of us, go and live where mother is? I should like it; wouldn't you, Ellen?" " Yes, I should like it," replied Ellen ; " but how could we find her ? Do you know the place, grand- mother ? I don't remember how mother looked — do you, Benny ? " Benny was just beginning to describe me when they were interrupted by an old slave woman, a near neigh- 204 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL bor, named Aggie. This poor creature had witnessed the sale of her children, and seen them carried off to parts unknown, without any hopes of ever hearing frooi them again. She saw that my grandmother had been weeping, and she said, in a sympathizing tone, ^^ What's the matter, aunt Marthy ? " ^^ Aggie," she replied, ^' it seems as if I shouldn't have any of my children or grandchildren left to hand me a drink when I'm dying, and lay my old body ia the ground. My boy didn't come back with Mr. Sands. He staid at the north." Poor old Aggie clapped her hands for joy. '' Is dai what you's crying fur ? " she exclaimed. " Git down on your knees and bress dc Lord ! I don't know whar my poor chillem is, and I nebber 'spect to know. You don't know whar poor Linda's gone to ; but you do know whar her brudder is. He's in free parts ; and dat's de right place. Don't murmur at de Lord's do- ings, but git down on your knees and tank him for his goodness." My selfishness was rebuked by what poor Aggie said. She rejoiced over the escape of one who was merely her fellow-bondman, while his own sister was only thinking what his good fortune might cost her children. I knelt and prayed God to forgive me ; and I thanked him from my heart, that one of my family was saved from the grasp of slavery. It was not long before we received a letter from Wil- liam. He wrote that Mr. Sands had always treated him kindly, and that he had tried to do his duty to him faithfully. But ever since he was a boy, he had longed to be free ; and he had already gone through Important Era in my Brother's Life. 205 enoagh to convince him he had better not lose the chance that offered. He concluded by saying, " Don't worry about me, dear grandmother. I shall think of you always ; and it will spur me on to work hard and try to do right. When I have earned money enough to give you a home, perhaps you will come to the north, ttnd we can all live happy together." Mr-. Sands told my uncle Phillip the particulars about William's leaving him. He said, " I trusted him as if he were my own brother, and treated him as kindly. The abolitionists talked to him in several places ; but I had no idea they could tempt him. However, I don't blame William. He's young and in- •considerate, and those Northern rascals decoyed him. I must confess the scamp was very bold about it. I met him coming down the steps of the Astor House with his trunk on his shoulder, and I asked him where he was going. He said he was going to change his old trunk. I told him it was rather shabby, and asked if he didn't need some money. He said, No, thanked me, and went off. He did not return so soon as I ex- pected ; but I waited patiently. At last I went to see if our trunks were packed, ready for our journey. I found them locked, and a sealed note on the table in- formed me where I could find the keys. The fellow ev^i. tried to be religious. He wrote that he hoped Gk)d would always bless me, and reward me for my kindness ; that he was not imwilling to serve me ; but be wanted to be a free man ; and that if I thought he did wrong, he hoped I would forgive him. I intended to give him his freedom in five years. He might have trusted me. He has shown himself ungrateful ; but I 18 2c6 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. shall not go for him, or send for him. I feel confident that he will soon return to me." I afterwards heard an account of the affair from William himself. He had not been urged away by abolitionists. He needed no information they could give him about slavery to stimulate his desire for freedom. He looked at his hands, and remembered that they were once in irons. What security had he that they would not be so again ? Mr. Sands was kind to him ; but he might indefinitely postpone the promise he had made to give him his freedom. He might come under pecuniary embarrassments, and his property be seized by creditors ; or he might die, with- out making any arrangements in his favor. He had too often known such accidents to happen to slaves who had kind masters, and he wisely resolved to make sure of the present opportunity to own himself. He was scrupulous about taking any money from his master on false pretences ; so he sold his best clothes to pay for his passage to Boston. The slaveholders pronounced him a base, ungrateful wretch, for thus requiting his master's indulgence. What would the^f have done under similar circumstances ? When Dr. Flint's family heard that William had deserted Mr. Sands, they chuckled greatly over the news. Mrs. Flint made her usual manifestations of Christian feeling, by saying, ^^I'm glad of it. I hope he'll never get him again. I like to see .people paid back in their own coin. I reckon Linda's children will have to pay for it. I should be glad to see them in the speculator's hands again, for I'm tired of seeing those little niggers march about the streets." New Deftination for the Children. 207 XXVII. NEW DESTINATION FOR THE CHILDREN. Mrs. Flint proclaimed her intention of informing Mrs. Sands who was the father of my children. She likewise proposed to tell her what an artful devil I was; that I had made a great deal of trouble in her family ; that when Mr. Sands was at the north, she didn't doubt I had followed him in disguise, and persuaded William to run away. She had some reason to enter- tain such an idea ; for I had written from the north, from time to time, and I dated my letters from various places. Many of them fell into Dr. Flint's hands, as I expected they would ; and he must have come to the conclusion that I travelled about a jjood deal. He kept a close watch over my children, thinking they would eventually lead to my detection. A new and unexpected trial was in store for me. One day, when Mr. Sands and his wife were walking in the street, they met Benny. The lady took a fancy to him, and exclaimed, " What a pretty little negro ! Whom does he belong to ? " Benny did not hear the answer ; but he came home very indignant with the stranger lady, because she had called him a negro. A few days afterwards, Mr. Sands called on my grandmother, and told her he wanted her to take the children to his house. He said he had informed his wife of his relation to them, and told her they were motherless ; and she wanted to see them. 2o8 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. When he had gone, my grandmother came and asked what I would do. The question seemed a mockery. What could I do ? They were Mr. Sands's slaves, and their mother was a slave, whom he had represented to be dead. Perhaps he thouglit I was. I was too much pained and puzzled to come to any decision ; and the children were carried without my knowledge. Mi*s. Sands had a sister from Illinois staying with her. This lady, who had no children of her own, was 80 much pleased with EUen, that she offered to adopt her, and bring her up as she would a daughter. Mrs. Sands wanted to take Benjamin. When grandmother reported this to me, I was tried almost beyond endur- ance. Was this all I was to gain by what I had~suf> fered for the sake of having my children free ? True, the prospect seemed fair; but I knew too well how lightly slaveholde]:^ held such ^^ parental relations." If pecuniary troubles should come, or if the new wife required more money than could conveniently be spared, my children might be thought of as a con- venient means of raising funds. I bad no trust in thee, Slavery ! Never should I know peace till my children were emancipated with all due formalities of law. I was too proud to ask Mr. Sands to do any thing for my own benefit; but I could bring myself to become a supplicant for my children. I resolved to remind him of the promise he had made me, and to throw myself upon his honor for the performance of it. I persuaded my grandmother to go to him, and tell him I was not dead, and that I earnestly entreated him to keep the promise he had made me; that I had heard of tho New Deftination for the Children. 209 recent proposals concerning my children, and did not feel easy to accept them ; that he had promised to emancipate them, and it was time for him to redeem his pledge. I knew there was some risk in thus be* traying that I was in the yicinity ; but what will not a mother do for her children ? He received the message with surprise, and said, ^^The children are free. I have never intended to claim them as slaves. Linda may decide their fate. In my opinion, they had better be sent to the north. I don't think they are quite safe here. Dr. Flint boasts that they are still in his power. He says they were his daughter's property, and as she was not of age when they were sold, the contract is not legally binding." So, then, after all I had endured for their sakes, my poor children were between two fires ; between my old master and their new master ! And I was powerless. There was no protecting arm of the law for me to in- voke. Mr. Sands proposed that Ellen should go, for the present, to some of his relatives, who had removed to Brooklyn, Long Island. It was promised that she should be well taken care of, and sent to school. I consented to it^ as the best arrangement I could make for her. My grandmother, of course, negotiated it all ; and Mrs. Sands knew of no other person in the trans- action. She proposed that they should take Ellen with them to Washington, and keep her till they had a good chance of sending her, with friends, to Brooklyn. She had an infant daughter. I had had a glimpse of it, as the nurse passed with it in her arms. It was not a pleasant thought to me, that the bondwoman's child should tend her free-born sister ; but there was no al« 18* 210 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. ternative. Ellen was made ready for the journey. 0, how it tried my heart to send her away, so young, alone, among strangers ! Without a mother's love to shelter her from the storms of life ; almost without memory of a mother ! I doubted whether she and Benny would have for me the natural affection that children feel for a parent. I thought to myself that I might perhaps never see my daughter again, and I had a great desire that she should look upon me, before she went, that she might take my image with her in her memory. It qeemed to me cruel to have her brought to my dun- geon. It was sorrow enough for her young heart to know that her mother was a victim of slavery, without seeing the wretched liiding-placc to which it had driven her. I begged permission to pass the last night in one of the open chambers, with my little girl. They thought I was crazy to think of trusting such a young child with my perilous secret. I told them I had watched her character, and I felt sure she would not betray me ; that I was determined to have an inter- view, and if they would not facilitate it, I would take my own way to obtain it. They remonstrated against the rashness of such a proceeding ; but finding they could not change my purpose, they yielded. I slipped through the trap-door into the storeroom, and my uncle kept watch at the gate, while I passed into the piazza and went up stairs, to the room I used to occupy. It was more tlian five years since I had seeii it ; and how the memories crowded on me! There I had taken shelter when my mistress drove me from her house; there came my old tyrant, to mock, insult, and curse me ; there my children were first laid in my arms ; New Dcftination for the Children. 211 there I had watched over them, each day with a deeper and sadder love ; there I had knelt to God, in anguidi of heart, to forgive the wrong I had done. How viv- idly it all came hack ! And after this long, gloomy interval, I stood there such a wreck ! In the midst of these meditations, I heard footsteps on the stairs. The door opened, and my uncle Phillip came in, leading Ellen hy the hand. I put my arms round her, and said, " Ellen, my dear child, I am your mother." She drew hack a little, and looked at me ; then, with sweet confidence, she laid her cheek gainst mine, and I folded her to the heart that had heen so long desolated. She was the first to speak. Raising her head, she said, inquiringly, " You really are my mother ? " I told her I really was ; that during all the long time she had not seen me, I had loved her most tenderly ; and that now she was going away, I wanted to see her and talk with her, that she might remember me. With a sob in her voice, she said, *' I'm glad you've come to see me ; but why didn't you ever come before ? Benny and I have wanted so much to see you! He remembers you, and sometimes he tells me about you. Why didn't you come home when Dr. Flint went to bring you ? " I answered, "I couldn't come before, dear. But now that I am with you, tell me whether you like to go away." " I don't know," said she, crying. " Grand- mother says I ought not to cry ; that I am going to a good place, where I can learn to read and write, and that by and by I can write her a letter. But I shan't have Benny, or grandmother, or uncle Phillip, or any body to love me. Can't you go with me ? 0, iUi go, dear mother ! " 212 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. I told her I couldn't go now ; but sometime I would come to her, and then she and Benny and I would live together, and have happy times. She wanted to run and bring Benny to see me now. I told her he was going to tlie north, before long, with uncle Piiillip, and then I would come to see him before he went away. I asked if she would like to have me stay all night and sleep with her. "0, yes," she replied. Then, turning to her uncle, she said, pleadingly, ^^ Md^f I stay? Please, uncle! She is my own mother." He laid his hand on her head, and said, solemnly, " Ellen, this is the secret you have promised grand- mother never to tell. If you ever speak of it to any body, tliey will never let you see your grandmother again, and your mother can never come to Brooklyn." " Uncle," she replied, " I will never tell." He told her she might stay with me ; and when he had gone, I took her in my arms and told her I was a slave, and that wss the reason she must never say she had seen me. I exhorted her to be a good child, to try to please the people where she was going, and that God would raise her up friends. I told her to say her prayers, and remember always to pray for her poor mother, and that Ood would permit us to meet again. She wept, and I did not check her tears. Perhaps she would never again have a chance to pour her tears into a mother's bosom. All night she nestled in my arms, and I had no inclination to slumber. The moments were too precious to lose any of tliem. Once, when I thought she was asleep, I kissed her forehead softly, and she said, " I am not asleep, dear mother." Before dawn tliey came to take me back to my den. New Deftination for the Children. 213 I drew aside the window curtain, to take a last look of my child. The moonlight shone on her face, and I bent oyer her, as I had done years before, that wretched night when I ran awaj. I hugged her close to my throbbing heart; and tears, too sad for such young eyes to shed, flowed down her cheeks, as she gave her last kiss, and whispered in my ear, ^^ Mother, I will never tell." And she never did. When I got back to my de^i, I threw myself on the bed and wept there alone in the darkness. It seemed as if my heart would burst. When the time for El- len's departure drew nigh, I could hear neighbors and friends saying to her, " Good by, Ellen. I hope, your poor mother will find you out. WonH you be glad to see her ! " She replied, " Yes, ma'am ; " and they little dreamed of the weighty secret that weighed down her young heart. She was an afiectionate child, but naturally very reserved, except with those she loved, and I felt secure that my secret would be safe with her* I heard the gate close after her, with such feelings as only a slave mother can experience. During the day my meditations were very sad. Sometimes I feared I had been very selfish not to give up all claim to her, and let her go to Illinois, to be adopted by Mrs. Sands's sister. It was my experience of slavery that decided me against it. I feared that circumstances might arise that would cause her to be sent back. I felt confident that I should go to New York myself ; and then I should be able to watch over her, and in some degree protect her. Dr. Flint's family knew nothing of the proposed arrangement till after Ellen was gone, and the news 214 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. displeased them greatlj. Mrs. Flint called on Mrs* Sands's sister to inquire into the matter. She ex- pressed her opinion very freely as to the respect Mr. Sands showed for his wife, and for his own character, in acknowledging those ^^ young niggers." And as for sending Ellen away, she pronounced it to be just as much stealing as it would be for him to come and take a piece of furniture out of her parlor. She said her daughter was not of age to sign the bill of sale, and the children were her property ; and when she became of age, or was married, she could take them, wherever she could lay hands on them. Miss Emily Mint, the little girl to whom I had been bequeathed, was now in her sixteenth year. Her mother considered it all right and honorable for her, or her future husband, to steal my children ; but she did not understand how any body could hold up their heads in respectable society, after they had purdiased their own children, as Mr. Sands had done. Dr. Flint said very little. Perhaps he thought that Benny would be less likely to be sent away if he kept quiet.. One of my letters, that fell into his hands, was dated from Canada ; and he seldom spoke of me now. This state of things enabled me to slip down into the storeroom more frequently, where I could stand upright, and move my limbs more freely. Days, weeks, and months passed, and there came no news of Ellen. I sent a letter to Brooklyn, written in my grandmother^s name, to inquire whether she had arrived there. Answer was returned that she had not. I wrote to her in Washington ; but no notice was taken of it. There was one person there, who ought to have New Deftination for the Children. 215 had some sympathy with the anxiety of the child's friends at home ; but the links of such relations as he had formed with me, are easily broken and cast away as rubbish. Yet how protectingly and persuasively he once talked to the poor, helpless slave girl ! And how entirely I trusted him ! But now suspicions dark- ened my mind. Was my child dead, or had they de- ceived me, and sold her ? If the secret memoirs of many members of Congress should be published, curious details would be unfolded. I once saw a letter from a member of Congress to a slave, who was the mother of six of his children. He wrote to request that she would send her children away from the great house before his return, as he expected to be accompanied by friends. The woman could not read, and was obliged to employ another to read the letter. The existence of the colored children did not trouble this gentleman, it was only the fear that friends might recognize in their features a resem* blance to him. At the end of six months, a letter came to my grand- mother, from Brooklyn. It was written by a young lady in the family, and announced that Ellen had just arrived. It contained the following message from her: *^ I do try to do just as you told me to, and I pray for you every night and morning.'* I understood that these words were meant for me; and they were a balsam to my heart. The writer closed her letter by saying, " Ellen is a nice little girl, and we shall like to have her with us. My cousin, Mr. Sands, has given her to me, to be my little waiting maid. I shall send her to school, and I hope some day she will write to 2i6 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. you herself." This letter perplexed and troubled me. Had my child's father merely placed her there till she was old enough to support herself? Or had he given her to his cousin, as a piece of property ? If the last idea was correct, his cousin might return to the south at any time, and hold Ellen as a slave. I tried to put away from me the painful thought that such a foul wrong could have been done to us. I said to myself, *^ Surely there must be some justice in man ; " then I remembered, with a sigh, how slavery perverted all the natural feelings of the human heart. It gave me a pang to look on my light-hearted boy. He believed himself free ; and to have him brought under the yoke of slavery, would be more than I could bear. How I Honged to have him safely out of the reach of its power ! Aunt Nancy. 217 XXVIII. AUNT NANCY. I HATE mentioned mj great-aunt, who was a slave in Dr. Flint's family, and who had been my refuge during the shameful persecutions I suffered from him. This annt had been married at twenty years of age ; that is, as far as slaves can marry. She had the consent of her master and mistress, and a clergyman performed the ceremony. But it was a mere form, without any legal value. Her ma^ter or mistress could annul it any day they pleased. She had always slept on the floor in the entry, near Mrs. Flint's chamber door, that shd might be within call. When she was married, she was told she might have the use of a small room in an out- house. Her mother and her husband furnished it. He was a seafaring man, and was allowed to sleep there when- he was at home. But on the wedding evening, the bride was ordered to her old post on the entry floor. Mrs. Flint, at that time, had no children ; but she was expecting to be a mother, and if she should want a drink of water in the night, what could she do without her slave to bring it ? So my aunt was compelled to lie at her door, until one midnight she was forced to leave, to give premature birth to a oliild. In a fortnight she was required to resume her place on the entry floor, because Mrs. Flint's babe needed her attentions. She kept her station there through summer and winter, until she had given premature birth to six children ; 19 2l8 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. and all the while she was employed as night-nurse to Mrs. Fliufs children. Finally, toiling all day, and be- ing deprived of rest at night, completely broke down her constitution, and Dr. Flint declared it was impossi- ble she could ever become the mother of a living child. The fear of losing so valuable a servant by death, now induced them to allow her to sleep in her little room in the out-house, except when there was sickness in the family. She afterwards had two feeble babes, one of whom died in a few days, and the other in four weeks. I well remember her patient sorrow as she held the last dead baby in her arms. ^^ I wish it could have lived," she said ; ^' it is not the will of God tliat any of my children should live. But I will try to be fit to meet their little spirits in heaven." Aunt Nancy was housekeeper and waiting-maid in Dr. Flint's family. Indeed, she was the factotum of the household. Nothing went on well without her. She was my mother's twin sister, and, as far as was in her power, she supplied a mother's place to us orphans. I slept with her all the time I lived in my. old master's house, and the bond between us was very strong. When my friends tried to discourage me from running away, she always encouraged me. When they thought I had better return and ask my master's pardon, be- cause there was no possibility of escape, she sent me word never to yield. She said if I persevered I might, perhaps, gain the freedom of my children ; and even if I perished in doing it, that was better than to leave them to groan under the same persecutions that had blighted my own life. After I was shut up in my dark cell, she stole away, whenever she could, to Aunt Nancy. - 219 bring me the news and say something cheering. Hew often did I kneel down to listen to her words of conso- lation, whispered through a crack! " I am old, and have not long to live," she used to say ; " and I could die happy if I could only see you and the children free. You must pray to God, Linda, as I do for you, that he will lead you out of this darkness." I would beg her not to worry herself on my account ; that there was an end of all suiFering sooner or later, and that whether I lived in chains or in freedom, I should always re- member her as the good friend who had been the com- fort of my life. A word from her always strengthened me ; and not me only. The whole family relied upon her judgment, and were guided by her advice. I had been in my cell six years when my grand- mother was summoned to the bedside of this, her last remaining daughter. She was very ill, and they said she would die. Grandmother had not entered Dr. Flint's house for several years. They had treated her cruelly, but she thought nothing of that now. She was grateful for permission to watch by the death-bed of her cliild. They had always been devoted to each other ; and now they sat looking into each other's eyes, longing to speak of the secret that had weiglied so much on the hearts of both. My aunt had been stricken with paralysis. She lived but two days, and the last day she was speechless. Before she lost the power of ut- terance, sh "; told her mother not to grieve if she could not speak to her ; that she would try to hold up her hand, to let her know that all was well with her. Even the hard-hearted doctor was a little softened when he saw the dying woman try to smile on the aged 220 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. mother, who was kneeling by her side. His eyes moistened for a moment, as he said she had always been a faithful servant, and they should never be able to supply her place. Mrs. Flint took to her bed, quite overcome by tlie shock. While my grandmother sat alone with the dead, the doctor came in, leading his youngest son, who had always been a great pet with amit Nancy, and was much attached to her. " Mar- tha," said he, " aunt Nancy loved this child, and when he comes where you are, I hope you will be kind to him, for her sake." She replied, " Your wife was my foster-child. Dr. Flint, the foster-sister of my poor Nancy, and you little know me if you think I can feel any thing but good will for her children." " I wish the past could be forgotten, and that we might never think of it," said he ; " and that Linda would come to supply her aunt's place. She would be worth more to us than all the money that could be paid for her. I wish it for your sake also, Martha. Now that Nancy is taken away from you, she would be a great comfort to your old age." He knew he was touching a tender chord. Almost choking with grief, my grandmother replied, " It was not I that drove Linda away. My grandchildren are gone ; and of my nine children only one is left. Grod help me ! " To me, the death of this kind relative was an inex- pressible sorrow. I knew that she had been slowly murdered ; and I felt that my troubles had helped to finish the work. After I heard of her illness, I listened constantly to hear what news was brought from the great house ; and the thought that I could not go to Aunt Nancy.* 221 her made me utterly miserable. At last, as uncle Phillip came into the house, I heard some one inquire, " How is she ? " and he answered, " She is dead." My little cell seemed whirling round, and I knew noth- ing more till I opened my eyes and found uncle Phillip bending over me. I had no need to ask any questions. He whispered, " Linda, she died happy." I could not weep. My fixed gaze troubled him. " Don't look 50," he said. " Don't add to my poor mother's trouble. Remember how much she has to bear, and that we ought to do all we can to comfort her." Ah, yes, that blessed old grandmother, who for seventy- three years had borne the pelting storms of a slave- mother's life. She did indeed need consolation ! Mrs. Flint had rendered her poor foster-sister child- less, apparently without any compunction ; and with cruel selfishness had ruined her health by years of in- cessant, unrequited toil, and broken rest. But now she became very sentimental. I suppose she thought it would be a beautiful illustration of the attachment ex- isting between slaveholder and slave, if the body of her old worn-out servant was buried at her feet. She sent for the clergyman and asked if he had any objec- tion to burying aunt Nancy in the doctor's family burial-place. No colored person had ever been allowed interment in the white people's burjdng-ground, and the minister knew that all the deceased of our family reposed together in the old graveyard of the slaves. He therefore replied, " I have no objection to comply- ing with your wish ; but perhaps aunt Nancy's mother may have some choice as to where her remains shall be deposited." 19* 222 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. It had never occurred to Mrs. Flint that slaves coald have any feelings. When my grandmother was con- suited, she at once said she wanted Nancy to lie with all the rest of her family, and where her own old body would be buried. Mrs. Flint graciously complied with her wish, though she said it was painful to her to have Nancy buried away from her. She might have added with touching pathos, " I was so long used to sleep with her lying near me, on the entry floor." My uncle Phillip asked permission to bury his sister at his own expense ; and slaveholders are always readj to grant such favors to slaves and their relatives. The arrangements were very plain, but perfectly respecta- ble. She was buried on the Sabbath, and Mrs. Flint's minister read the funeral service. There was a large concourse of colored people, bond and free, and a few white persons who had always been friendly to our family. Dr. Flint's carriage was in the procession ; and when the body was deposited in its humble resting place, the mistress dropped a tear, and returned to her carriage, probably thinking she had performed her duty nobly. It was talked of by the slaves as a miglity grand funeral. Northern travellers, passing through the place, might have described this tribute of respect to the humble dead as a beautiful feature in the " patriar- chal institution ; " a touching proof of the attachment between slaveholders and their servants ; and tender- hearted Mrs. Flint would have confirmed this impres- sion, with handkerchief at her eyes. We could have told them a different story. We could have given them a chapter of wrongs and sufferings, that would have Aunt Nancy. i2g touched their hearts, if they had any hearts to feel for the colored people. We could have told them how the poor old slave-mother had toiled, year after year, to earn eight hundred dollars to buy her son Phillip's right to his own earnings ; and how that same Phillip paid the expenses of the funeral, wliich they regarded as do- ing so much credit to the master. We could also have told them of a poor, blighted young creature, shut up in a living grave for years, to avoid the tortures that would be inflicted on her, if she ventured to come out and look on the feu^e of her departed friend. All this, and much more, I thought of, as I sat at my loophole, waiting for the family to return from the grave ; sometimes weeping, sometimes falling asleep, dreaming strange dreams of the dead and the living. It was sad to witness the grief of my bereaved grand- mother. She had always been strong to bear, and now, as ever, religious faith supported her. But her dark life had become still darker, and age and trouble were leaving deep traces on her withered face. She had four places to knock for me to come to the trap-door, and each place had a dififerent meaning. She now came oftener than she had done, and talked to me of her dead daughter, while tears trickled slowly down her furrowed cheeks. I said all I could to comfort her ; but it was a sad reflection, that instead of being able to help her, I was a constant source of anxiety and trouble. The poor old back was fitted to its burden. It bent under it, but did not break. 224 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL XXIX. PREPARATIONS FOR ESCAPE. I HABDLY expect that the reader will credit me, when I affirm that I lived in that little dismal hole, almost deprived of light and air, and with no space to move my limbs, for nearly seven years. But it is a fact ; and to me a sad one, even now ; for my body still suffers &om the effects of that long imprison- ment, to say nothing of my soul. Members of my family, now living in New York and Boston, can tes- tify to the truth of what I say. Countless were the nights that I sat late at the little loophole scarcely large enough to give me a glimpse of one twinkling star. There, I heard the patrols and slave-hunters conferring together about the capture of runaways, well knowing how rejoiced they would be to catch me. Season after season, year after year, I peeped at my children's faces, and heard their sweet voices, with a heart yearning all the while to say, " Your mother is here." Sometimes it appeared to me as if ages had rolled away since I entered upon that gloomy, monoto- nous existence. At times, I was stupefied and listless; at other times I became very impatient to know when these dark years would end, and I should again be allowed to feel the sunshine, and breathe the pure air. After Ellen left us, this feeling increased. Mr. Sands had agreed that Benny might go to the north Preparations for Efcape. 225 whenever his uncle Phillip could go with him ; and I was anxious to be there also, to watch over my children, and protect them so far as I was able. More- over, I was likely to be drowned out of my den, if I remained much longer ; for the slight roof was getting badly out of repair, and uncle Phillip was afraid to re- move the shingles, lest some one should get a glimpse of me. When storms occurred in the night, they spread mats and bits of carpet, which in the morning appeared to have been laid out to dry ; but to cover the roof in the daytime might have attracted atten- tion. Consequently, my clothes and bedding were often drenched; a process by which the pains and aches in my cramped and stiffened limbs were greatly increased. I revolved various plans of escape in my mind, which I sometimes iipparted to my grandmother, when she came to whisper with me at the trap-door. The kind-hearted old woman had an intense sympathy for runaways. She had known too much of the cruelties inflicted on those who were captured. Her memory always flew back at once to the suflerings of her bright and handsome son, Benjamin, the youngest and dearest of her flock. So, whenever I alluded to the subject, she would groan out, " 0, don't think of it, child. You'll break my heart." I had no good old aunt Nancy now to encourage me; but my brother William and my children were continually beckoning me to the north. And now I must go back a few months in my story. I have stated that the first of January was the time for selling slaves, or leasing them out to new masters. If time were counted by heart-throbs, the poor slaves 226 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. might reckon years of suffering during that festival so joyous to the free. On the New Year's daj preceding my aunt's death, one of my friends, named Fanny, was to be sold at auction, to pay her master's debts. My thoughts were with her during all the day, and at night I anxiously inquired what had been her fate. I was told that she had been sold to one master, and her four little girls to another master, far distant; that she had escaped from her purchaser, and was not to be found. Her mother was the old Aggie I have spoken of. She lived in a small tenement belonging to my grandmother, and built on the same lot with her own house. Her dwelling was searched and watched, and that brought the patrols so near me that I was obliged to keep very close in my den. The hunters were some- how eluded; and not logg afterwards Benny acci- dentally caught sight of Fanny in her mother's hut. Ho told his grandmother, who charged him never to speak of it, explaining to him the frightful con- sequences; and he never betrayed the trust. Aggie little dreamed that my grandmother knew where her daughter was concealed, and that the stooping form of her old neighbor was bending under a similar burden of anxiety and fear; but these dangerous secrets deep- ened the sympathy between the two old persecuted mothers. My friend Fanny and I remained many weeks hidden within call of each other ; but she was unconscious of the fact. I longed to have her share my den, which seemed a more secure retreat than her own ; but I had brought so much trouble on my grandmother, that it seemed wrong to ask her to incur greater risks. My Preparations for Efcape. 227 restlessness increased. I had lived too long in bodily pain and anguish of spirit. Always I was in dread that by some accident, or some contrivance, slavery would succeed in snatching my children from me. This thought drove me nearly frantic, and I determined to steer for the North Star at all hazards. At this crisis, Providence opened an unexpected way for me to es- cape. My friend Peter came one evening, and asked to speak with me. " Your day has come, Linda," said he. " I have found a chance for you to go to the Free States. You have a fortnight to decide." The news seemed too good to be true ; but Peter explained his arrangements, and told me all that was necessary was for me to say I would go. I was going to answer him with a joyful yes, when the thought of Benny came to my mind. I told him the temptation was exceed- ingly strong, but I was terribly afraid of Dr. Flint's alleged power over my child, and tliat I could not go and leave him behind. Peter remonstrated earnestly. He said such a good chance might never occur again ; that Benny was free, and could be sent to me ; and that for the sake of my children's welfare I ought not to hesitate a moment. I told him I would consult with uncle Phillip. My uncle rejoiced in the plan, and bade me go by all means. He promised, if his life was spared, that he would either bring or send my son to me as soon as I reached a place of safety. I re- solved to go, but thought nothing had better be said to niy grandmother till very near the time of departure. But my uncle thought she would feel it more keenly if I left her so suddenly. " I will reason with her,' ' said he, " and convince her Kow necessary it is, not 228 , Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. only for your sake, bat for hers also. You cannot be blind to the &ct that she is sinking under her bur- dens." I was not blind to it. I knew that my con- cealment was an ever-present source of anxiety, and that the older she grew the more nervously fearful she was of discovery. My uncle talked with her, and finally succeeded in persuading her that it was abso- lutely necessary for me to seize the chance so unex- pectedly offered. The anticipation of being a free woman proved al- most too much for my weak frame. The excitement stimulated me, and at the same time bewildered me« I made busy preparations for my journey, and for my son to follow me. I resolved to have an interview with him before I went, that I might give him cautions and advice, and tell him how anxiously I should be waiting for him at the north. Grandmother stole up to me as often as possible to whisper words of counsel. She insisted upon my writing to Dr. Flint, as soon as I arrived in the Free States, and asking him to sell me to her. She said she would sacrifice her house, and all she had in the world, for the sake of having me safe with my children in any part of the world. If she could only live to know that she could die in peace. I promised the dear old faithful friend that I would write to her as soon as I arrived, and put the letter in a safe way to reach her ; but in my own mind I re- solved that not another cent of her hard earnings should be spent to pay rapacious slaveholders for what they called their property. And even if I had not been unwilling to buy what I had already a right to possess, common humanity would have prevented me Preparations for Efcape. , 229 from accepting the generous offer, at the expense of turning my aged relative out of house and home, when she was trembling on the brink of the grave. I was to escape in a vessel ; but I forbear to mention any further paticulars. I was in readiness, but the Tessel was unexpectedly detained several days. Mean- time, news came to town of a most horrible murder committed on a fugitive slave, named James. Charity, the mother of this unfortunate young man, had been an old acquaintance of ours. I have told the shock- ing particulars of his death, in my description of some of the neighboring slaveholders. My grandmother, always nervously sensitive about runaways, was terribly frightened. She felt sure that a similar fate awaited me, if I did not desist from my enterprise. She sobbed, and groaned, and entreated me not to go. Her exces- sive fear was somewhat contagious, and my heart was not proof against her extreme agony, I was grievously disappointed, but I promised to relinquish my project. When my friend Peter was apprised of this, he was both disappointed and vexed. He said, that judging from our past experience, it would be a long time before I had such another chance to throw away. I told him it need not be thrown away ; that I had a friend concealed near by, who would be glad enough to take the ^lace that had been provided for me. I told him about poor Fanny, and tho kind-hearted, noble fellow, who never turned his back upon any body in distress, white or black, ex- pressed his readiness to help her. Aggie was much surprised when she found that we knew her secret. She was rejoiced to hear of such a chance for Fanny, 20 23P Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. and arrangements were made for her to go on board the vessel the next night. They both supposed that I had long been at the north, therefore my name was not mentioned in the transaction. Fanny was carried on board at the appointed time, and stowed away in a very small, cabin. This accommodation had been purchased at a price that would pay for a voyage to England. But when one proposes to go to fine old England, they stop to calculate whether they can afibrd the cost of the pfeasure ; while in making a bargain to escape from slavery, the trembling victim is ready to say, " Take all I have, only don't betray me ! " The next morning I peeped through my loophole, and saw that it was dark and cloudy. At night I re- ceived news that the wind was ahead, and the vessel had not sailed. I was exceedingly anxious about Fanny, and Peter too, who was running a tremendous risk at my instigation. Next day the wind and weather remained the same. Poor Fanny had been half dead with fright when they carried her on board, and I could readily imagine how she must be suffering now. Grandmother came often to my den, to say how thank* ful she was I did not go. On the third morning she rapped for me to come down to the storeroom. The poor old sufferer was breaking down under her weight of trouble. She was easily flurfled now. I found her in a nervous, excited state, but I was not aware that she had forgotten to lock the door behind her, as usual. She was exceedingly worried about the detention of the vessel. She was afraid all would be discovered, and then Fanny, and Peter, and I, would all be tor- tured to death, and Pliillip would be utterly ruined, Preparations for Efcapc. 231 and her house would be torn down. Poor Peter ! If he should die such a horrible death as the poor slave James had lately done, and all for his kindness in try- ing to help me, how dreadful it would be for us all ! Alas, the thought was familiar to me, and had sent many a sharp pang through my heart. I tried to sup- press my own anxiety, and speak soothingly to her. She brought in some allusion to aunt Nancy, the dear daughter she had recently buried, and then she lost all control of herself. As she stood there, trembling and sobbing, a voice from the piazza called out, ^' Whar is you, aunt Marthy ? " Grandmother was startled, and in her agitation opened the door, without thinking of me. In stepped Jenny, the mischievous housemaid, who had tried to enter my room, when I was concealed in the house of my white benefactress. " I's bin huntin ebery whar for you, aunt Marthy," said she. "My missis wants you to send her some crackers." I had slunk down behind a barrel, which entirely screened me, but I imagined that Jenny was looking directly at the spot, and my heart beat violently. My grand mother immediately thought what she had done, and went out quickly with Jenny to count the crackers locking the door after her. She returned to me, in a few minutes, the perfect picture of despair. " Poor child ! " she exclaimed, " my carelessness has ruined you. The boat ain't gone yet. Get ready immedi ately, and go with Fanny. I ain't got another word to say against it now; for there's no telling what may happen this day." Uncle Phillip was sent for, and he agreed with hia mother in thinking that Jenny would inform Dr. Flint 232 Incidents in the Life of a Slave QirL in less than twenty-four hours. He advised getting me on board the boat, if possible ; if not, I had better keep very still in my den, where they could not find me without tearing the house down. He said it would not do for him to move in the matter, because suspicion would be immediately excited; but he promised to communicate with Peter. I felt reluctant to apply to him again, having implicated him too much already ; but there seemed to be no alternative. Vexed as Peter had been by my indecision, he was true to his generous nature, and said at once that he would do his best to help me, trusting I should show myself a stronger woman this time. He inmiediately proceeded to the wharf, and found that the wind had shifted, and the vessel was slowly beating down stream. On some pretext of urgent necessity, he offered two boatmen a dollar apiece to catch up with her. He was of lighter complexion than the boatmen he hired, and when the captain saw them coming so rapidly, he thought officers were pursuing his vessel in search of the runaway slave he had on board. They hoisted sails, but the boat gained upon them, and the indefatigable Peter sprang on board. The captain at once recognized him. Peter asked him to go below, to speak about a bad bill he had given him. When he told his errand, the captain replied, " Why, the woman's here already ; and I've put her where you or the devil would have a tough job to find her." " But it is another woman I want to bring,'* said Peter. " She is in great distress, too, and you shall be paid any thing within reason, if you'll stop and take her." Preparations for Efcapc. 233 <^ What's her name ? " inquired the captain* " Linda," he replied. ^< That's the name of the woman already here/' rejoined the captain. ^^By George! I belicTe yon mean to betray me." "O!" exclaimed Peter, "God knows I wouldn't harm a hair of your head. I am too grateful to you. But there really t^ another woman in great danger. Do have the humanity to stop and take her ! " After a while they came to an understanding. Fanny, not dreaming I was any where about in that region, had assumed my name, though she called herself John- son. " Linda is a common name," said Peter, " and the woman I want to bring is Linda Brent." The captain agreed to wait at a certain place till evening, being handsomely paid for his detention. Of course, the day was an anxious one for us all. But we concluded Uiat if Jenny had seen me, she would be too wise to let her mistress know of it ; and that she probably would not get a chance to see Dr. Flint's family till evening, for I knew very well what were the rules in that household. I afterwards be- lieved that she did not see me ; for nothing ever came of it, and she was one of those base characters that would have jumped to betray a suffering fellow being for the sake of thirty pieces of silver. I made all my arrangements to go on board as soon as it was dusk. The intervening time I resolved to spend with my son. I had not spoken to him for seven years, though I had been under the same roof, and seen him every day, when I was well enough to sit at the loophole. I did not dare to ventiure beyond the 20* 234 Incidents in the Li^! of a Slave GirL storeroom ; so they brought him there, and locked us up together, in a place concealed from the piazza door. It was an agitating interview for both of us. After we had talked and wept together for a little while, he said, " Mother, I'm glad you're going away. I wish I could go with you. I knew you was here ; and I have been $o afraid they would come and catch you ! " I was greatly surprised, and asked him how he had found it out. He replied, ^^ I was standing imder the eaves, one day, before Ellen went away, and I heard somebody cough up over the wood shed. I don't know what made me think it was you, but I did think so. I missed Ellen, the night before she went away; and grandmother brought her back into the room in the night ; andl thought maybe she'd been to see you^ be- fore she went, for I heard grandmother whisper to her, * Now go to sleep ; and remember never to tell.' " I asked him if he ever mentioned his suspicions to his sister. He said he never did ; but after he heard the cough, if he saw her playing with other children on that side of the house, he always tried to coax her round to the other side, for fear they would hear me cough, too. He said he had kept a close lookout for Dr. Flint, and if he saw him speak to a constable, or a patrol, he always told grandmother. I now recol- lected that I had seen him manifest uneasiness, when people were on that side of the house, and I had at the time been puzzled to coiyecture a motive for his actions. Such prudence may seem extraordinary in a boy of twelve years, but slaves, being surrounded by mysteries, deceptions, and dangers, early learn to be Preparations for Efcape. 235 suspicious and watchful, and prematurelj cautious and cunning. He had never asked a question of grand- mother, or uncle Phillip, and I had often heard him chime in with other children, when they spoke of my being at the north. I told him I was now really going to the Free States, and if he was a good, honest boy, and a loving child to his dear old grandmother, the Lord would bless him, and bring him to me, and we and Ellen would live together. He began to tell me that grandmother had not eaten any thing all day. While he was speaking, the door was unlocked, and she came in with a small bag of money, which she wanted me to take. I begged her to keep a part of it, at least, to pay for Benny's being sent to the north ; but she insisted, while her tears were falling fast, that I should take the whole. " You may be sick among strangers," she said, " and they would send you to the poorhouse to die." Ah, that good grandmother •! For the last time I went up to my nook. Its deso- late appearance no longer chilled me, for the light of hope had risen in my soul. Yet, even with the blessed prospect of freedom before me, I felt very sad at leav- ing forever that old homestead, where I bad been shel- tered so long by the dear old grandmother ; where I had dreamed my first young dream of love ; and where, after that had faded away, my children came to twin© themselves so closely round my desolate heart. As tlie hour approached for me to leave, I again descended to the storeroom. My grandmother and Benny were there. Slie took rac by the band, and said, " Linda, let us pray." Wo knelt down together, with my child 236 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. pressed to 1117 heart, and my other arm round the fiedth- ful, loving old friend I was about to leave forever. On no other occasion has it ever been mj lot to listen to so fervent a supplication for mercy and protection. It thrilled through my heart, and inspired me with trust in Qod. Peter was waiting for me in the street. I was soon by his side, faint in body, but strong of purpose. I did not look bock upon the old place, though I felt that I should never see it again. Northward Bound. 237 NORTHWARD BOUND. I NEVER could tell how we reached the wharf. My brain was all of a whirl, and my limbs tottered under me. At an appointed place we met my uncle Phillip, who had started before us on a different route, that he might reach the wharf first, and give us timely warn- ing if there was any danger. A row-boat was in readi- ness. As I was about to step in, I felt something pull me gently, and turning round I saw Benny, looking pale and anxious. He whispered in my ear, " I've been peeping into the doctor's window, and he's at home. Good by, mother. Don't cry ; I'll come." He has- tened away. I clasped the hand of my good uncle, to whom I owed so much, and of Peter, the brave, gener- ous friend who had volunteered to run such terrible risks to secure my safety. To this day I remember how his bright face beamed with joy, when he told me he had discovered a safe method for me to escape. Yet that intelligent, enterprising, noble-hearted man was a chattel ! liable, by the laws of a country that calls itself civilized, to be sold with horses and pigs ! We parted in silence. Our hearts were all too full for words ! Swiftly the boat glided over the water. After a while, one of the sailors said, " Don't be down-hearted, madam. We will take you safely to your husband, in — ^ ." At first I could not imagine what he meant ; 238 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. but I had presence of mind to think tliat it probably referred to something the captain had told him ; so I thanked him, and said I hoped we should have pleasant weather. When I entered the vessel the captain came forward to meet me. He was an elderly man, with a pleasant countenance. He showed me to a little box of a cabin, where sat my friend Fanny. She started as if she had seen a spectre. She gazed on me in utter astonishment, and exclaimed, ^^ Linda, can this be you ? or is it your ghost?" ' When we were locked in each other's arms, my overwrought feelings could no longer be restrained. My sobs reached the ears of the captain, who came and very kindly reminded us, that for his safety, as well as our own, it would be prudent for us not to attract any attention. He said that when there was a sail in sight he wished us to keep below ; but at other times, he had no objection to our being on deck. He assured us that he would keep a good lookout, and if we acted pru- dently, he thought we should be in no danger. He had represented us as women going to meet our hus- bands in . We thanked him, and promised to observe carefully all the directions he gave us. Fanny and I now talked by ourselves, low and qui- etly, in our little cabin. She told me of the sufferings she had gone through in making her escape, and oi her terrors while she was concealed in her mother's house. Above all, she dwelt on the agony of separation from all her children on that dreadful auction day. She could scarcely credit me, when I told her of the place where I had passed nearly seven years. " We have the same sorrows," said L " No," replied she, " you are Northward Bound. 239 going to see your children soon, and there is no hope that I shall ever even hear from mine." The vessel was soon under way, but we made slow progress. The wind was against* us. I should not have cared for this, if we had been out of sight of the town ; but until there were miles of water between us and our enemies, we were filled with constant appre- hensions that the constables would come on board. Neither could I feel quite at ease with the captain and his men. I was an entire stranger to Ihat class of peo^ pie, and I had heard that sailors were rough, and some* times cruel. We were so completely in their power, that if they were bad men, our situation would be dreadful. Now that the captain was paid for our pas- sage, might he not be tempted to make more money by giving us up to those who claimed us as property ? I was naturally of a confiding disposition, but slavery had made me suspicious of every body. Fanny did not share my distrust of the captain or his men. She said she was afraid at first, but she had been on board three days while the vessel lay in the dock, and nobody had betrayed her, or treated her otherwise than kindly. The captain soon came to advise us to go on deck for fresh air. His friendly and respectful manner, combined with Fanny's testimony, reassured me, and we went with him. He placed us in a comfortable seat, and occasionally entered into conversation. He told us he was a Southerner by birth, and had spent the greater part of his life in the Slave States, and that he had re- cently lost a brother who traded in slaves. '^ But,'' said he, ^^ it is a pitiable and degrading business, and I always felt ashamed to acknowledge my brother in Qon* 240 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL nectioa with it/* As we passed Snaky Swamp, he pointed to it, and said, ^* Tliere is a slave territory that defies all the laws/' I thought of the terrible days I had spent there, and though it was not called Dismal Swamp, it made me feel very dismal as I looked at it. I shall never foi^et that night. The balmy air of spring was so refreshing ! And how shall I describe my sensations when we were fairly sailing on Chesa- peake Bay ? O, the beautiful sunshine ! the exhilarat- ing breeze ! and I could enjoy them without fear or restraint. I had never realized what grand things air and sunlight are till I had been deprived of them. Ten days after we left land we were approaching Philadelphia. The captain said we should arrive there in the night, but he thought we had better wait till morning, and go on shore in broad daylight, as the best way to avoid suspicion. I replied, " You know hest. But will you stay on board and protect us ? " He saw that I was suspicious, and he said he was sorry, now that he had brought us to the end of our voyage, to find I had so little confidence in him. Ah, if he had ever been a slave he would have known how difficult it was to trust a white man. He assured us that we might sleep through th^ night without fear ; that he would take care we were not left unprotected. Be it said to the honor of this captain. Southerner as he was, that if Fanny and I had been white ladies, and our passage lawfully engaged, he could not have treated us more respectfully. My intelligent friend, Peter, had rightly estimated the character of the man to whose honor he had intrusted us. Northward Bound. 241 The next morning I was on deck as soon as the d^ dawned. I called Fanny to see the sun rise, for the first time in our lives, on free soil ; for such I then be- lieved it to be. We watched the reddening sky, and saw the great orb come up slowly out of 'the water, as it seemed. Soon the waves began to sparkle, and every .thing caught the beautiful glow. Before us lay the city of strangers. We looked at each other, and the eyes of both were moistened with tears. We had escaped from slavery, and we supposed ourselves to be safe from the hunters. But we were alone in the world, and we had left dear ties behind us ; ties cruelly sun- dered by the demon Slavery. 1 21 242 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL XXXI. INCIDENTS IN PHILADELPHIA. I HAD heard that the poor slave had many friends at the north. I trusted we should find some of them. Meantime, we would take it for granted that all were friends, till^they proved to the contrary. I sought out the kind captain, thanked him for his attentions, and told him I should never cease to be grateful for the service he had rendered us. I gave him a message to the friends I had left at home, and he promised to deliver it. We were placed in a row-boat, and in about fifteen minutes were landed on a wood wharf in Phila- delphia. As I stood looking round, the friendly cap- tain touched me on the shoulder, and said, " There is a respectable-looking colored man behind you. I will speak to him about the New York trains, and tell him you wish to go directly on." I thanked him, and asked •him to direct me to some shops where I could buy gloves and veils. He did so, and said he would talk with the colored man till I returned. I made what haste I could. Constant exercise on board the vessel, and frequent rubbing with salt water, had nearly re- stored ^the use of my limbs. The noise of the great city confused me, but I found the shops, and bought some double veils and gloves for Fanny and myself. The shopman .told me they were so many levies. I had never heard the word before, but I did not tell him so. I thought if he knew I was a stranger he Incidents in Philadelphia. 243 might ask me where I came from. I gave him a gold piece, and when he returned the change, I counted it, and found out how much a levy was: I made my way back to the wharf, where the captain introduced me to the colored man, as the Bey. Jeremiah Durham, min- ister of Betliel church. He took me by the hand, as if I had been an old friend. He told us we were too late for the morning cars to New York, and must wait until the evening, or the next morning. He invited me to go home with him, assuring me that his wife would give me a cordial welcome ; and for my friend he would provide a home with one of his neighbors. I tlianked him for so much kindness to strangers, and told him if I must be detained, I should like to hunt Tip some people who formerly went from our part of the country. Mr. Durham insisted that I should dine with him, and then he would assist me in finding my friends. The sailors came to bid us good by. I shook their hardy hands, with tears in my eyes. They had all been kind to us, and they had rendered us a greater service than they could possibly conceive of. I had never seen so large a city, or been in contact with so many people in the streets. It seemed as if those who passed looked at us with an expression of .curiosity. My face was so blistered and peeled, by sitting on deck, in wind and sunshine, that I thought they could not easily decide to what nation I belonged. Mrs. Durham met me with a kindly welcome, with- out asking any questions. I was tired, and her friendly manner was a sweet refreshment. God bless her ! I was sure that she had comforted other weary hearts, before I received her sympathy. She was suiromxd^d 244 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. by her husband and children, in a home made sacrod by protecting laws. I thought of my own children, and sighed. After dinner Mr. Durham went with me in quest of the friends I had spoken of. They went from my na- tive town, and I anticipated much pleasure in looking on familiar, faces. They were not at home, and we retraced our steps through streets delightfully clean. On the way, Mr. Durham observed that I had spoken to him of a daughter I expected to meet ; that he was surprised, for I looked so young he had taken me for a single woman. He was approaching a subject on which I was extremely sensitive. He would ask about my husband next, I thought, and if I answered him truly, what would he think of me ? I 'told him I had two children, one in New York the other at the south. He asked some further questions, and I frankly told him some of the most important events of my life. It was painful for me to do it ; but I would not deceive him. If he was desirous of being my friend, I thought he ought to know how far I was worthy of it. " Ex- cuse me, if I have tried your feelings," said he. " I did not question you from idle curiosity. I wanted to understand your situation, in order to know whether I could be of any service to you, or your little girl. Your straight-forward answers do you credit; but don't answer every body so openly. It might give some heartless people a pretext for treating you with contempt.'* That word contempt burned me like coals of fire. I replied, " God alone knows how I have sufifered ; 8tnd He, I trust, will forgive me. If I am permitted to Incidents in Philadelphia. 245 have my children, I intend to be a good mother, and to live in snch a manner that people cannot treat me with contempt." " I respect your sentiments," said he. " Place your trust in Qod, and be governed by good principles, and you will not fail to find friends." When we reached home, I went to my room, glad to shut out the world for a while. The words he had spoken made an indelible impression upon me. They brought up great shadows from the mournful past. In the midst of my meditations I was startled by a knock at the door. Mrs. Durham entered, her face all beam- ing with kindness, to say that there was an anti-slavery friend down stairs, who would like to see mc. I over- came my dread of encountering strangers, and went with her. Many questions were asked concerning my experiences, and my escape from slavery ; but I ob- served how careful they all were not to say any thing that might wound my feelings. How gratifying this was, can be fully understood only by those who have been accustomed to be treated as if they were not in- cluded within the pale of himian beings. The anti- slavery friend had come to inquire into my plans, and to offer assistance, if needed. Fanny was comfortably established, for the present, with a friend of Mr. Dur- ham. The Anti-Slavery Society agreed to pay her ex- penses to New York. The same was oflFered to me, but I declined to accept it; telling them that my grand- mother had given me sufficient to pay my expenses to the end of my journey. We were urged to remain in Philadelphia a few days, until some suitable escort could be found for us. I gladly accepted the proposi- 21* 246 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL tioiiy for I had a dread of meeting slaveholders, and some dread also of railroads. I had never entered a railroad car in my life, and it seemed to me quite an important event. That night I sought my pfllow with feelings I had never carried to it before. I verily believed myself to be a free woman. I was wakeful for a long time, and I had no sooner fallen asleep, than I was roused by fire-bells. I jumped up, and hurried on my clothes. Where I came from, every body hastened to dress themselves on such occasions. The white people thought a great fire might be used as a good oppor- tunity for insurrection, and that it was best to be in readiness ; and the colored people were ordered out to labor in extinguishing the flames. There was but one engine in our town, and colored women and children were often required to drag it to the river's edge and fill it. Mrs. Durham's daughter slept in the same room with me, and seeing that she slept through all the din, I thought it was my duty to wake her. " What's the matter ? " said she, rubbing her eyes. " They're screaming fire in the streets, and the bells are ringing," I replied. " What of that ? " said she, drowsily. " We are used to it. We never get up, without the fire is very near. What good would it do ? " I was quite surprised that it was not necessary for us to go and help fill the engine. I was an ignorant child, just beginning to learn how things went on in great cities. At daylight, I heard women crying fresh fish, ber- ries, radishes, and various other things. All this was Incidents in Philadelphia, 247 new to me. I dressed myself at an early hour, and sat at the window to watch that unknown tide of life. Philadelphia seemed to me a wonderfully great place. At the breakfast table, my idea of going out to drag the engine was laughed over, and I joined in the mirth. I went to see Fanny, and found her so well con- tented among her new friends that she was in no haste to leave. I was also very happy with my kind hostess. She had had advantages for education, and was vastly my superior. Every day, almost every hour, I was adding to my little stock of knowledge. She took me out to see the city as much as she deemed prudent. One day she took me to an artist's room, and showed me the portraits of some of her children. I had never seen any paintings of colored people before, and they seemed to me beautiful. At the end of five days, one of Mrs. Durham's friends offered to accompany us to New York the following morning. As I held the hand of my good hostess in a parting clasp, I longed to know whether her husband had repeated to her what I had told him. I supposed ho liad, but she never made any alhision to it. I pre- sume it was tlie delicate silence of womanly sympathy. When Mr. Durham handed us our tickets, he said, " I am afraid you will have a disagreeable ride ; but I could not procure tickets for the first class cars." Supposing I had not given him money enough, I offered more. " 0, no," said he, " they could not be had for any money. They don't allow colored people to go in the first-class cars." This was the first chill to ray enthusiasm about the Eree States. Colored people were allowed to ride rn a 248 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL filthy box, behind white people, at the south, but there fhey were not required to pay for the priyilege. It made me sad to find how the north aped the cnstoms of slavery. We were stowed away in a large, rough car, with windows on each sidS, too high for us to look out with- out standing up. It was crowded with people, appar- ently of all nations. There were plenty of beds and cradles, containing screaming and kicking babies. Every other man had a cigar or pipe in his mouth, and jugs of whiskey were handed round freely. The fumes of the whiskey and the dense tobacco smoke were sickening to my senses, and my mind was equally nauseated by the coarse jokes and ribald songs around me. It was a very disagreeable ride. Since that time there has been some improvement in these matters. The Meeting of Mother and Daughter. 249 XXXII. THE MEETING OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. When we arrived in New York, I was half crazed by the crowd of coachmen calling out, " Carriage, ma'am ? '* We bargained with one to take us to Sullivan Street for twelve shillings. A burly Irishman stepped up and said, " I'll tak' ye for sax shillings.'* The reduction of half the price was an object to us, and we asked if he could take us right away. " Troth an I will, ladies," he replied. I noticed that the hack- men smiled at each other, and I inquired whether his conveyance was decent. " Yes, it's dacent it is, marm. Devil a bit would I be after takin' ladies in a cab that was not dacent." We gave him our checks. He went for the baggage, and soon reappeared, saying, " This way, if you plase, ladies." We followed, and found our trunks on a truck, and we were invited to take our seats on them. We told him that was not what we bargained for, and he must take the trunks off. He swore they should not be touched till we had paid him six shillings. In our situation it was not prudent to attract attention, and I was about to pay him what he required, when a man near by shook his head for me not to do it. After a great ado we got rid of the Irishman, and had our trunks fastened on a hack. We had been recommended to a boarding-house in Sullivan Street, and thither we drove. There Fanny and I separated. The Anti-Slavery Society provided a 250 ' Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. home for her, and I afterwards heard of her in pros^ porous circumstances. I sent for an old friend from my part of the country, who had for some time been doing business in New York. He came immediately. I told him I wanted to go to my daughter, and asked him to aid me in procuring an interview. I cautioned him not to let it be known to the family that I had just amved from the south, because they supposed I had been at the north seven years. He told me there was a colored woman in Brooklyn who came from the same town I did, and I had bett^ go to her house, and have my daughter meet me there. I accepted the proposition thankfully, and he agreed to escort me to Brooklyn. We crossed Fulton ferry, went up Myrtle Avenue, and stopped at the house he designated. I was just about to enter, when two girls passed. My friend called my attention to them. I turned, and recognized in the eldest, Sarah, the daughter of a woman who used to live with my grand- mother, but who had left the south years ago. Sur- prised and rejoiced at this unexpected meeting, I threw my arms round her, and inquired concernmg her mother. "You take no notice of the other girl," said my friend. I turned, and there stood my Ellen ! I pressed her to my heart, then held her away from me to take a look at her. She had changed a good deal in the two years since I parted from her. Signs of neglect could be discerned by eyes less observing than a mother's. My friend invited us all to go into the house ; but Ellen said she had been sent of an errand, which she would do as quickly as possible, and go The Meeting of Mother and Daughter. 251 hoifte and ask Mrs. Hobbs to let her come and see me. It was agreed that I should send for her the next daj. Her companion, Sarah, hastened to tell her mother of my arrival. When I entered the house, I found the mistress of it absent, and I waited for her return. Before I saw her, I heard her saying, " Where is Linda Brent? I used to know her father and mother." Soon Sarah came with her mother. So there was quite a company of us, all from my grand- mother's neighborhood. These friends gathered round me and questioned me eagerly. They laughed, they oried, and they shouted. They thanked God that I had got away from my persecutors and was safe on Long Island. It was a day of great excitement. How different from the silent days I had passed in my dreary den ! The next morning was Sunday. My first waking thoughts were occupied with the note I was to send to Mrs. Hobbs, the lady with whom Ellen hved. That I had recently come into that yicinity was evident; Otherwise I should have sooner inquired for my daughter. It would not do to let them know I had just arrived from the south, for that would involve the suspicion of my having been harbored there, and might bring trouble, if not ruin, on several people. I like a straightforward course, and am alwayi^ re« luctant to resort to subterfuges. So far as my ways have been crooked, I charge them all upon slavery. It was that system of violence and wrong which now left me no alternative but to enact a falsehood. I began my note by stating that I had recently arrived from Canada, and was very desirous to have my 252 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. daughter come to see me. She came and brought a message from Mrs. Hobbs, invitiug me to her house, and assuring me that I need not have any fears. The conyersation I had with mj child did not leave my mind at ease. When I asked if she was well treated, she answered yes; but there was no heartiness in the tone, and it seemed tome that she said it from an unwillingness to have me troubled on her account. Before she left me, she asked very earnestly, " Mother, when will you take me to live with you?" It made me sad to think that I could not give her a home till I went to work and earned the means; and that might take me a long time. When she was placed with Mrs. Hobbs, the agreement was that she should be sent to school. She had been there two years, and was now nine years old, and she scarcely knew her letters. There was no excuse for this, for there were good public schools in Brooklyn, to which she could have been sent without expense. She staid with me till dark, and I went home with her. I was received in a friendly manner by the family, and all agreed in saying that Ellen was a useful, good girl. Mrs. Hobbs looked me coolly in the face, and said, " I suppose you know that my cousin, Mr. Sands, has given her to my eldest daughter. She will make a nice waiting-maid for her when she grows up." I did not answer a word. How could she, who knew by experience the strength of a mother's love, and who was perfectly aware of the relation Mr. Sands bore to my children, — how could she look me in the face, while she thrust such a dagger into my heart ? I was no longer surprised that they had kept her in such a state of ignorance. Mr. Hobbs had formerly The Meeting of Mother and Daughter. 253 been wealUiy, but he had failed, and afterwards ob- tained a subordinate situation in the Custom House. Perhaps they expected to return to the south some day ; and Ellen's knowledge was quite suflScient for a slave's condition. I was impatient to go to work and earn money, that I might change the uncertain position of my children. Mr. Sands had not kept his promise to emancipate them. I had also been deceived about Ellen. What security had I with regard to Benjamin ? I felt that I had none. I returned to my friend's house in an uneasy state of mind. In order to protect my children, it was necessary that I should own myself. I called myself free, and sometimes felt so ; but I knew I was insecure. I sat down that night and wrote a civil letter to Dr, Flint, asking him to state the lowest terms on which he would sell me ; and as I belonged by law to his daughter, I wrote to her also, making a similar request. Since my arrival at the north I had not been un- mindful of my dear brother William. I had made diligent inquiries for him, and having heard of him in Boston, I went thither. When I arrived there, I found he had gone to New Bedford. I wrote to that place, and was informed he had gone on a whaling voyage, and would not return for some months. I went back to New York to get employment near Ellen. I received an answer from Dr. Flint, which gave me no encouragement. He advised me to return and submit myself to my rightful owners, and then any request I might make would be granted. I lent this letter to a friend, who lost it ; otherwise I would pre- sent a copy to my readers. 254 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL A HOME POUND. Mt greatest anxiety now was to obtain employment. M7 health was greatly improved, though my limbs con* tinned to trouble me with swelling whenever I walked much. The greatest difficulty in my way was, that those who employed strangers required a recommenda- tion ; and in my peculiar position, I could, of course, obtain no certificates from the families I had so fidth fully served. One day an acquaintance told me of a lady who wanted a nurse for her babe, and I immediately ap- plied for the situation. The lady told me she preferred to have one who had been a mother, "and accustomed to the care of infants. I told her I had nursed two babes of my own. She asked me many questions, but, to my great relief, did not require a recommendation from my former employers. She told me she was an English woman, land that was a pleasant circumstance to me, because I had heard they had less prejudice against color than Americans entertained. It was agreed that we should try each other for a week. The trial proved satisfactory to both parties, and I was en« gaged for a month. The heavenly Father had been most merciful to me in leading me to this place. Mrs. Bruce was a kind and gentle lady, and proved a true and sympathizing friend. Before the stipulated month expired, the necessity of A Home Found 255 passing up and down stairs frequently, caused my limbs to swell so painfully, that I became unable to perform my duties. Many ladies would have thoughtlessly dis- charged me ; but Mrs. Bruce made arrangements to save me steps, and employed a physician to attend upon me. I had not yet told her that I was a fugitive slave. She noticed that I was often sad, and kindly inquired the cause. I spoke of being separated from my chil- dren, and from relatives who were dear to me ; but I did not mention the constant feeling of insecurity which oppressed my spirits. I longed for some one to confide in ; but I had been so deceived by white people, that I had lost all confidence in them. If they spoke kind words to me, I thpught it was for some selfisn purpose. I had entered this family with the distrustful feelings I had brought with me out of slavery ; but ere six months had passed, I found that the gentle deportment of Mrs. Bruce and the smiles of her lovely babe were thawing my chilled heart. My narrow mind also began to expand under the influences of her intelligent con- versation, and the opportunities for reading, which were gladly allowed me whenever I had leisure from my duties. I gradually became more energetic and more cheerful. The old feeling of insecurity, especially with regard to my children, often threw its dark shadijw across my sunshine. Mrs. Bruce oflFered me a home for Ellen ; but pleasant as it would have been, I did not dare to accept it, for fear of offending the Hobbs family. Their knowledge of my precarious situation placed me in their power ; and I felt that it was important for me to keep on the right side of them, till, by dint of labor and economy, I could make a home for my children. 256 Incidents In the Life of a Slave Girl. 1 was far from feeling satisfied with EUeu's situation. Slic was not well cared for. She sometimes came to New York to visit me ; but she generally brought a request from Mrs. Hobbs that I would buy her a pair of shoes, or some article of clothiug. This was accom- panied by a promise of payment when Mr. Hobbs's salary at the Custom House became due ; but some how or other the pay-day never came. Thus many dollars of my earnings were expended to keep my child com- fortably clothed. That, however, was a slight trouble, compared with the fear that their pecuniary embarrass- ments might induce thqjn to sell my precious young daughter. I knew they were in constant communication with Southerners, and had frequent opportunities to do it. I have stated that when Dr. Flint put Ellen in jail, at two years old, she had an inflammation of the eyes, oc- casioned by measles. This disease still troubled her ; and kind Mrs. Bruce proposed that she should come to New York for a while, to be under the care of Dr. Elliott, a well known oculist. It did not occur to me that there was any thing improper in a mother's making such a request ; but Mrs. Hobbs was very angry, and refused to let her go. Situated as I was, it was not politic to insist upon it. I made no complaint, but I longed to be'entirely free to act a mother's part towards my children. The next time I went over to Brooklyn, Mrs. Hobbs, as if to apologize for her anger, told me she had employed her own physician to attend to Ellen's eyes, and that she had refused my request because she did not consider it safe to trust her in New York. I accepted the explanation in silence ; but she had told me that my child belonged to her daughter, and I sus- A Home Found 257 pected that her real motive was a fear of my conveying her property away from her. Perhaps I did her in- justice ; but my knowledge of Southerners made it difficult for me to feel otherwise. Sweet and bitter were mixed in the cup of my life, and I was thankful that it had ceased to be entirely bitter. I loved Mrs. Bruce's babe. When it laughed and crowed in my face, and twined its little tender arms confid- ingly about my neck, it made me think of the time when Benny and Ellen were babies, and my wounded heart was soothed. One bright morning, as I stood at the window, tossing baby in my arms, my attention was attracted by a young man in sailor's dress, who was closely observing every house as he passed. I looked at him earnestly. Could it be my brother William ? It must be he — and yet, how changed ! I placed the baby safely, flew down stairs, opened the front door, beckoned to the sailor, and in less than a minute I was clasped in my brother's arms. How much we had to tell each other ! How we laughed, and how we cried, over each other's adventures ! I took him to Brooklyn, and again saw him with Ellen, the dear child whom he had loved and tended so carefully, while I was shut up in my miserable den. He staid in New York a week. His old feelings of affection for me and Ellen were as lively as ever. There are no bonds so strong as those which are formed by sufiering together. 22* 258 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. XXXIV. THE OLD ENEMY AGAIN. My young mistress, Miss Emily Flint, did not re- turn any answer to my letter requesting her to consent to my being sold. But after a while, I received a reply, which purported to be written by her younger brother. In order rightly to enjoy the contents of this letter, the reader must bear in mind that the Flint family sup- posed I had been at the north many years. They had no idea that I knew of the doctor's three excursions to New York in search of me ; that I had heard his voice, when he came to borrow five hundred dollars for that purpose ; and that I had seen him pass on his way to the steamboat. Neither were they aware that all the particulars of aunt Nancy's death and burial were conveyed to me at the time they occurred. I have kept the letter, of which I herewith subjoin a copy : — " Your letter to sister was received a few days ago. I gather from it that you are desirous of returning to your native place, among your friends and relatives. We were all gratified with the contents of your letter ; and let me assure you that if any members of the family have had any feeling of resentment towards you, they feel it no longer. We all sympathize with you in your unfortunate condition, and are ready to do all in our power to make you contented and happy. It is difiicult for you to return home as a free person. K The Old Enemy Again. 259 you were purchased by your grandmother, it is doubt- fiil whether you would be permitted to remain, although it would be lawful for you to do so. If a servant should be allowed to purchase herself, after absenting herself so long from her owners, and return free, it would have an injurious efiFect. Prom yoiu* letter, I think your situation must be hard and uncomfortable. Come home. You have it in your power to be reinstated in our aflFections. We would receive you with open arms and tears of joy. You need not apprehend any un- kind treatment, as we have not put ourselves to any trouble or expense to get you. Had we done so, perhaps we should feel otherwise. You know my si&- ter was always attached to you, and that you were never treated as a slave. You were never put to hard work, nor exposed to field labor. On the contrary, you were taken into the house, and treated as one of us, and almost as free ; and we, at least, felt that you were above disgracing yourself by running away. Believing you may be induced to come home voluntarily has in- duced me to write for my sister. The family will be rejoiced to see you ; and your poor old grandmother expressed a great desire to have you come, when she heard your letter read. In her old age she needs the consolation of having her children round her. Doubt- less you have heard of the death of your aunt. She was a faithful servant, and a faithful member of the Episcopal church. In her Christian life she taught us how to live — and, 0, too high the price of knowl- edge, she .taught us how to die ! Could you have seen us round her death bed, with her mother, all mingling our tears in one common stream, you would have 26o Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. thought the same heartfelt tie existed between a mas- ter and his servaat, as between a mother and her child. But this subject is too painful to dwell upon. I must bring my letter to a close. If you are contented to stay away from your old grandmother, your child, and the friends who love you, stay where you are. We shall never trouble ourselves to apprehend you. But should you prefer to come home, we will do all that we can to make you happy. If you do not wish to remain in the family, I know that father, by our persuasion, will be induced to let you be purchased by any person you may choose in our community. You will please an- swer this as soon as possible, and let us know your decision. Sister sends much love to you. In the mean time believe me your sincere friend and well wisher." This letter was signed by Emily's brother, who was as yet a mere lad. I knew, by the style, that it was not written by a person of his age, and though the writing was disguised, I had been made too unhappy by it, in former years, not to recognize at once the hand of Dr. Flint. 0, the hypocrisy of slaveholders ! Did the old fox suppose I was goose enough to go into such a trap ? Verily, he relied too much on " the stupidity of the African race." I did not return the family of Flints any thanks for their cordial invitation — a re- missness for which I was, no doubt, charged with base ingratitude. Not long afterwards I received a letter from one of my fnends at the south, informing me that Dr. Flint was about to visit the north. The letter had been delayed, and I supposed he might be already on the The Old Enemy Again. 261 way. Mrs. Bruce did not know I was a fugitive. I told her that important business called me to Boston, where my brother then was, and asked permission to bring a friend to supply my place as nurse, for a fort- night. I started on my journey immediately ; and as soon as I arrived, I wrote to my grandmother that if Benny came, he must be sent to Boston. I knew she was only waiting for a good chance to send him north, and, fortunately, she had the legal power to do so, with- out asking leave of any body. She was a free woman ; and when my children were purchased, Mr. Sands pre- ferred to have the bill of sale drawn up in her name. It was conjectured that he advanced the money, but it was not known. At the south, a gentleman may have a shoal of colored children without any disgrace ; but if he is known to purchase them, with the view of set- ting them free, the example is thought to be dangerous to their " peculiar institution," and he becomes un- popular. There was a good opportunity to send Benny in a vessel coming directly to New York. He was put on board with a letter to a friend, who was requested to see him off to Boston. Early one morning, there was a loud rap at my door, and in rushed Benjamin; all out of breath. " mother ! " he exclaimed, " here I am ! I run all the way ; and I come all alone. How d'you do ? " reader, can you imagine my joy ? No, you can- not, unless you have been a slave mother. Benjamin rattled away as fast as his tongue could go. *•' Mother, why don't you bring Ellen here? I went over to Brooklyn to see her, and she felt very bad when I bid . I 262 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. her good by. She said, ^ Beu, I wish I was going too.' I thought she'd know ever so mu^h; but she don't know so much as I do ; for I can read, and she can't. And, mother, I lost all my clothes comings What can I do to get some more 7 I 'spose free boys can get along here at the north as well as white boys." I did not like to tell the sanguine, happy little fel- low how much he was mistaken. I took him to a tailor, and procured a change of clothes. The rest of the day was spent in mutual asking and answering of questions, with the wish constantly repeated that the good old grandmother was with us, and frequent injunctions from Benny to write to her immediately, and be sure to tell her every thing about his Toyage, and his journey to Boston. Dr. Flint made his visit to New York, and made every exertion to call upon me, and invite me to return with him ; but not being able to ascertain where I was, his hospitable intentions were frustrated, and the affec- tionate family, who were waiting for me with " open arms," were doomed to disappointment. As soon as I knew he was safely at home, I placed Benjamin in the care of my brother William, and re- turned to Mrs. Bruce. There I pemained through the winter and spring, endeavoring to perform my duties faithfully, and finding a good degree of happiness in the attractions of baby Mary, the considerate kindness of her excellent mother, and occasional interviews with my darling daughter. But when summer came, the old feeling of inse- curity haunted me. It was necessary for me to take little Mary out daUy, for exercise and fresh air, and The Old Enemy Again. 263 the city was swarming with Southerners, tome of whom might* recognize me. Hot weather brings out snakes and slayeholders, and I like one class of the yenomous creatures as little as I do the other. What a comfort it is, to be free to ^a^ so I 264 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. XXXV. PREJUDICE AGAINST COLOR. It was a relief to my mind to see preparations for leaving the city. We went to Albany in the steamboat Knickerbocker. When the gong sounded for tea, Mrs. Bruce said, ^^ Linda, it is late, and you and baby had better come to the table with me." I replied, " I know it is time baby had her supper, but I had rather not go with you, if you please. I am afraid of being insulted." " no, not if you are with me," she said. I saw sev- eral white nurses go with their ladies, and I ventured to do the same. We were at the extreme end of the table. I was no sooner seated, than a gruff voice said, ** Get up ! You know you are not allowed to sit here." I looked up, and, to my astonishment and indignation, saw that the speaker was a colored man. If his office required him to enforce the by-laws of the boat, lie might, at least, have jione it politely. I replied, " I shall ndt get up, unless the captain comes and takes me up." No cup of tea was offered me, but Mrs. Bruce handed me hers and called for another. I looked to see whether the other nurses were treated in a simi- lar manner. They were all properly waited on. Next morning, when we stopped at Troy for break- fast, every body was making a rush for the table. Mrs. Bruce said, " Take my arm, Linda, and we'll go in together." The landlord heard her, and said, *' Madam, will you allow your nurse and baby to take Prejudice Againft Color. 265 break&st with my family ? " I knew this was to be attributed to my complexion ; but he spoke courteously, and therefore I did not mind it. At Saratoga we found the United States Hotel crowded, and Mr. Bruce took one of the cottages be- longing to the hotel. I had thought, with gladness, of going to the quiet of the country, where I should meet few people, but here I found myself in the midst of a swarm of Southerners. I looked round me with fear and trembling, dreading to see some one who would recognize me. I was rejoiced to find that we were to stay but a short time. We soon returned to New York, to make arrange- ments for spending the remainder of the summer at Rockaway . While the laundress was putting the clothes in order, I took an opportunity to go over to Brooklyn to see Ellen. I met her going to a grocery store, and the first words she said, were, " 0, mother, don't go to Mrs. Hobbs's. Her brother, Mr. Thorne, has come from the south, and may be he'll tell where you are." I ac- cepted the warning. I told her I was going away with Mrs. Bruce the next day, and would try to see her when I came back. Being in servitude to the Anglo-Saxon race, I was not put into a " Jim Crow car,'' on our way to Rocka- way, neither was I invited to ride through the streets on the top of trunks in a truck ; but every where I found the same manifestations of that cruel prejudice, which so discourages the feelings, and represses the en- ergies of the colored people. We reached Rockaway before dark, and piit up at the Pavilion — a large hotel, beautifully situated by the sea-side — a great resort of 23 266 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. tbe fitshionable world. Thirty or forty nurses were there, of a great variety of nations. Some of the ladies had colored waiting-maids and coachmen, but I was the only nurse tinged with the blood of Africa. When the tea bell rang, I took little Mary and followed the other nurses. Supper was served in a long hall. A young man, who had the ordering of things, took the circuit of the table two or three times, and finally pointed me to a seat at the lower end of it. As there was but one chair, I sat down and took the child in my lap. Whereupon the young man came to me and said, in the blandest manner possible, " Will you please to seat the little girl in the chair, and stand behind it and feed her ? After they have done, you will be shown to the kitchen, where you will have a good supper." This was the climax ! I found it hard to preserve my self-control, when I looked round, and saw women who were nurses, as I was, and only one shade lighter in complexion, eyeing me with a defiant look, as if my presence were a contamination. However, I said nothing. I quietly took the child in my arms, went to our room, and refused to go to the table again. Mr. Bruce ordered meals to be sent to the room for little Mary and I. This answered for a few days; but the waiters of the establishment were white, and they soon began to complain, saying they were not hired to wait on negroes. The landlord requested Mr. Bruce to send me down to my meals, because his servants rebelled against bringing them up, and the colored servants of other boarders were dissatisfied because all were not treated alike. My answer was that the colored servants ought to be Prejudice Againft Color. 267 dissatisfied with themselves, for not having too much self-respect to submit to such treatment ; that there was no difference in the price of board for colored and white servants, and there was no justification for difference of treatment. I staid a month after this, and finding I was resolved to stand up for my rights, they concluded to treat me well. Let every colored man and woman do this, and eventually we shall cease to be trampled imdor foot by our oppressors. 268 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL XXXVI. THE HAIRBREADTH ESCAPE. After we returned to New York, I took the earliest opportunity to go and see Ellen. I asked to have her called down stairs ; for I supposed Mrs. Hobbs's south- ern brother might still be there, and I was desirous to avoid seeing him, if possible. But Mrs. Hobbs came to the kitchen, and insisted on my going up stairs. " My brother wants to see you," said she, " and he is sorry you seem to shun him. He knows you are living in New York. He told me to say to you that he owes thanks to good old aunt Martha for too many little acts of kindness for him to be base enough to betray her grandchild." ^ This Mr. Thorne had become poor and reckless long before he left the south, and such persons had much rather go to one of the faithful old slaves to borrow a dollar, or get a good dinner, than to go to one whom they consider an equal. It was such acts of kindness as these for which he professed to feel grateful to my grandmother. I wished he had kept at a distance, but as he was here, and knew where I was, I concluded there was nothing to be gained by trying to avoid him ; on the contrary, it might be the means of exciting his ill will. I followed his sister up stairs. He met me in a very friendly manner, congratulated me on my escape from slavery, and hoped I had a good place, where I felt happy. The Hairbreadth Efcape. 269 I continued to visit Ellen as often as I could. She, good thoughtful child, never forgot my hazardous sit- uation, but always kept a vigilant lookout for my safety. She never made any complaint about her own incon- veniences and troubles ; but a mother's observing eye easily perceived that she was not happy. On the oc- casion of one of my visits I found her unusually serious. When I asked her what was the matter, she said nothing was the matter. But I insisted upon knowing what mafie her look so very grave. Finally, I ascertained that she felt troubled about the dissipa- tion that was continually going on in the house. Sho was sent to the store very often for rum and brandy, and she felt ashamed to ask for it so often ; and Mr. Hobbs and Mr. Thorne drank a great deal, and their hands trembled so that they had to call her to pour out the liquor for them. " But for all that," said she, " Mr. Hobbs^s good to me, and I can't help liking him. I feel sorry for him." I tried to comfort her, by telling her that I had laid up a hundred dollars, and that before long I hoped to be able to give her and Benja- min a home, and send them to school. She was always desirous not to add to my troubles more than she could help, and I did not discover till years afterwards that Mr. Thome's intemperance was not the only annoy ance she suffered from him. Though he professed too much gratitude to my grandmother to injure any of her descendants, he had poured vile language into the ears of her innocent great-grandchild. . I usually went to Brooklyn to spend Sunday after- noon. One Sunday,. I found Ellen anxiously waiting for me near the house. " 0, mother," said she, " I've 23* 270 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL been waiting for you this long time. I'm afraid Mr. Thome has written to tell Dr. Mint where you are. Make haste and come in. Mrs. Hobbs will tell you all about it ! " The story was soon told. While the children were playing in the grape-yine arbor, the day before, Mr. Thome came out with a letter in his hand, which he tore up and scattered about. Ellen was sweeping the yard at the time, and haying her mind full of suspi- cions of him, she picked up the piecoi and carried them to the children, saying, ^^ I wonder who Mr. Thorne has been writing to." ** I'm sure I don't know, and don't care," replied the oldest of the children ; ^^ and I don't see how it con- cerns you." " But it does concern me," replied Ellen ; " for I'm afraid he's been writing to the south about my mother." They laughed at her, and called her a silly thing, but good-naturedly put the fragments of writing to- gether, in order to read them to her. They were no sooner arranged, than the little girl exclaim'ed, '^ I de- clare, Ellen, I believe you are right." The contents of Mr. Thome's letter, as nearly as I can remember, were as follows : " I have seen your slave, Linda, and conversed with her. She can be taken very easily, if you manage prudently. There are enough of us here to swear to her identity as your property, I am a patriot, a lover of my country, and I do this as an act of justice to the laws." He con- cluded by informing the doctor of the street and num- ber where I lived. The children carried the pieces to Mrs. Hobbs, who immediately went to her brother's The Hairbreadth Efcape. 271 • room for an explanation. He was not to be found. The servants said they saw hinx go out with a letter in his hand, and they supposed he had gone to the post office. The natural inference was, that he had sent to Dr. PUnt a copy of those fragments. When he returned, his sister accused him of it, and he did not deny the charge. He went immediately to his room, and the next morning he was missing. He had gone over to New York, before any of the family were astir. It was evident* that I had no time to lose ; and I hastened back to the city with a heavy heart. Again I was to be torn from a comfortable home, and all my plans for the welfare of my children were to be frus- trated by that demon Slavery ! I now regretted that I never told Mrs. Bruce my story. I had not con- cealed it merely on account of being a fugitive ; that would have made her anxious, but it would have excited sympathy in her kind heart. I valued her good opinion, and I was afraid of losing it, if I told her all the particulars of my sad story. But now I felt that it was necessary for her to know how I was situated. I had once left her abruptly, without ex- plaining the reason, and it would not be proper to do it again. I went home resolved to tell her in the morning. But the sadness of my face attracted her attention, and, in answer to her kind inquiries, I poured out my full heart to her, before bed time. She listened with true womanly sympathy, and told me she would do all she could to protect me. How my heart blessed her ! Early the next morning. Judge Vanderpool and Lawyer Hopper were consulted. They said I had bet- ter leave the city at once, as the risk would be great 272 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. if the case came to trial. Mrs. Bruce took me in a carriage to the house of one of her friends, where she assured me I should be safe until my brother could arrivCy which would be in a few days. In the interval my thoughts were much occupied with Ellen. She was mine by birth, and she was also mine by Southern law, since my grandmother held the bill of sale that made her so. I did not feel that she was safe unless I had her with me. Mrs. Hobbs, who felt badly about her brother's treachery, yielded to my entreaties, on condition that she should return in ten days. I avoided making any promise. She came to me clad in very thin garments, all outgrown, and with a school satchel on her arm, containing a few articles. It was late in October, and I knew the child must suffer; and not daring to go out in the streets to purchase any thing, I took off my own flannel skirt and converted it into one for her. Ednd Mrs. Bruce came to bid me good by, and when she saw that I had taken off my clothing for my child, the tears came to her eyes. She said, " Wait for me, Linda," and went out. She soon re- turned with a nice warm shawl and hood for Ellen. Truly, of such souls as hers are the kingdom of heaven. My brother reached New York on Wednesday. Law- yer Hopper advised us to go to Boston by the Stoning- ton route, as there was less Southern travel in that direction. Mrs. Bruce directed her servants to tell all inquirers that I formerly lived there, but had gone from the city. We reached the steamboat Bhode Island in safety. That boat employed colored hands, but I knew that colored passengers were not admitted to the cabin. 1 The Hairbreadth Efcape. 273 was very desbous for the seclusion of the cabin, not only on account of exposure to the night air, but also to aroid observation. Lawyer Hopper was waiting on board for us. He spoke to the stewardess, and asked, as a particular favor, that she would treat us well. He said to me, ^^ Oo and speak to the captain yourself by and by. Take your little girl with you, and I am sure that he will not let her sleep on deck." With these kind words and a shake of the hand he departed. The boat was soon on her way, bearing me rapidly from the friendly home where I had hoped to find security and rest. My brother had left me to purchase the tickets, thinking that I might have better success than he would. When the stewardess came to me, I paid what she asked, and she gave me three tickets with clipped corners. In the most unsophisticated manner I said, ^^ You have made a mistake ; I asked you for cabin tickets. I cannot possibly consent to sleep on deck with my little daughter." She assured me there was no mistake. She said on some of the routes colored people were allowed to sleep in the cabin, but not on this route, which was much travelled by the wealthy. I asked her to show me to the captain's office, and she said she would after tea. When the time came, I took Ellen by the hand and went to the captain, politely requesting him to change our tickets, as we should be very uncomfortable on deck. He said it was contrary to their custom, but he would see that we had berths below ; he would also try to obtain com- fortable scats for us in the cars ; of that he was not certain, but he would speak to the conductor about it, 274 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. when the boat arriyed. I thanked him, and returned to the ladies' cabin. He came afterwards and told me that the conductor of the cars was on board, that he had spoken to him, and he had promised to take care of us. I was very much surprised at receiving 80 much kindness. I don't know whether the pleasing face of my little girl had won his heart, or whether the stewardess inferred fh)m Lawyer Hopper's manner that 1 was a fugitive, and had pleaded with him in my behalf. When the boat arrived at Stonington, the conductor kept his promise, and showed us to seats in the first car, nearest the engine. He asked us to take seats next the door, but as he passed through, we ventured to move on toward the other end of the car. No in- civility was ofifered us, and we reached Boston in safety. The day after my arrival was one of the happiest of my life. I felt as if I was beyond the reach of the bloodhounds ; and, for the first time during many years, I had both my children together with me. They greatly enjoyed their reunion, and laughed and chatted merrily. I watched them with a swelling heart. Their every motion delighted me. I could not feel safe in New York, and I accepted the ofier of a friend, that we should share expenses and keep house together. I represented to Mrs. Hobbs that Ellen must have some schooling, and must remain with me for that purpose. She felt ashamed of being unable to read or spell at her age, so instead of sending her to school with Benny, I instructed her myself till she was fitted to enter an intermediate school. The winter passed pleasantly, while I was busy with my needle, and my children with their books. A Vifit to England. 275 XXXVII. A VISIT TO ENGLAND. In the spring, sad news came to me. Mrs. Bruce was dead. Never again, in this world, should I see her gentle face, or hear her sympathizing voice. I had lost an excellent friend, and little Mary had lost a tender mother. Mr. Bruce wished the child to visit some of her mother's relatives in England, and he was desirous that I should take charge of her. The little motherless one was accustomed to me, and attached to me, and I thought she would be happier in my care than in that of a stranger. I could also earn more in this way than I could by my needle. So I put Benny to a trade, and left Ellen to remain in the house with my friend and go to school. We sailed from New York, and arrived in Liverpool after a pleasant voyage of twelve days. We proceeded directly to London, and took lodgings at the Adelaide Hotel. The supper seemed to me less luxurious than those I had seen in American hotels ; but my situation was indescribably more pleasant. For the first time in my life I was in a place where I was treated accord- ing to my deportment, without reference to my com- plexion. I felt as if a great millstone had been lifted from my breast. Ensconced in a pleasant room, with my dear little charge, I laid my head on my pillow, for the first time, with the delightful consciousness of pure, unadulterated freedom. 276 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. As I had constant care of the child, I had little op- portunity to see the wonders of that great city ; hut I watched the tide of life that flowed through the streets^ and found it a strange contrast to the stagnation in our Southern towns. Mr. Bruce took his little daughter to spend some days with friends in Oxford Crescent, and of course it was necessary for me to accompany her. I had heard much of the systematic method of English education, and I was rery desirous that my dear Mary should steer straight in the midst of so much propriety. I closely observed her little play-^ mates and their nurses, being ready to take any lessons in the science of good management. The children were more rosy than American children, but I did not see that they differed materially in other respects. They were like all children — sometimes docile and some- times wayward. We next went to Steventon, in Berksliire. It was a small town, said to be the poorest in the county. I saw men working in the fields for six shillings, and seven shillings, a week, and women for sixpence, and seven- pence, a day, out of which they boarded themselves. Of course they lived in the most primitive manner ; it could not be otherwise, where a woman's wages for an entire day were not sufficient to buy a pound of meat. They paid very low rents, and their clothes were made of the cheapest fabrics, though much better than could have been procured in the United States for the same money. I had heard much about the oppression of the poor in Europe. The people I saw around me were, many of them, among the poorest poor. But when 1 visited them in their little thatched cottages, I felt that A Vifit to England. 277 the condition of even the meanest and most ignorant among them was vastly superior to the condition of the most favored slaves in America. They labored hard ; but they were not ordered out to toil while the stars were in the sky, and driven and slashed by an over- seer, through heat and cold, till the stars shone out again. Their homes were very humble ; but they were protected by law. No insolent patrols could come, in the dead of night, and flog them at their pleasure. The father, when he closed his cottage door, felt safe with his family around him. No master or overseer could come and take from him his wife, or his daugh- ter. They must separate to earn their living ; but the parents knew where their children were going, and could communicate with them by letters. The rela- tions of husband and wife, parent and child, were too sacred for the richest noble in the land to violate with impunity. Much was being done to enlighten these poor people. Schools were established among them, and benevolent societies were active in eflforts to amel- iorate their condition. There was no law forbidding them to learn to read and write ; and if they helped each other in spelling out the Bible, they were in no danger of thirty-nine lashes, as was the case with my- self and poor, pious, old uncle Fred. I repeat that the most ignorant and the most destitute of these peasants was a thousand fold better off than the most pampered American slave. I do not deny that the poor are oppressed in Europe. I am not disposed to paint their condition so rose- colored as the Hon. Miss Murray paints the condition of the slaves in the United States. A small portion 24 278 Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. of my experience would enable her to read her own pages with anointed eyes. If she were to lay aside her title, and, instead of yisiting among the fashionable, become domesticated, as a poor governess, on some plantation in Louisiana or Alabama, she would see and hear things that would make her tell quite a dif- ferent story. My visit to England is a memorable event in my life, from the fact of my having there received strong re- ligious impressions. The contemptuous manner in which the communion had been administered to colored people, in my native place; the church membership of Dr. Flint, and others like him ; and the buying and selling of slaves, by professed ministers of the gospel, had given me a prejudice against the Episcopal church. The whole service seemed to me a mockery and a sham. But my home in Steventon was in the family of a cler- gyman, who was a true disciple of Jesus. The beauty of his daily life inspired me with faith in the genuine- ness of Christian professions. Grace entered my heart, and I knelt at the communion table, I trust, in true humility of soul. I remained abroad ten months, which was much longer than I had anticipated. During all that time, I never saw the slightest symptom of prejudice against color. Indeed, I entirely forgot it, till the time came for us to return to America. Renewed Invitations to go South. 279 XXXVIII. RENEWED INVITATIONS TO GO SOUTH. We had a tedious winter passage, and from the distance spectres seemed to rise np on tiie shores of the United States. It is a sad feeling to be afraid of one's native country. We arrived in New York safely, and I hastened to Boston to look after my children. I found Ellen well, and improving at her school; but Benny was not there to welcome me. He had been left at a good place to learn a trade, and for several months every thing worked well. He was liked by the master, and was a favorite with his fellow-appren- tices ; but one day they accidentally discovered a fact they had never before suspected — that he was colored! This at once transformed him into a different being. Some of the apprentices were Americans, others American-born Irish; and it was offensive to their dignity to have a "nigger*' among them, after they had been told that he was a " nigger." They began by treating him with silent scorn, and finding that he returned the same, they resorted to insults and abuse. He was too spirited a boy to stand that, and he went off. Being desirous to do something to support him- self, and having no one to advise him, he shipped for a whaling voyage. When I received these tidings I shed many tears, and bitterly reproached myself for having left him so long. But *I had done it for the best, and now all I could do was to pray to the heavenly Father to guide and protect him. ^ 28o Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl. Not long after my retum, I received the following letter from Miss Emily Mint, now Mrs. Dodge : — ^^ In this you will recognize the hand of your friend and mistress. Haying heard that you had gone with a family to Europe, I have waited to hear of your return to write to you. I should have answered the letter you wrote to me long since, hut as I could not then act independently of my father, I knew there could be nothing done satisfactory to you. There were persons here who were willing to buy you and run the risk of getting you. To this I would not con- sent. I have always been attached to you, and would not like to see you the slave of another, or have un- kind treatment. I am married now, and can protect you. My husband expects to move to Virginia this spring, where we think of settling. I am very anxious that you should come and live with me. K you are not willing to come, you may purchase yourself; but I should prefer having you live with me. If you come, you may, if you like, spend a month with your grand- mother and friends, then come to me in Norfolk, Vir- ginia. Think this over, and write as soon as possible, and let me know the conclusion. Hoping that your children are well, I remain you friend and mistress." Of course I did not write to return thanks for this cordial invitation. I felt insulted to be thought stupid enough to be caught by such professions. ** ' Come up into my parlor/ said the spider to the fly ; ' ' Tis the prettiest uttle parlor that ever you did spy. » >t Renewed Invitations to go South. 281 It was plain that Dr. Flint's family were apprised of my movements, since they knew of my voyage to Europe. I expected to have further trouble from them ; but having eluded them thus far, I hoped to be as successful in future. The money I had earned, I was desirous to devote to the education of my children, and to secure a home for them. It seemed not only hard, but unjust, to pay for myself. I could not possibly regard myself as a piece of property. Moreover, I had worked many years without wages, and during that time had been obliged to depend on my grandmother for many comforts in food and clothing. My children certainly belonged to me ; but though Dr. Flint had incurred no expense for their support, he had received a large sum of money for them. I knew the law would decide that I was his property, and wQuld probably still give his daughter a claim to my chil- dren ; but I regarded such laws as the regulations of robbers, who had no rights that I was bound to respect. The Fugitive Slave Law had not then passed. The judges of Massachusetts had not then stooped under chains to enter her courts of justice, so called. I knew my old master was rather skittish of Massachusetts. I relied on her love of freedom, and felt safe on her soil. I am now aware that I honored the old Commonwealth beyond her deserts. 24* a82 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL THE CONFESSION. Fob two years my daughter and I supported our* selves comfortably in Boston. At the end of that time, my brother William offered to send Ellen to a boarding school. It required a great effort for me to consent to part with her, for I had few near ties, and it was her presence that made my two little rooms seem home-like. But my judgment prevailed over my self- ish feelings. I made preparations for her departure. During the two years we had lived together I had often resolved to tell her something about her father ; but I had never been able to muster sufficient courage. I had a shrinking dread of diminishing my child's love. I knew she must have curiosity on the subject, but she had never asked a question. She was always very careful not to say any thing to remind me of my troubles. Now that she was going from me, I thought if I should die before she returned, she might hear my story from some one who did not understand the palliating circumstances ; and that if she were entirely ignorant on the subject, her sensitive nature might receive a rude shock. When we retired for the night, she said, " Mother, it is very hard to leave you alone. I am almost sorry I am going, though I do want to improve myself. But you will write to me often ; won't you, mother ? " I did not throw my arms round her. I did not an- The Confeffion. 283 8wer her. But in a calm, solemn way, for it cost me great effort, I said, '^ Listen to me, Ellen ; I have some- thing to tell you ! " I recounted my early sufferings in slavery, and told her how nearly they had crushed me. I began to tell her how they had driven me into a great sin, when she clasped me in her arms, and ex- claimed, " 0, don't, mother ! Please don't tell me any more." I said, ^^ But, my child, I want you to know about your father." " I know all about it, mother," she replied; " I am nothing to my father, and he is nothing to me. --Alt my love is for you. I was with him five months in Washington, and he never cared for me. He never spoke to me as he did to his little Fanny. I knew all the time he was my father, for Fanny's nurse told me so ; but she said I must never tell any body, and I never did. I used to wish he would take me in his arms and kiss me, as he did Fanny ; or that he would sometimes smile at me, as he did at her. I tliought if lie was my own father, he ought to love me. I was a little girl then, and didn't know any better. But now I never think any thing about my father. AIL my love is for you." She hugged me closer as she spoke, and I thanked God that the knowledge I had so much dreaded to impart had not diminished the affection of my child. I had not the slightest idea she knew that portion of my history. If I had, I should have spoken to her long before ; for my pent-up feelings had often longed to pour themselves out to some one I could trust. But I loved the dear girl better for the deli- cacy slie had manifested towards her unfortunate mother. 284 Incidents in the Life of a Slave GirL The next morning, she and her uncle started on their journey to the village in New York, where she was to be placed at school. It seemed as if all the sunshine had. gone away. My little room was dread- fully lonely. I was thankful when a message came from a lady, accustomed to employ me, requesting me to come and sew in her family for several weeks. On my return, I found a letter from brother William. He thought of opening an anti-slavery reading room in Bochester, and combining with it the sale of some books and stationery ; and he wanted me to unite with lam. We tried it, but it was not successful. We fixiiid warm anti-davery friends there, but the feeling va» aol general enough to support such an establish- natent I passed nearly a year in the family of Isaac luid Amy Post, practical believers in the Christian doo- trtu^ gf ttiuttan brotherhood. They measured a man's wxM:\iit by his character, not by his complexion. The ^fticcui!^ rf those beloved and honored friends will ;^N